http://www.usatoday.com/news/world/2004-10-29-bin-laden-tape_x.htm?csp=24&RM_Exclude=Juno This is TNN; the Terrorist News Network We now give you the latest on the bin laden campaign from our coorespondent Muttafukkkah who's in Aftghanstan Muttafukkkah: Thank you. I'd heard Bin Laden's bid for the presidency; a very good campaign, when you think about it. FOREIGN POLICY Bin Laden promises that if elected, he'll withdraw his troops from Iraq as soon as the US ends it support for the Isreali "crackdown" on the Palestanians; that's obviously liberal because it's simply unrealistic. He also plans to leave it up to the Americans to decide if they want more terrorist acts. That's definitely conservative because conservatives want smaller government and more choices for the people. "Your security is not in the hands of Kerry, Bush or al-Qaeda. Your security is in your own hands," bin Laden said, referring to the president and his Democratic opponent. "Any state that does not mess with our security, has naturally guaranteed its own security." I think he's flip/flopping on his foreign policy DOMESTIC POLICY Bin Laden promises a "kindlier and gentiler" extremist muslim nation. He promises to keep the killing and bloodspilling exclusively within the muslim world. "He accused President Bush of misleading Americans by saying the attack was carried out because al-Qaeda "hates freedom." Bin Laden said his followers have left alone countries that do not threaten Muslims." He cites Sweden? Who the hell would want to attack Sweden other than a nation that has a rival with them in ice hockey? The scariest thing about the "Bin Laden campaign" is quite obvious; he, unlike Bush and Kerry, has a "plan" that can work for his "people" and has the money to support his programs. You can't say the same for the other candidates. Reporting live from some cave along the Bin Laden campaign trail, this is Ahmacoksuka Muttafukkah reporting.