Best Calorie Burners

Discussion in 'Humor' started by Phoenix, Jul 21, 2009.

  1. Phoenix
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    Phoenix fideli certa merces

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    It's been known for years that sex is good exercise, but until recently nobody had made a scientific study of the caloric expenditure of different sexual activities. Now, for the first time in the Western World, here are the true caloric benefits of sex:


    Removing her clothes

    With consent - 12 Calories

    Without consent - 187 Calories


    Opening her bra

    With both hands - 8 Calories

    With one hand - 12 Calories

    With your teeth - 85 Calories


    Putting on a condom

    With an erection - 6 Calories

    Without an erection - 315 Calories


    Preliminaries

    Trying to find the clitoris - 8 Calories

    Trying to find the G-Spot - 92 Calories


    Positions

    Missionary - 12 Calories

    69 lying down - 78 Calories

    69 standing up - 112 Calories

    Wheelbarrow - 216 Calories

    Doggy Style - 326 Calories

    Italian Chandelier - 912 Calories


    Orgasm

    Real - 112 Calories

    Fake - 315 Calories


    Post Orgasm

    Lying in bed hugging - 18 Calories

    Getting up immediately - 36 Calories

    Explaining why you got out of bed immediately - 816 Calories


    Getting a second erection

    If you are: 20-29 years old - 36 Calories

    30-39 years - 80 Calories

    40-49 years - 124 Calories

    50-59 years - 972 Calories

    60-69 years - 2916 Calories

    70 and over - Death


    Dressing afterwards

    Calmly - 32 Calories

    In a hurry - 98 Calories

    With her father knocking at the door - 1218 Calories

    With your wife knocking at the door - 3521 Calories :eek:
     
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  2. Coyote
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    Coyote Varmint Staff Member Senior USMB Moderator Gold Supporting Member

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    ....off to burn some calories....
     
  3. Phoenix
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    Phoenix fideli certa merces

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    Atta girl! :clap2:
     
  4. xotoxi
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    xotoxi Platinum Member

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    How many calories if you are a Chubby Chaser?
     
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  5. Phoenix
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    Phoenix fideli certa merces

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    Multiply that(112 calories) by every 50 lbs. I guess? :eusa_eh:
     
    Last edited: Jul 21, 2009
  6. JBeukema
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    JBeukema BANNED

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  7. Coyote
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    Coyote Varmint Staff Member Senior USMB Moderator Gold Supporting Member

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    okie dokie...


    Italian Chandelier.....errr....hmmm
     
  8. Phoenix
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    Phoenix fideli certa merces

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    Redneck equivalent - ceiling fan :D
     
  9. Zoom-boing
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    Zoom-boing Gold Member

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    69 -- standing up? Better wear a helmet.
     
  10. Phoenix
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    Phoenix fideli certa merces

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    Yer a detail-oriented person, aren't you? :D
     

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