CDZ Can a LACK of Discipline be a Form of Abuse?

[Anathema]

I have a nine year old nephew who has significant discipline issues. Parents, grandparents, teachers, etc... he refuses to accept any form of authority over him. He’s been diagnosed as having Obsessive Defiance Disorder (ODD) and ADHD.

Nobody who has any authority over this kid will stand up to him. He’s allowed to make his own rules and throws a massive fit whenever any sort of discipline is even talked about. He curses and swears at his parents and literally ignores any limits imposed on him by anyone in authority.

At some point does failing to apply actual order and discipline on this child become a form of abuse or neglect in its own right? I’m not suggesting a need to get authorities involved, but st what point are these people doing this child a massive disservice with potentially lifelong consequences?

 

[Mac1958]

Our culture has decayed to a point at which children in this situation are not supposed to be dealt with because it might hurt their feelings.

Just assign a condition to them, give 'em some drugs, and expect their teachers to just deal with them, even if they are a disruptive force.

Feelings and identity now override anything, period. A lack of discipline that results in counterproductive behaviors is someone else's fault.

I wish I were kidding.
.

 

[Moonglow]

Our culture has decayed to a point at which children in this situation are not supposed to be dealt with because it might hurt their feelings.

Just assign a condition to them, give 'em some drugs, and expect their teachers to just deal with them, even if they are a disruptive force.

Feelings and identity now override anything, period. A lack of discipline that results in counterproductive behaviors is someone else's fault.

I wish I were kidding.
.

You must be because no matter the situation I wouldn't give out poor advice on kids.

 

[Billy_Kinetta]

Nine years old, and acting like a two year old?

Tough prognosis. I would say professional intervention is definitely required. Best of luck.

Personally, I would count it as abuse.

 

[gipper]

What does the boy eat? Is his diet shitty? He may have a nutritional deficiency.

 

[Mac1958]

What does the boy eat? Is his diet shitty? He may have a nutritional deficiency.

One of our kids teaches kindergarten and sees all kinds of research on various behaviors and their possible root causes.

The list is long and sometimes contradictory. But the one overriding constant is parental guidance. So a diet would be a part of that.

In some cases, though, there are simply no discernible causes. It's a tough issue.
.

 

[OldLady]

Oppositional Defiant Disorder is a bugger. They say it evolves when a child is overwhelmed with anxiety about a choice or a change, feels a lack of control of their situation, that kind of thing. I've worked with these kids a few times. They will shoot themselves in the foot, knowing full well the negative consequences their actions will bring. It is highly self-destructive.
This diagnosis morphs into anti-social when they grow up.
It's not something you can fix with a paddle and a strict bedtime, guys. And if this child in the OP has been diagnosed, you can bet intervention is already on board.

Some of the strategies the OP spoke of--letting the child "get away with it" and not losing your temper--is part of it. If you push against these kids, it escalates extremely fast. Offer a choice if possible, so the child can feel he has at least a bit of control of the situation; it lowers the anxiety level.

It's a rough diagnosis. I feel nothing but sympathy for all involved.

 

[Jackson]

I would consider this "neglect." The parents are the first authorities with whom the child wi.ll come into contact...they started the ball rolling. Now, all authority figures are nothing to him. Just about the last authority figure this child will meet is Law Enforcement. Without out guidance in the early years, his fate is sealed. The last authority figure this child will see is the guard in a penetentiary.

 

[Anathema]

Nine years old, and acting like a two year old?

Tough prognosis. I would say professional intervention is definitely required. Best of luck.

Personally, I would count it as abuse.

The mother won’t take him to appointments. Once he got the ODD/ADHD diagnosis and the meds, she feels he’s all set.

 

[Anathema]

What does the boy eat? Is his diet shitty? He may have a nutritional deficiency.

Garbage. Soda, processed crap, fast food. He won’t touch a veggie other than corn. Eats potatoes and rice.

 

[Vastator]

I have a nine year old nephew who has significant discipline issues. Parents, grandparents, teachers, etc... he refuses to accept any form of authority over him. He’s been diagnosed as having Obsessive Defiance Disorder (ODD) and ADHD.

Nobody who has any authority over this kid will stand up to him. He’s allowed to make his own rules and throws a massive fit whenever any sort of discipline is even talked about. He curses and swears at his parents and literally ignores any limits imposed on him by anyone in authority.

At some point does failing to apply actual order and discipline on this child become a form of abuse or neglect in its own right? I’m not suggesting a need to get authorities involved, but st what point are these people doing this child a massive disservice with potentially lifelong consequences?

Absolutely! These behaviors, and mindset can be an invaluable asset to this child in later life. But as a child he needs a strong figurehead who can reign him in, and teach him discipline; so that he will be able to utilize his personality traits to maximum effect, while mitigating the liabilities.

 

[Cellblock2429]

I have a nine year old nephew who has significant discipline issues. Parents, grandparents, teachers, etc... he refuses to accept any form of authority over him. He’s been diagnosed as having Obsessive Defiance Disorder (ODD) and ADHD.

Nobody who has any authority over this kid will stand up to him. He’s allowed to make his own rules and throws a massive fit whenever any sort of discipline is even talked about. He curses and swears at his parents and literally ignores any limits imposed on him by anyone in authority.

At some point does failing to apply actual order and discipline on this child become a form of abuse or neglect in its own right? I’m not suggesting a need to get authorities involved, but st what point are these people doing this child a massive disservice with potentially lifelong consequences?

/---/ Back in the day a kid like that would get a paddling. Usually one would do the trick - problem solved. But today, we listen to Dr Phil and Oprah and coddle the kids or load him up on meds.

 

[Jackson]

Nine years old, and acting like a two year old?

Tough prognosis. I would say professional intervention is definitely required. Best of luck.

Personally, I would count it as abuse.

The mother won’t take him to appointments. Once he got the ODD/ADHD diagnosis and the meds, she feels he’s all set.

And theres the problem.

 

[Billy_Kinetta]

Nine years old, and acting like a two year old?

Tough prognosis. I would say professional intervention is definitely required. Best of luck.

Personally, I would count it as abuse.

The mother won’t take him to appointments. Once he got the ODD/ADHD diagnosis and the meds, she feels he’s all set.

Then she needs to be straightened out herself.

How is he at school? Generally they will refer to Child Services if the behavior is pronounced.

 

[Billy_Kinetta]

I have a nine year old nephew who has significant discipline issues. Parents, grandparents, teachers, etc... he refuses to accept any form of authority over him. He’s been diagnosed as having Obsessive Defiance Disorder (ODD) and ADHD.

Nobody who has any authority over this kid will stand up to him. He’s allowed to make his own rules and throws a massive fit whenever any sort of discipline is even talked about. He curses and swears at his parents and literally ignores any limits imposed on him by anyone in authority.

At some point does failing to apply actual order and discipline on this child become a form of abuse or neglect in its own right? I’m not suggesting a need to get authorities involved, but st what point are these people doing this child a massive disservice with potentially lifelong consequences?

/---/ Back in the day a kid like that would get a paddling. Usually one would do the trick - problem solved. But today, we listen to Dr Phil and Oprah and coddle the kids or load him up on meds.

At age nine he's well past the paddling stage.

 

[Billy_Kinetta]

What does the boy eat? Is his diet shitty? He may have a nutritional deficiency.

Garbage. Soda, processed crap, fast food. He won’t touch a veggie other than corn. Eats potatoes and rice.

Starch and sugar. Dr. Jeykll and Mr. Hyde.

 

[Vastator]

I have a nine year old nephew who has significant discipline issues. Parents, grandparents, teachers, etc... he refuses to accept any form of authority over him. He’s been diagnosed as having Obsessive Defiance Disorder (ODD) and ADHD.

Nobody who has any authority over this kid will stand up to him. He’s allowed to make his own rules and throws a massive fit whenever any sort of discipline is even talked about. He curses and swears at his parents and literally ignores any limits imposed on him by anyone in authority.

At some point does failing to apply actual order and discipline on this child become a form of abuse or neglect in its own right? I’m not suggesting a need to get authorities involved, but st what point are these people doing this child a massive disservice with potentially lifelong consequences?

/---/ Back in the day a kid like that would get a paddling. Usually one would do the trick - problem solved. But today, we listen to Dr Phil and Oprah and coddle the kids or load him up on meds.

At age nine he's well past the paddling stage.

Yup. Since they failed to instill respect in this child; they’ll now have to earn it. Not impossible... But it won’t be pretty, and is unlikely to be pleasant. The only question is, “ do they love this child enough to do right by him, even in difficult circumstances”?

 

[Cellblock2429]

I have a nine year old nephew who has significant discipline issues. Parents, grandparents, teachers, etc... he refuses to accept any form of authority over him. He’s been diagnosed as having Obsessive Defiance Disorder (ODD) and ADHD.

Nobody who has any authority over this kid will stand up to him. He’s allowed to make his own rules and throws a massive fit whenever any sort of discipline is even talked about. He curses and swears at his parents and literally ignores any limits imposed on him by anyone in authority.

At some point does failing to apply actual order and discipline on this child become a form of abuse or neglect in its own right? I’m not suggesting a need to get authorities involved, but st what point are these people doing this child a massive disservice with potentially lifelong consequences?

/---/ Back in the day a kid like that would get a paddling. Usually one would do the trick - problem solved. But today, we listen to Dr Phil and Oprah and coddle the kids or load him up on meds.

At age nine he's well past the paddling stage.

/----/ Think so? I was 14 at a boarding school run by Franciscan brothers and corporal punishment was still legal. They had a list or infractions and what each one cost you in the number of paddles you received. 1 for walking on the lawn. 2 for talking in class out of turn. One1 for each cigarette, and/or match you were caught with. And God forbid you cried while getting the swats in front of your classmates.
SCHOOL CORPORAL PUNISHMENT: Video clips - United States real-life paddlings, page 1
We called the paddle with holes drilled in it Big Bertha because it whistled when the brother swung it.

 

[Billy_Kinetta]

I have a nine year old nephew who has significant discipline issues. Parents, grandparents, teachers, etc... he refuses to accept any form of authority over him. He’s been diagnosed as having Obsessive Defiance Disorder (ODD) and ADHD.

Nobody who has any authority over this kid will stand up to him. He’s allowed to make his own rules and throws a massive fit whenever any sort of discipline is even talked about. He curses and swears at his parents and literally ignores any limits imposed on him by anyone in authority.

At some point does failing to apply actual order and discipline on this child become a form of abuse or neglect in its own right? I’m not suggesting a need to get authorities involved, but st what point are these people doing this child a massive disservice with potentially lifelong consequences?

/---/ Back in the day a kid like that would get a paddling. Usually one would do the trick - problem solved. But today, we listen to Dr Phil and Oprah and coddle the kids or load him up on meds.

At age nine he's well past the paddling stage.

/----/ Think so? I was 14 at a boarding school run by Franciscan brothers and corporal punishment was still legal. They had a list or infractions and what each one cost you in the number of paddles you received. 1 for walking on the lawn. 2 for talking in class out of turn. One1 for each cigarette, and/or match you were caught with. And God forbid you cried while getting the swats in front of your classmates.
SCHOOL CORPORAL PUNISHMENT: Video clips - United States real-life paddlings, page 1
We called the paddle with holes drilled in it Big Bertha because it whistled when the brother swung it.

Did it change the behavior, or simply change your strategies to not get caught?

 

[OldLady]

What does the boy eat? Is his diet shitty? He may have a nutritional deficiency.

Garbage. Soda, processed crap, fast food. He won’t touch a veggie other than corn. Eats potatoes and rice.

My kiddo was ADHD and we did not put him on meds. Put him on the Feingold diet and it worked miracles (when he didn't cheat out of my sight). No refined sugars, no additives like red dye. It helped him more than a pill, I think.