~Brighten Your Day~

Discussion in 'Humor' started by Dabs, Sep 16, 2011.

  1. Dabs
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    Dabs ~Unpredictable~

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    Brighten your day.

    My neighbor knocked on my door at 2:30 am this morning, can you
    believe that..... 2:30am?! Luckily for him I was still up playing my
    bagpipes.

    Man calls the police and says "I think my wife is dead" The operator
    says how do you know? He says "The sex is the same but the ironing is
    building up!"

    I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the
    biggest penis she had ever laid her hands on. I said "You're pulling my
    leg."

    I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!! At least I presume
    she was poor - she only had $1.20 in her purse.

    My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my
    girlfriend yet.

    Went for my routine check up today and everything seemed to be going
    fine until he stuck his index finger up my butt! Do you think I should
    change dentists?

    A wife says to her husband you're always pushing me around and talking
    behind my back. He says what do you expect? You're in a wheel chair.

    I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get
    reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she
    would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You're obviously not
    listening. "

    The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the
    worst. So I have been to the thrift shop to get all her clothes back.
     

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