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No.
In fact, the opposite could be the case, where inflicting ‘order’ and ‘discipline’ would be a form of abuse.
This is particularly true given the child has been diagnosed with cognitive disabilities – where his behavior is not the consequence of a lack of ‘order’ and ‘discipline’; indeed, seeking to compel ‘order’ and ‘discipline’ would do no good and likely cause harm.
He has to learn to reign himself in, same as all the rest of us have done without even trying. At least you have a "hook," a carrot on the stick. He loves mechanical things. Kids with ADHD can't stay focused as long as other people, so show him things or set him tasks that he can finish in a short time. Just break it into chunks.No.
In fact, the opposite could be the case, where inflicting ‘order’ and ‘discipline’ would be a form of abuse.
This is particularly true given the child has been diagnosed with cognitive disabilities – where his behavior is not the consequence of a lack of ‘order’ and ‘discipline’; indeed, seeking to compel ‘order’ and ‘discipline’ would do no good and likely cause harm.
So what is the answer? If instilling any form of order is detrimental and likewise failure to do so will likely be equally detrimental, what the hell is the answer to reigning this kid in?
When focused he’s a smart, clever kid who wants to learn stuff and does so very well. He loves mechanical things. But he can’t be trusted to help with anything because he will suddenly stop listening to instructions.
He has to learn to reign himself in, same as all the rest of us have done without even trying. At least you have a "hook," a carrot on the stick. He loves mechanical things. Kids with ADHD can't stay focused as long as other people, so show him things or set him tasks that he can finish in a short time. Just break it into chunks.
My kiddo had ADHD (he pretty much either grew out of it or learned how to cope with it by the time he became an adult) and some of the temper you see can be attributed solely to the ADHD. He tantrumed a few years longer than the average kid, and would get exasperated much more easily. (He wasn't violent, though.) They are already so frustrated simply with the demands of trying to focus while their brains are constantly taking them off track that their threshold for "losing it" is lower than normal. Think of yourself on a really blazing hot day, working outside on a difficult task and suddenly having something very annoying shoved in your face. You are more likely to overreact because you're already physically uncomfortable and your mind is full of the difficult task.He has to learn to reign himself in, same as all the rest of us have done without even trying. At least you have a "hook," a carrot on the stick. He loves mechanical things. Kids with ADHD can't stay focused as long as other people, so show him things or set him tasks that he can finish in a short time. Just break it into chunks.
The problem is he does have the ADHD as well. He’s also destructive and violent to his siblings and other family members. He turns almost anything you give him that he can’t eat into some form of weapon, or he breaks it. His Christmas presents last hours, at best.
I have a nine year old nephew who has significant discipline issues. Parents, grandparents, teachers, etc... he refuses to accept any form of authority over him. He’s been diagnosed as having Obsessive Defiance Disorder (ODD) and ADHD.
Nobody who has any authority over this kid will stand up to him. He’s allowed to make his own rules and throws a massive fit whenever any sort of discipline is even talked about. He curses and swears at his parents and literally ignores any limits imposed on him by anyone in authority.
At some point does failing to apply actual order and discipline on this child become a form of abuse or neglect in its own right? I’m not suggesting a need to get authorities involved, but st what point are these people doing this child a massive disservice with potentially lifelong consequences?
Yep. Now children are being branded defective, on account of the parents problems.I have a nine year old nephew who has significant discipline issues. Parents, grandparents, teachers, etc... he refuses to accept any form of authority over him. He’s been diagnosed as having Obsessive Defiance Disorder (ODD) and ADHD.
Nobody who has any authority over this kid will stand up to him. He’s allowed to make his own rules and throws a massive fit whenever any sort of discipline is even talked about. He curses and swears at his parents and literally ignores any limits imposed on him by anyone in authority.
At some point does failing to apply actual order and discipline on this child become a form of abuse or neglect in its own right? I’m not suggesting a need to get authorities involved, but st what point are these people doing this child a massive disservice with potentially lifelong consequences?
ODD????
We now have a medical name for "undisciplined delinquent"?
My father had this wooden paddle. I never cursed at him, and following his rules was not 'optional'.
Because people are not willing to accept that some people are simply born evil.I remember a case I had, interviewed an eleven year old who had shot off his bb gun in the direction of a group of kids walking home from school. He swore he was aiming for his target in the backyard. They and we knew better. This kid had a long history of misbehavior at school and in the neighborhood. His gram, who was raising him, did every single thing she could--he was seeing a psychiatrist regularly and they were following every recommendation for getting him under control.No one is remotely interested in listening to me, but Oppositional Defiant Disorder is not something you can fix with a belt or a paddle. It is not caused by lax parenting or over permissive parenting, either. It is a disorder in the child's ability to process his/her emotional load.
I'm reading and ODD often leads to what used to be called sociopathy or even psychopathy. In other word, psychopaths. These are kids who will on purpose find your buttons and push them.
For fun.
The chief of police had come with me on the interview. When after a couple of hours we left the house, he turned to me and said "He is going to be a psychopath." There was no question in his voice. He knew. It made my blood run cold, but he was right.
These things happen inside of some people; we don't really know why in a lot of cases.
I have a nine year old nephew who has significant discipline issues. Parents, grandparents, teachers, etc... he refuses to accept any form of authority over him. He’s been diagnosed as having Obsessive Defiance Disorder (ODD) and ADHD.
Nobody who has any authority over this kid will stand up to him. He’s allowed to make his own rules and throws a massive fit whenever any sort of discipline is even talked about. He curses and swears at his parents and literally ignores any limits imposed on him by anyone in authority.
At some point does failing to apply actual order and discipline on this child become a form of abuse or neglect in its own right? I’m not suggesting a need to get authorities involved, but st what point are these people doing this child a massive disservice with potentially lifelong consequences?
Oppositional Defiant Disorder is a bugger. They say it evolves when a child is overwhelmed with anxiety about a choice or a change, feels a lack of control of their situation, that kind of thing. I've worked with these kids a few times. They will shoot themselves in the foot, knowing full well the negative consequences their actions will bring. It is highly self-destructive.
This diagnosis morphs into anti-social when they grow up.
It's not something you can fix with a paddle and a strict bedtime, guys. And if this child in the OP has been diagnosed, you can bet intervention is already on board.
Some of the strategies the OP spoke of--letting the child "get away with it" and not losing your temper--is part of it. If you push against these kids, it escalates extremely fast. Offer a choice if possible, so the child can feel he has at least a bit of control of the situation; it lowers the anxiety level.
It's a rough diagnosis. I feel nothing but sympathy for all involved.
Oppositional Defiant Disorder is a bugger. They say it evolves when a child is overwhelmed with anxiety about a choice or a change, feels a lack of control of their situation, that kind of thing. I've worked with these kids a few times. They will shoot themselves in the foot, knowing full well the negative consequences their actions will bring. It is highly self-destructive.
This diagnosis morphs into anti-social when they grow up.
It's not something you can fix with a paddle and a strict bedtime, guys. And if this child in the OP has been diagnosed, you can bet intervention is already on board.
Some of the strategies the OP spoke of--letting the child "get away with it" and not losing your temper--is part of it. If you push against these kids, it escalates extremely fast. Offer a choice if possible, so the child can feel he has at least a bit of control of the situation; it lowers the anxiety level.
It's a rough diagnosis. I feel nothing but sympathy for all involved.
Pretty sure that "leaving choices" up to a kid for 6 or 7 years would wreck their ability to RECOGNIZE destructive behaviors. I'd have to go with not IMPOSING a regime and discipline and sense of consistency in their early years -- as the reason for OOD or whatever. Not DISCIPLINE as in punishment.. Just being consistent and regular about the daily routine and NOT ASKING PERMISSION OR OPINIONS from toddlers and pre-schoolers...
You don't ASK a baby for permission to change their diaper... But SADLY -- many "over the lemming's edge" lefty new-agers INSIST on getting baby's permission to even touch them...
Again -- not kidding.. The whacko contingent is getting WAAAY too much attention because of social media and screwing up generations to come..
Scary times..
The problem is he has no fear. If he thought he would get smacked in the mouth, he might behave differently. Then again, you might also create a monster if you smack him too much.I have a nine year old nephew who has significant discipline issues. Parents, grandparents, teachers, etc... he refuses to accept any form of authority over him. He’s been diagnosed as having Obsessive Defiance Disorder (ODD) and ADHD.
Nobody who has any authority over this kid will stand up to him. He’s allowed to make his own rules and throws a massive fit whenever any sort of discipline is even talked about. He curses and swears at his parents and literally ignores any limits imposed on him by anyone in authority.
At some point does failing to apply actual order and discipline on this child become a form of abuse or neglect in its own right? I’m not suggesting a need to get authorities involved, but st what point are these people doing this child a massive disservice with potentially lifelong consequences?
