Can you run and get some liquid squelch for me?

[dmp]

While in the army, we'd often send n00bs to the motorpool looking for things like:


Left-handed monkey wrench.
A box of grid squares.
50ft of shoreline
An ID 10T card (idiot)

Once, a newb was told to get some chalk and a hammer and report back to a bradley (fighting vehicle). His mission - look for soft spots in the armor. He was to tap the sides of the vehicle, then circle where it made an echo, so the mechanics could 'patch' the soft spots. An hour and 50 'polka-dots' later, he'd be let off the hook.

What are some 'fake' things you guys talk about w/ ppl?

Piston Return Springs?
Muffler Belts/Bearings?
Motor-Floater Valves?

 

[SmarterThanYou]

We used to tell newbie air traffic controllers to go downstairs and get an extra 50' of flightline and a bottle of radar range marker fluid.

 

[fuzzykitten99]

i worked at mcdonald's, and we would send noob's to Flaherty's (bar/bowling alley) across the street for canned steam. Flaherty's would send their noob's to us for a left-handed wratchet to fix a pin setter.

 

[dilloduck]

a johnson rod for a car or some prop wash for the boat

 

[5stringJeff]

Grid squares, buckets of jet wash...

 

[JOKER96BRAVO]

Ammo detail = Need a box of ST 1's (stones) for the General to shoot

Motor pool = We would send the newbies out with trash bags
and tape to wrap around the exhuast pipe and take exhaust samples.
Of course, by the time they got down the entire line, the bags would deflate
and they'd have to start over.

Around the office = We would send the newbies up to HQ to look for
a prick E8.

Motor pool = Send em to get the keys for the hummers
(military Hummers don't have keys)

Motor pool = Elbow grease, Headlight fluid

In the TOC = We'd send em to look for a SF 911 SITREP form.

In the barracks = Send em to look for the floor CPT
(officers didn't live in the barracks).

We had a bunch of newbies in the SCIF once, and we told them that there
was dust in the phone lines. We made them wrap trash bags around each
reciever so we could blow all the dust out of the lines. We also instructed
them to not answer the phone no matter what. The phones rang all day.

We used to take 100 mph tape and cover the outside of someones
room door. When they got used to it, and started charging through it,
the next day we moved the vending machine on the other side of it.
The charged blindly right into the vending machine...OUCH

In the barracks = Put the newbies on gaurd (dooty) duty in the latrine.

In the arms room = we made em clean all the weapons just hours before
the range. Then again afterwards.

Had a newbie spill coffee on his desk, so we made him carry around
a paper cup filled to the top with water. BUT he had to carry it by a device
we made connecting rubber bands to two paperclips that were attached to
the cup.

In basic we had to flip rocks over, so they could get equal amounts of sun.

In PLDC we edged the grass with fingernail clippers.

 

[5stringJeff]

Around the office = We would send the newbies up to HQ to look for
a prick E8.

Forgot about that one...

 

[musicman]

I think I've got you all beat on this one. Unfortunately, I was the victim. In my defense, I was a wide-eyed innocent teenager, working in the big city for the first time. OK, here goes:

I was working as a dishwasher in a big city hospital. When I went into the dishroom to start work, this older guy had the dishwasher all torn apart (I learned later that this was standard procedure for cleaning the thing), and was cussing. He turned to me and said, "Do me a favor, man. Run down to housekeeping and get me some fallopian tubes." Off I went.

 

[Fmr jarhead]

Prop wash, flightline and a favorite was to send the n00b to the XO or CO's office for the keys to his plane.

 

[Zhukov]

Over the years I've invented a number of drinking games.

One of them was "Shoe, shoe, who's got the shoe?"

Rules: one person sits in the middle of a circle composed of everyone else, with only one of their shoes on. They are blindfolded, and while the group chants "SHOE!...SHOE!...WHOSGOT THE SHOE!", someone throws the person's removed shoe at their head. If they can correctly guess who threw the shoe at them, they and the thrower swap places. If not, they have to chug a beer and they then get the shoe again.

Trick: They always guessed wrong, even if they guessed right.


Another was "Spam"

Rules: several, but the only one I ever consistently said was, "if you tell someone else the rules, you yourself have to drink (and then I'd take a drink), other than that you just need to figure it out yourself."

I would then proceed to say, "Oooo, thats 15 drinks" or "Uh oh, thats 10 drinks x2 because of such-and-such," and just make them drink for no reason until they puked.

This one kid.....I don't know if he was really that stupid, or if he was just playing along.....but boy did he puke.

 

[Johnney]

reverse lights on a hummers
power situps