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Move up the date for Armageddon
Bolton UN appointment is slap in the face to global diplomatic community
AUSTIN, Texas -- I must confess, I have sadly underestimated the Bush administration's sense of humor. Appointing John Bolton ambassador to the United Nations: boffo! What a laff riot! Hilarious comedy, a delicious romp, great setup for a sit-com.
Bolton is known for being arrogant, humorless, self-righteous and confrontational, and he hates the United Nations. In other words, the perfect diplomat.
Speaking of setups, would the joke be half as good if President Bush hadn't just returned from a tour of Europe during which he assured our allies he was anxious to improve international cooperation? There, he was promising Europeans old and new that we'd turned a new page, we want nothing more than consultation, cooperation, being buddy-buddy. And then he names Bolton ambassador (oh, ha ha) to the United Nations (ha, ha, ha). Bolton keeps a bronzed grenade in his office to show how proud he is of being called a bomb-thrower.
Bolton himself has said, "I don't do carrots." Meaning he's strictly a stick guy. Intimidation, bullying, threats. The hawk's hawk, the neo-con's darling. This is a single-digit salute to the United Nations.
Bolton's contempt for the United Nations is notorious and could not be clearer. Bolton said: "There is no United Nations. ... When the United States leads, the United Nations will follow. When it suits our interests to do so, we will do so. When it does not suit our interests, we will not." Let's hear it for international consultation and consideration for everyone.
Conservative economist Jude Wanniski writes, "Does President Bush realize he is practically spitting in the faces of the global diplomatic community with his Bolton pick?" Poor Wanniski, just another guy who doesn't get the Bush sense of humor. When W's inner frat boy comes out, we get nothing but yuks. Why do you think Bolton was named Undersecretary of State for arms control in the first place? Because he supports arms control? Don't be silly. He opposed the Anti-Ballistic Missile Treaty, and his version of trying to stop nuclear proliferation is truly arresting.
The Los Angles Times reports: "He confronts some countries with purported evidence of attempts to acquire nuclear and biological weapons, then he tries to persuade allies to support U.S. efforts to isolate them. 'John Bolton has been totally unapologetic about his radical prescription for dealing with the proliferation threat,' Joseph Cirincione of the Carnegie Endowment for International Peace has said. 'The main problem is that it hasn't worked anywhere.'"
Bolton has maddened both North Korea and Iran, not really stable places to begin with, but moderates were gaining ground in Iran. He's the genius who claimed Fidel Castro was starting a germ weapons program, a claim promptly denied by the rest of the administration.
In 2003, Bolton was poised to testify to Congress that Syria was developing weapons of mass destruction and threatened the entire region. This assertion provoked a widely reported "revolt" by U.S. intelligence analysts, who insisted there was no evidence for such a conclusion. Alas, all this earned Bolton a somewhat unfortunate reputation as to veracity. (One of the cardinal rules of punditry is we never accuse anyone of being a liar -- that would be so rude.)
Bolton advocates diplomatic recognition of Taiwan, "just the kind of demonstration of U.S. leadership that the region needs and that many of its people hope for." This, despite the fact that China has repeatedly threatened to go to war on this very point. But, hey, who cares about China?
Bolton's former employer, Jesse Helms of North Carolina, said he is "the kind of man I would want to stand with me at Armageddon." With Bolton's version of "diplomacy," we can move up the date for Armageddon. Bush sure can pick 'em.
On this record, Bush is the kind of guy who would put a bunch of lobbyists for coal and timber companies in charge of the Department of the Interior. Oh, he's already done that. Then, he would put people at the Department of Labor who are toadies for big business. Oh, well. That Bush, what a card.
This administration's foreign policy reminds me of watching someone trying to play chess without being able to think more than one move ahead. Let's go invade Iraq, a country that not only hasn't done anything to us, but isn't even a threat to us, and then we'll be greeted with cheers and flowers, right? Insurgency? Civil war?
Lebanon getting ready to kick out Syria? Hooray -- told you we were bringing democracy to the Middle East. Except, then who's in charge? Hezbollah, you say? Never heard of them.
Bolton UN appointment is slap in the face to global diplomatic community
Bolton is known for being arrogant, humorless, self-righteous and confrontational, and he hates the United Nations. In other words, the perfect diplomat.
Misunderestimation?
By Oliver North
News item: President Bush taps John Bolton for U.S. ambassador to the United Nations.
Dear John:
Congratulations on the new gig as the president's top dog (Rottweiler?) at the United Nations. Given the way the liberals have reacted to your appointment, your confirmation hearings are likely to generate more adrenalin than a Fallujah gunfight.
The thought of you representing us at the U.N. is driving the Bush-bashing, French-kissing, Blame-America-First crowd that savaged Condi Rice and Alberto Gonzalez into a frenzy.
John "Sore Loser" Kerry described your nomination as "just about the most inexplicable appointment the president could make." Your appointment confirms their worst fears: They "misunderestimated" George Bush again. He doesn't just want to change the Middle East -- he intends to change the world.
You have plenty of practice dealing with hostile solons, but permit me to offer some friendly advice based on personal experience sitting at that cloth-covered table:
" First, recognize the Senate libs really do hate your guts. They will tell you off-camera "there is nothing personal" in what they say during the "hearing." Don't believe them. You are the only one in the room who has to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. To paraphrase Col. Jessup, "They can't handle the truth." But don't let that stop you. If you just tell the truth, Teddy Kennedy's head may finally explode.
" Second, remember, you know much more about the important issues than they do. The senators grilling you will be reading questions written for them by staffers who think themselves the smartest people on Earth. Based on your expertise as the undersecretary of state for arms control and international security, you are the world's expert on the dangerously inept International Atomic Energy Agency. You know far better than anyone on "the Hill" that this so-called U.N. "watchdog" is really a Chihuahua -- headed by Keystone Cop Mohamed ElBaradei, who apparently won't rest until every criminal regime on Earth has the bomb.
" Third, it's the sex thing, John. If you want to see the libs on the raised dais squirm, bring up the sexual malfeasance that infects every level of the United Nations. Remind them that Ruud Lubbers had to resign as high commissioner for refugees under a cloud of stink not seen since the Clinton White House. Tell 'em about the so-called U.N. "peacekeepers" in Congo who rape women and girls as young as 7 and the U.N. general who molested his translator -- a young boy. And then ask the potentates of pork why these blue bonnets who leave destitute refugees with a slew of fatherless children and new diseases should be immune to prosecution.
" Fourth, call 'em as you see 'em, John. The bloated big-wigs attacking you aren't accustomed to plain English. Like the striped-pants-set at the U.N., the senators who give you a hard time are masters at obfuscation -- like calling a tax increase "revenue enhancement." When they try this, remind them about Rwanda where the U.N. failed to act and 800,000 perished, or Kosovo where the tortured remains exhumed from mass graves scream for justice. And then tell the good senators who purport to care about "human rights" that while they delay your appointment, the U.N. has "looked into" the Sudan situation and found that while there have been "crimes against humanity," there's no evidence of a "policy of genocide." Tell your inquisitors who bought Bill Clinton's definition of the word is, that when you get to the U.N., you will call genocide what it is: genocide.
" Fifth, Kofi Annan's corruption. Lots of the guys who don't want you at the U.N. love to be seen on the cocktail circuit with their pal Kofi Annan. Tell Kofi's cronies that their buddy presided over the "Oil-for-Food" scandal -- where billions of dollars to feed Iraqis were instead spent by Saddam to build palaces, purchase weapons and buy off foreign leaders to keep the big, bad United States at bay. They will point out that Paul Volcker has already nailed Kofi's chum, Benon Sevan -- the 30-year U.N. veteran who headed the Oil for Food program. Remind them that Kofi's son Kojo is implicated too. Kofi swears he "didn't know anything" about it all. That didn't work for Martha Stewart or the folks running Enron. It shouldn't work for Kofi.
" Sixth, "Eurocrats" in our Senate will want to know your views on giving Germany a permanent seat, and a "veto," on the Security Council. Counter by suggesting that since "Old Europe" is so fond of a single currency and talking about pulling out of NATO to build their own "EU Intervention Force" a better option would be to give the French "seat" on the Security Council to the EU and require its ambassador to speak Flemish.
" Finally, remember the guys trying to peel your hide are "tax and spend" experts. Ask 'em how the U.N.'s madcap idea of taxing American citizens under their so-called "Millennium Development Goals" will go down with their constituents.
For good measure, tell your well-dressed interrogators that when you get to the U.N. you will do something about that unnatural shade of blue deployed U.N. troops wear. It sticks out like a pink feather boa and screams "put cross hairs here."
John, I haven't been this excited about a U.N. ambassador since the heady days of Jeane Kirkpatrick. Keep your cool in the hearings. Save your best for New York. It should be a fun ride.
