Bully Moms

[Grace]

Opinion: What's Up With All These Out-of-Control, Bullying Parents? - ParentDish

First there was the "hot sauce mom" who, screaming and berating her son for lying, forced him into a cold shower and shoved the burning liquid down his throat. Then there was the mom who, upset with her son's poor grades, stuck the 15-year-old on a street corner with a chest-to-trunk poster board of his GPA dangling from his neck.

Now there's the mom who splashed a photo of her sobbing kids holding a plastic bag of their favorite spinning top toys across eBay as punishment for the tops chipping her bathtub.

To quote Kenan Thompson on "Saturday Night Live," "What up with that?"

Extreme discipline? Severe punishment? Maybe. But I think these public displays of parental power underscore a more serious phenomenon that is rearing its ugly face: The rise of narcissistic, bullying parents.


Here's what the mom says on eBay, according to MSNBC.com: "We are selling 8 Beyblades, 2 of them light up. As you can tell, they are not happy about this! They have been using their bathtub as a "battle arena" and Beyblades + Bathtub = Destruction!!! With the metal ones they managed to scrape the enamel off the tub, take a chunk of tub out and break off the soap holder. SO if you "win" this auction DON'T play with in a bathtub!!! We have received a quote of $500.00 to replace the tub, some tiles, and soap holder + labor of course! They had approximately $125.67 in their piggy banks that will be going to toward the cost. We will use the profit from this auction towards the balance and then it is onto other toys!"

Gimme a break. Little boys and their toys in the bathtub is a crime? And, if the toys are scraping the enamel, then confiscate them and throw in a set of plastic duckies in the tub. But to pose your kids, have them hold up a baggie with their toys and take a mugshot while they are crying, then post it on eBay is nothing less than bullying. So suggests the National Center for Education Statistics definition which it describes in a document. According to the document, the definition of bullying includes a variety of actions, including "being made fun of." That's exactly what this mom is doing in her words and actions.

I asked Susan Stiffelman, a licensed and practicing psychotherapist, and marriage and family therapist resident and ParentDish's AdviceMama to weigh in.

"When a parent feels so out of control and desperate as to deliberately cause emotional and physical harm to their child, I call that child abuse," says Stiffelman. "These stories underscore the truth that simply being biological capable of parenting does not guarantee true readiness or capability to do the day-to-day job of raising children. When a parent feels so out of control that they are scrambling to find the loudest, most injurious way they can to 'show a child who's boss,' they must stop, take a breath and call a child abuse hotline or trusted friend or family member.

She adds, "I don't judge parents for falling apart; we all have different thresholds for stress and frustration. But being a parent means taking responsibility for the welfare of your children. If you cannot manage a child's misbehavior in ways that do not harm them, get help."

I've never understood the mentality of anyone who purposefully mocks or humiliates others, inflicting pain with their biting tongue and then sharing that ridicule publicly. But on your own kids?

We wonder why there are bullies on the playground or on the world of teen cyberspace. I wonder if the answer lies closer to home, in the bathrooms and on the computer screens of parents who might want to stop and take a good look at the Mean Girl or Mr. Big Man in the mirror.

So. Is this child abuse? Or spare the rod, spoil the child?
Personally, I think Mom is an idiot for not paying attention that her precious tub was being destroyed until AFTER it was destroyed. On the other hand, taking their piggy bank money and selling their toys I agree with. Makes them learn there is responsibility for actions. However, posting a pic of them on ebay is OTL.

 

[uscitizen]

The parents were poorly raised themselves. I expect the next generation to be even worse.

I did not even have any bath toys when I was small. Caught a crawdad once but mom made me turn it loose.

 

[Grace]

And....another one:

Parents Try to Scare Daughter With Trip to Police, but They're the Ones Busted - ParentDish

Geez, it's like you can't even discipline your children anymore.

Forcing them to drink hot sauce in a cold shower, apparently, is not fashionable these days. Making them stand on a public street corner with a giant sign detailing their shame is supposedly embarrassing and humiliating.

And now you can't even abandon them at a police station with the hope the cops will scare the (bleep) out of them.

When will this sanity end? It could be a bleak year for the rack and thumbscrew industries.

Annette Gerhardt and Geraldo Santiago tell NBC News they were kidding when they told cops at the 120nd precinct in Staten Island, N.Y., that they wanted to give them their daughter.

It was more like a loan.

They wanted 6-year-old Enayla Santiago to think her mom and dad were abandoning her forever. Get it? It's all very psychological.

Mom reportedly played her role to the hilt.

"I can't take it anymore. She is uncontrollable," officers quote the script to NBC. "I'm going to leave her here. If you don't take her, I will take her to the firehouse."

But everyone's a critic. Police responded to Gerhardt's piece of performance art by charging both parents with endangering the welfare of a child.

Gerhardt tells NBC the police weren't following the plot.

"I never said I wanted to leave her there. Those words never came out of my mouth," she says.

Gerardo Santiago tells the network he and Gerhardt took their daughter to the station to tell her, "This is where bad boys and girls go." He adds that was Enayla's cue to scream, "Mommy! Mommy! I'll be good!"

"I don't see anything wrong with that," the dad tells NBC, adding that it was a creative bit of parenting.

And it would have worked too -- if not for those meddling cops.

Staten Island District Attorney Dan Donovan sides with the police. He tells NBC News the cops did the right thing busting Gerhardt and Santiago, "possibly preventing these parents from abandoning the girl somewhere less safe."

NBC News reports officials at the Administration for Children's Services are working with the family. Meanwhile, according to the network, Donovan is deciding whether or not to pursue the criminal charges.

"It was too scary," Enayla tells the network.

 

[Grace]

The parents were poorly raised themselves. I expect the next generation to be even worse.

I did not even have any bath toys when I was small. Caught a crawdad once but mom made me turn it loose.

It was screwed long ago when spanking became child abuse and kids could turn in their own parents and parents using the stupid "time out" crap instead of a switch on the ass. My ass got switched...I didn't turn into a serial killer. Butts are fatty tissue. Jeans over butts are thick. When I told my kid it hurt me more than him, I damn sure wasn't kidding.

 

[Cervantes22]

The parents were poorly raised themselves. I expect the next generation to be even worse.

I did not even have any bath toys when I was small. Caught a crawdad once but mom made me turn it loose.

It was screwed long ago when spanking became child abuse and kids could turn in their own parents and parents using the stupid "time out" crap instead of a switch on the ass.

I've seen time outs work.

 

[Grace]

There is a difference between beating and spanking. I spanked. I also smacked little hands that reached for things that could hurt him. Do that nowadays and see what happens.
I think it depends on the kid whether time outs work.
I never had a bratty kid at the store screaming and rolling on the floor. Nor in restaurants. All I had to do was give him the evil eye if he even thought about it..which he never did. He was a good kid with minor spanks if he got too out of line. So I was lucky with mine. Some kids.....ack. Heathens.

 

[Ringel05]

In 12th grade I was so bored with high school I stopped studying and started failing. The counselor had a talk with me then contacted my mom, told her I was a bright boy but just wouldn't apply myself and wouldn't graduate. Well for the next 3 months my mom went with me to every class I had, every day. My grades went from Ds and Fs to As and Bs overnight.
What's even weirder is I have no real memory of it, my mom told me she did this. I obviously was so mortified at having my mom attend classes with me I blocked it.