Because I'm a Man....well not ME

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Joz, Mar 21, 2006.

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  1. Joz
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    Joz Senior Member

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    Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in. Calling AAA is not an option. I will win.
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    Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink a couple of beers and break wind, as a form of holy communion.
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    Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you, this is no problem.
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    Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like meat and beer. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing.
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    Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.
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    Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it.....though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator..... (applies to engineers mainly).
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    Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The true answer is always either sex, cars, sex, sports or sex. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask.
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    Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mother, too.
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    Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't....and if you are feeling amorous afterwards....then I will certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to others
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    Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?
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    Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2006, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest..... Like wandering around in the garden with a beer wondering what to do.

    This has been a public service message for women to better understand men.
     
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  2. dilloduck
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    dilloduck Diamond Member

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    You sound almost envious. :cof:
     
  3. Mr. P
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    Mr. P Senior Member

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    Sounds like she had a bad divorce to me. Lots of hate in that list. :eek2:

    Hey, it is in chat, not humor. :dunno:
     
  4. Nienna
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    Nienna Senior Member

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    I think my husband wrote that one.
    But, John is an awesome shopper. He can always FIND cumin... he just can't pronounce it! :D
     
  5. archangel
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    archangel Guest

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    I went through two sorta kinda bad marriages...but I still like the gals...have two daughters and two grandaughters...I gave them my take based on experience...they still like guys...so why all the hate is behond( or is that beyond in case the grammar and sp police want to attack!)my comprehension! :dunno:
     
  6. Annie
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    Annie Diamond Member

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    Actually, more than a lot of truth in that list. :laugh:
     
  7. 5stringJeff
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    5stringJeff Senior Member

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    Word x 4.
     
  8. dilloduck
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    dilloduck Diamond Member

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    Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you, this is no problem


    Until you have had the MALE cold, you will never be able to understand what it's like. How unsympathetic ! :teeth:
     
  9. archangel
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    archangel Guest

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    I am guilty too...guys move on girls(most) want to beat a dead horse...imo!

    ps: some "metro guys" too....***cough***
     
  10. dmp
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    dmp Senior Member

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    I have issues - that's probably why I don't like these types of 'jokes'. :-/
     
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