Ask Joe (a new advice column just for USMB members)

[AVG-JOE]

Dear Joe:

Will it take an airborne variant of Ebola to kill this thread?

I mean, if the upgrade kaint kill her off, can anything?

Many thanks from a loyal reader

Signed

Pop23

Nah... I have a feeling that if the head of this snake is lopped off, seven more with ten horns will grow to take its place.

Just a feeling though... I don't know why. ​

 

[AVG-JOE]

Dear Joe,
I post on a message board where one member promised to never post again if The President, President Obama, was reelected. He has returned as a sock, What should I do, ignore him, cuss him, kick his candy ass, or let others know what a cowardly punk he is?

Sign me as Wry Catcher (a Nom be Plume).

Store not the venom born of broken promises in your heart, Grasshopper... Learn from them!

Fool me once...​

 

[Derideo_Te]

Dear Joe,

I am thinking of writing a book on current political events. I am trying to decide on the title and need your help. Which is likely to garner more sales? "The Ebolans have Landed", "Senate and Sensibility" or "The Goobers, the Bald and the Fuglies"?

Aspiring Righter

 

[Pogo]

Dear Joe,

Was Marilyn Monroe really blonde, I mean, all over?

She was the last time I checked, but you know chicks... fickle creatures.

- AVG-Joe DiMaggio.​

Dear AVG Joe DiMaggio --

Where have you gone?

 

[AVG-JOE]

Dear Joe,

I am thinking of writing a book on current political events. I am trying to decide on the title and need your help. Which is likely to garner more sales? "The Ebolans have Landed", "Senate and Sensibility" or "The Goobers, the Bald and the Fuglies"?

Aspiring Righter

"The Goobers, the Bald and the Fuglies".

It's the only one that doesn't immediately sound like a Sci-Fi / Romance bastardization fantasy novel.

Non-Fiction, yes?​

 

[AVG-JOE]

Dear AVG Joe DiMaggio --

Where have you gone?

Marilyn's Mansion, Bro'!

Where else?

​

 

[Vandalshandle]

Dear Joe,

Why do women go to the restroom in pairs? I thought that it was some sort of social protocol and etiquette thing, but when I asked Bruce if he wanted to go to the restroom with me, he decked me.

Lonely in the john.

 

[AVG-JOE]

From an Evolutionary point of view, men look out first for #1, then their own, and finally the tribe. Women look out for their own first, themselves second, and then the tribe.

When a dude walks off to take care of any business he thinks he can handle on his own, he's genetically engineered to do so alone so that he doesn't have to share anything with anyone, especially if he comes across a couple of females taking care of their own business. The gals learned early on to take a friend to keep a watch out for skeevy males. 12,000 years later We, the non-skeevy males, are just along for the genetic ride at this point in time.

Either that or Bruce saw a spider on your face. Men named Bruce have issues with spiders. I don't know why.

 

[IlarMeilyr]

It started HERE:

As usual Avg-Joe got stuck sweeping up the ribbons and wine bottles after Scat and C_K's orgy. Dot, Wake and Ropey got invites but not Joe. No one ever thinks of asking Joe.

It got me to thinking (both unusual in its own right and potentially dangerous). Why not have an advice forum?

Naturally, I thought of Joe. Of course, I can't say I ASKED him. But I volunteered him just the same.

Consider Avg-Joe your New Dear Abby.

Ask Joe!

Dear Joe,
I post on a message board where one member promised to never post again if The President, President Obama, was reelected. He has returned as a sock, What should I do, ignore him, cuss him, kick his candy ass, or let others know what a cowardly punk he is?

Sign me as Wry Catcher (a Nom be Plume).

Oh wow. There's a non surprise. A pussy ass lying liar engaged in lying. Smells like wry crapper. So Joe, here's a question. Why would you reply to his lie as if it weren't a lie?

 

[AVG-JOE]

That's a good question. A damn good question.

The answer to which is that, contrary to rumor, I don't actually walk on water and I fucked up. I said earlier that I didn't want to answer questions about other members, pasts or present drama and sho' 'nuff I fucked up and answered one.


I offer you a heart-felt "Sorry, Bro." It's the best I can do for you.

`​

 

[AVG-JOE]

Actually, it's not. The best I can do for you, that is...

I can answer your question.

Technically the post is and it isn't lies.

It isn't a lie that you made a bet involving permanent retirement if Obama was reelected / It is a lie that you're back as a sock.

You were authorized for resurrection.

It's rare, but you weren't the first and you weren't the last.


Monty Python would say that you 'got better'.

​

 

[AVG-JOE]

AVG-MOD would admonish everyone to remember that the only subject that's off limits in this thread is the actual histories of other members.

 

[AVG-JOE]

​

 

[AVG-JOE]

One more clarification....

The circumstances surrounding that bet warranted that judgement call in my humble opinion. The details at this point are moot, I stand by my original position on the decision.

 

[Vandalshandle]

Dear Joe,

My older brother, at age 17, back in 1960, shot himself in the leg with a 22, while practicing his "fast draw". Now, keep in mind that in 1960, there were about 25 Westerns on TV every week. My brother has always been somewhat impressionable.

Now, he is in his mid 70's, and has more guns than Davy Crockett, and shoots everything that moves, including a beaver on the lake where he lives in Texas. He worships the NRA. His wife used to carry a revolver in her purse without a trigger guard, before they took it away from her at the airport (That's another story). He carries one for protection, but has become deeply depressed, because the only thing that has attacked him is a Chihuahua that belongs to his neighbor, and he did not feel comfortable shooting it.

My question is, should he move to New Orleans where his dream will come true, or should he stay where he is, and run for county commissioner as a tea partier?

Straight shooter in AZ

 

[IlarMeilyr]

Actually, it's not. The best I can do for you, that is...

I can answer your question.

Technically the post is and it isn't lies.

It isn't a lie that you made a bet involving permanent retirement if Obama was reelected / It is a lie that you're back as a sock.

You were authorized for resurrection.

It's rare, but you weren't the first and you weren't the last.


Monty Python would say that you 'got better'.

​

No. What is a lie is that I made any promise. I made a bet. That was true but not what the twat said. And the other party to the bet got "permabanned" before the culmination of the bet. I was indeed never a sock however.

 

[AVG-JOE]

That would be among those details that I mentioned were moot at this juncture on the Timeline.


How about those (insert your preferred Sports Team here)?

​

 

[AVG-JOE]

Dear Joe,

My older brother, at age 17, back in 1960, shot himself in the leg with a 22, while practicing his "fast draw". Now, keep in mind that in 1960, there were about 25 Westerns on TV every week. My brother has always been somewhat impressionable.

Now, he is in his mid 70's, and has more guns than Davy Crockett, and shoots everything that moves, including a beaver on the lake where he lives in Texas. He worships the NRA. His wife used to carry a revolver in her purse without a trigger guard, before they took it away from her at the airport (That's another story). He carries one for protection, but has become deeply depressed, because the only thing that has attacked him is a Chihuahua that belongs to his neighbor, and he did not feel comfortable shooting it.

My question is, should he move to New Orleans where his dream will come true, or should he stay where he is, and run for county commissioner as a tea partier?

Straight shooter in AZ

He should chew on the options for another 36 to 48 hours before deciding.

And he should keep all firearms out of his pants pockets...

The last thing we need is another gun-guy going off half-cocked. ​

 

[IlarMeilyr]

One more clarification....

The circumstances surrounding that bet warranted that judgement call in my humble opinion. The details at this point are moot, I stand by my original position on the decision.

What "judgment call?"

I did make a bet. The other guy was compelled to leave. This voided/nullified and terminated the bet. True fact.

But the bet was a bet between me and a guy who had gotten permabanned (I failed to realize that "permabanned" has no fixed meaning here, I concede). That is not a promise by me to anybody, much less a promise between me and Wry farter. I owed the permabanned dufus nothing. I certainly owed fly catcher nothing. (That said, let it be noted that IF the other guy had not gotten permabanned, then the bet would have survived and I would be gone-ski.)

Now as to my departure. I left. I returned. I also later asked for a name change. Permission was granted -- upon condition that the old account be closed. It is. Closed. Locked. Sealed. I do still make limited use of my old Belushi avi, though.

Life is good.

If you don't believe it, just Ask Joe.

 

[Darlene]

Dear Joe,

Are you more dominant or submissive?