Best Calorie Burners

[AVG-JOE]

Which switch?

The turn off switch or the turn on switch?

The switch to a mans heart hangs just below his stomach...

Only when it's in the 'off' position. When 'on' then it is above the stomach...well, for some of us, anyway.

 

[AVG-JOE]

Only when it's in the 'off' position. When 'on' then it is above the stomach...well, for some of us, anyway.

How you doin', Bootneck? When, ummmm ... when do you plan on visiting the States?

It's on my itinerary.

Does putting it on your itinerary make the damn thing droop below your belt line? Yeah, me too...

 

[DamnYankee]

How you doin', Bootneck? When, ummmm ... when do you plan on visiting the States?

It's on my itinerary.

Does putting it on your itinerary make the damn thing droop below your belt line? Yeah, me too...

Umm.... Sometimes ya just got to make appointments to fit 'em all in....

 

[Bootneck]

How you doin', Bootneck? When, ummmm ... when do you plan on visiting the States?

It's on my itinerary.

NY's the first stop, right?

Nah. Indianapolis.

 

[JBeukema]

For eve...
[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y04MHwwkrEE]YouTube - Messy & Alpha Shemale[/ame]

 

[DamnYankee]

It's on my itinerary.

NY's the first stop, right?

Nah. Indianapolis.

Well thanks for the "heads up"!

 

[alan1]

It's been known for years that sex is good exercise, but until recently nobody had made a scientific study of the caloric expenditure of different sexual activities. Now, for the first time in the Western World, here are the true caloric benefits of sex:


Removing her clothes

With consent - 12 Calories

Without consent - 187 Calories


Opening her bra

With both hands - 8 Calories

With one hand - 12 Calories

With your teeth - 85 Calories


Putting on a condom

With an erection - 6 Calories

Without an erection - 315 Calories


Preliminaries

Trying to find the clitoris - 8 Calories

Trying to find the G-Spot - 92 Calories


Positions

Missionary - 12 Calories

69 lying down - 78 Calories

69 standing up - 112 Calories

Wheelbarrow - 216 Calories

Doggy Style - 326 Calories

Italian Chandelier - 912 Calories


Orgasm

Real - 112 Calories

Fake - 315 Calories


Post Orgasm

Lying in bed hugging - 18 Calories

Getting up immediately - 36 Calories

Explaining why you got out of bed immediately - 816 Calories


Getting a second erection

If you are: 20-29 years old - 36 Calories

30-39 years - 80 Calories

40-49 years - 124 Calories

50-59 years - 972 Calories

60-69 years - 2916 Calories

70 and over - Death


Dressing afterwards

Calmly - 32 Calories

In a hurry - 98 Calories

With her father knocking at the door - 1218 Calories

With your wife knocking at the door - 3521 Calories

You forgot a couple categories,

Masturbation (Men)

Lights turned off at night – 70 Calories

Looking at porn on the internet - 82 Calories

Holding up a picture of (insert movie star here) – 97 Calories

On the phone – 110 Calories

While she watches – 125 Calories

While she masturbates with you – 131 Calories

Masturbation (Women)

1st orgasm – 60 Calories

2nd orgasm – 61 Calories

1st and 2nd orgasm with no time lapse between them – 130 Calories

5 orgasms – 295 Calories

9 orgasms – 600 Calories

10 orgasms – 670 Calories

15 orgasms – Lots of calories and I’m jealous

20 orgasms – Holy crap, they can have that many?

>20 orgasms – I love you

 

[Phoenix]

You forgot a couple categories,

Masturbation (Men)

Lights turned off at night – 70 Calories

Looking at porn on the internet - 82 Calories

Holding up a picture of (insert movie star here) – 97 Calories

On the phone – 110 Calories

While she watches – 125 Calories

While she masturbates with you – 131 Calories

Masturbation (Women)

1st orgasm – 60 Calories

2nd orgasm – 61 Calories

1st and 2nd orgasm with no time lapse between them – 130 Calories

5 orgasms – 295 Calories

9 orgasms – 600 Calories

10 orgasms – 670 Calories

15 orgasms – Lots of calories and I’m jealous

20 orgasms – Holy crap, they can have that many?

>20 orgasms – I love you

I bet you say that to all the girls ...

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to MountainMan again.

Bummer, MM.

 

[DamnYankee]

You forgot a couple categories,

Masturbation (Men)

Lights turned off at night – 70 Calories

Looking at porn on the internet - 82 Calories

Holding up a picture of (insert movie star here) – 97 Calories

On the phone – 110 Calories

While she watches – 125 Calories

While she masturbates with you – 131 Calories

Masturbation (Women)

1st orgasm – 60 Calories

2nd orgasm – 61 Calories

1st and 2nd orgasm with no time lapse between them – 130 Calories

5 orgasms – 295 Calories

9 orgasms – 600 Calories

10 orgasms – 670 Calories

15 orgasms – Lots of calories and I’m jealous

20 orgasms – Holy crap, they can have that many?

>20 orgasms – I love you

I bet you say that to all the girls ...

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to MountainMan again.

Bummer, MM.

That's cuz they don't burst his bubble by tellin' him that 18 of them were self-induced....

 

[Phoenix]

That's cuz they don't burst his bubble by tellin' him that 18 of them were self-induced....

Somehow I don't think that matters so much ...

 

[Big Black Dog]

Damn it. Now I have to go change my undies...

 

[alan1]

You forgot a couple categories,

Masturbation (Men)

Lights turned off at night – 70 Calories

Looking at porn on the internet - 82 Calories

Holding up a picture of (insert movie star here) – 97 Calories

On the phone – 110 Calories

While she watches – 125 Calories

While she masturbates with you – 131 Calories

Masturbation (Women)

1st orgasm – 60 Calories

2nd orgasm – 61 Calories

1st and 2nd orgasm with no time lapse between them – 130 Calories

5 orgasms – 295 Calories

9 orgasms – 600 Calories

10 orgasms – 670 Calories

15 orgasms – Lots of calories and I’m jealous

20 orgasms – Holy crap, they can have that many?

>20 orgasms – I love you

I bet you say that to all the girls ...

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to MountainMan again.

Bummer, MM.

That's cuz they don't burst his bubble by tellin' him that 18 of them were self-induced....

It was about masturbation, that would indicate that all of them were self induced.