- May 20, 2009
- 23,425
- 8,069
- 890
I have decided to run for President in 2012. I am counting on your vote and support. I'm also counting on your financial support. Please send enough financial support so if I don't get elected President I can at least retire in a style that I would like to become accustomed to.
Here is why I believe you should all vote for me:
- 20 year active duty military retiree. Not a war hero but I served my country with honor.
- I like NASCAR. My favorite driver is Kyle Bush.
- I think the Philiadelphia Phillies are the greatest baseball team in the world.
- I like to kiss babies and their mothers.
- I will hold a beer party on the White House lawn every Saturday afternoon.
- I will say the stuff to other world leaders that no other President has the balls to say.
- All of you will be able to call me on my Presidential cell phone concerning any issue.
- I'm not promising anything so I will never be called a liar.
- I'm neither Democrat or Republican. My political party is the Party of What's This For? (WTF).
- Instead of flying around on Air Force One, I will fly everywhere on that Hooters Air Plane. They have better looking attendents.
- I'll show up every day for work. I'll wear a suit and tie like all good Presidents should. I'll show up sober. I will also show up when tour groups are in the White House.
- I will replace Lincoln's likeness on the penny with the likeness of Richard Petty.
- I will not run for a second term. That's because I will be able to get that nice Presidential retirement plan and a Presidential library by serving only one term.
- There will be a bar in my Presidential library and the beer will be free on President's Day and on your birthday.
- I will have an all-female staff. To be a member of my staff, you must have been featured in any porn magazine.
- I will send every US citizen a Christmas card every year at the taxpayer's expense of course.
- I will cut your taxes in half by instructing the IRS to add a line in the tax forms that states something to the effect of "divide your total tax payment by two. Send in only half. Use the other half for vacations.
Thank you in advance for your support.
Sincerely,
Big Black Dog
My campaign slogan is as follows:
ANYBODY CAN BE PRESIDENT IF YOU GET ENOUGH VOTES. THIS IS AMERICA.
Here is why I believe you should all vote for me:
- 20 year active duty military retiree. Not a war hero but I served my country with honor.
- I like NASCAR. My favorite driver is Kyle Bush.
- I think the Philiadelphia Phillies are the greatest baseball team in the world.
- I like to kiss babies and their mothers.
- I will hold a beer party on the White House lawn every Saturday afternoon.
- I will say the stuff to other world leaders that no other President has the balls to say.
- All of you will be able to call me on my Presidential cell phone concerning any issue.
- I'm not promising anything so I will never be called a liar.
- I'm neither Democrat or Republican. My political party is the Party of What's This For? (WTF).
- Instead of flying around on Air Force One, I will fly everywhere on that Hooters Air Plane. They have better looking attendents.
- I'll show up every day for work. I'll wear a suit and tie like all good Presidents should. I'll show up sober. I will also show up when tour groups are in the White House.
- I will replace Lincoln's likeness on the penny with the likeness of Richard Petty.
- I will not run for a second term. That's because I will be able to get that nice Presidential retirement plan and a Presidential library by serving only one term.
- There will be a bar in my Presidential library and the beer will be free on President's Day and on your birthday.
- I will have an all-female staff. To be a member of my staff, you must have been featured in any porn magazine.
- I will send every US citizen a Christmas card every year at the taxpayer's expense of course.
- I will cut your taxes in half by instructing the IRS to add a line in the tax forms that states something to the effect of "divide your total tax payment by two. Send in only half. Use the other half for vacations.
Thank you in advance for your support.
Sincerely,
Big Black Dog
My campaign slogan is as follows:
ANYBODY CAN BE PRESIDENT IF YOU GET ENOUGH VOTES. THIS IS AMERICA.
!
