Are we an impolite society?

[PoliticalChic]

A new year's resolution: Could we be a little more polite, please?

By Michael Deacon

Two years ago I was travelling by train from London to Edinburgh to spend Christmas with my family. All the seats were taken, so I had to stand in the aisle. I wasn't the only one. Standing a few feet away from me was an elderly man who looked familiar. The sergeant-major posture, the aquiline nose, the forbidding brow of an Easter Island monolith: Jack Charlton.

I was surprised. Not because I'd found myself sharing a standard-class train carriage with a much-loved former footballer, but because no one offered him a seat. A lot of the seats in the carriage were occupied by young men wearing football tops. Clearly, they liked football – and yet, just as clearly, they didn't like football enough to give up their seat to a man who had once helped their country to win the World Cup. Charlton, who was then aged 71, stayed on the train until it reached Newcastle. The journey took around three hours. He spent every minute on his feet, completing a crossword puzzle in a newspaper he had no surface to rest on.

I was surprised at the time. I don't think that I would be now. Because in 2008, Britain as a nation became ruder than ever. And I'm not even talking about the kind of rudeness that prompted Jonathan Ross and Russell Brand to leave chortlingly obscene messages on the answering machine of a blameless actor. I'm talking about bad manners.

More and more last year, it seemed that many of us thought it our right to offend or inconvenience others. We considered consideration beneath us. Today, as we decide on our New Year's resolutions for 2009, being more polite would make an excellent choice.

Read more below:

A new year's resolution: Could we be a little more polite, please? - Telegraph

 

[PoliticalChic]

I've witnessed some bad manners on the subway and on the bus.

Call me old-fashioned, but shouldn't someone who is able to stand give up his/her seat to a pregnant lady? I know a pregnant lady when I see one and I couldn't believe not one person would give up his/her seat. I would have given up my seat if I had one, but there were many strong-able bodied people who pretended not to notice a pregnant woman holding onto a pole on the subway.

I had noticed this on many occasions on my commutes to/from work when I use to work full-time in Manhattan. Perhaps, people haven't been raised with good manners or they just didn't want to think about this pregnant lady because they wanted to read or rest their own legs. Perhaps, this is just a NYC thing.

What are your experiences?

 

[Truthmatters]

I find the nicer I am to people in the public the nicer they are to others and me.

It is truely contageous.

 

[random3434]

Doesn't anyone (except my daughter and myself) write hand written thank you notes anymore?


It's a little thing, sure, but geez, someone takes the time to buy you a gift they think you would like....you could take a few minutes to drop them a note in the mail.

It means a lot to people, especially the grandparents.......they are thrilled with getting a letter in the mail, thanking them for the gift they sent their grandchild.

That, to me, is also good manners.

Also,like Truthmatters said, just looking people in the eye, saying "hi" and being friendly,,,,

 

[Truthmatters]

I just can not make myself write thank you notes.

I dont know what it is.

I usually call instead.

 

[editec]

A new year's resolution: Could we be a little more polite, please?

By Michael Deacon

Two years ago I was travelling by train from London to Edinburgh to spend Christmas with my family. All the seats were taken, so I had to stand in the aisle. I wasn't the only one. Standing a few feet away from me was an elderly man who looked familiar. The sergeant-major posture, the aquiline nose, the forbidding brow of an Easter Island monolith: Jack Charlton.

I was surprised. Not because I'd found myself sharing a standard-class train carriage with a much-loved former footballer, but because no one offered him a seat. A lot of the seats in the carriage were occupied by young men wearing football tops. Clearly, they liked football – and yet, just as clearly, they didn't like football enough to give up their seat to a man who had once helped their country to win the World Cup. Charlton, who was then aged 71, stayed on the train until it reached Newcastle. The journey took around three hours. He spent every minute on his feet, completing a crossword puzzle in a newspaper he had no surface to rest on.

I was surprised at the time. I don't think that I would be now. Because in 2008, Britain as a nation became ruder than ever. And I'm not even talking about the kind of rudeness that prompted Jonathan Ross and Russell Brand to leave chortlingly obscene messages on the answering machine of a blameless actor. I'm talking about bad manners.

More and more last year, it seemed that many of us thought it our right to offend or inconvenience others. We considered consideration beneath us. Today, as we decide on our New Year's resolutions for 2009, being more polite would make an excellent choice.

Read more below:

A new year's resolution: Could we be a little more polite, please? - Telegraph

Well, of course England isn't a polite society.

They're not well armed society.

 

[PoliticalChic]

Doesn't anyone (except my daughter and myself) write hand written thank you notes anymore?


It's a little thing, sure, but geez, someone takes the time to buy you a gift they think you would like....you could take a few minutes to drop them a note in the mail.

It means a lot to people, especially the grandparents.......they are thrilled with getting a letter in the mail, thanking them for the gift they sent their grandchild.

That, to me, is also good manners.

Also,like Truthmatters said, just looking people in the eye, saying "hi" and being friendly,,,,

I know what you mean. If someone took the time to find a gift for you, a thank you note seems so little. It's also how you were raised.

I also think that there is a "time-frame" to thank you notes.

A few years ago, my husband and I were invited to a couple's wedding. We didn't know the couple too well and the groom was a colleague of my husband's. We gave them a monetary gift and decided not to attend. I couldn't believe weeks went by and we never got a word of thanks either in writing or a call.

Several months went by and the husband made some excuse that they didn't get the photos back from the photographer and that was why the thank you notes were delayed.

We got the thank you note one year from when the gift was given. Some people will say, "well, better late than never." But it is truly inconsiderate to send the thank you notes that late. The notes should have been send out in a more timely manner without the photos. That whole situation left a very sour taste in my mouth...

 

[PoliticalChic]

I just can not make myself write thank you notes.

I dont know what it is.

I usually call instead.

I think a call is just as good if not better. It's the acknowledgement that counts.

 

[PoliticalChic]

Well, of course England isn't a polite society.

They're not well armed society.

LOL! But despite being relatively disarmed, I found that the gentlemen for the most part would rise up for a lady on the trains.

 

[random3434]

LOL! But despite being relatively disarmed, I found that the gentlemen for the most part would rise up for a lady on the trains.

Somehow I think editec would give his seat up to someone who needed it.

 

[Luissa]

I've witnessed some bad manners on the subway and on the bus.

Call me old-fashioned, but shouldn't someone who is able to stand give up his/her seat to a pregnant lady? I know a pregnant lady when I see one and I couldn't believe not one person would give up his/her seat. I would have given up my seat if I had one, but there were many strong-able bodied people who pretended not to notice a pregnant woman holding onto a pole on the subway.

I had noticed this on many occasions on my commutes to/from work when I use to work full-time in Manhattan. Perhaps, people haven't been raised with good manners or they just didn't want to think about this pregnant lady because they wanted to read or rest their own legs. Perhaps, this is just a NYC thing.

What are your experiences?

People are very rude in our society! I noticed this very much when I was pregnant! Also having worked retail I saw quite a bit of rudeness or whenever I go to Walmart. People act as though they are the only ones on this planet that are important. How about when you let someone enter the freeway but speed up when it is your turn soon after to exit!
My faith has been alittle restored lately during the recent large amount of snow fall where I live, one example is on saturdays people meet at area grocery stores and go and dig people out, shoveling their driveways etc. Also there was a family this year that lost their home to a fire around Christmas along with all their gifts. People stepped up bringing them gifts, food, and finding them a place to live. I have always figure what goes around comes around. You should always open the door for the elderly or people carrying a baby or just because you think it would be polite. Like they say Pay it Forward.
I will have to find this story about this one guy and get back to ya!

 

[tigerbob]

I
What are your experiences?

Since I became an 'adult' (which means since I starting actually being an adult, not since I attained the age of majority) I've never knowingly failed to give up my seat to someone who is elderly, handicapped, pregnant, or otherwise encumbered with a young child or heavy shopping. I'd just feel kind of scummy if I didn't.

The OP doesn't surprise me. Jack Charlton's face is fairly well known in Britain, though arguably not as well as his brother Bobby's. I don't think there are any common symptoms for this state of affairs, but one theme does occur to me.

Young people (teens) are more likely to behave discourteously than older people, because they are sometimes so focused on showing everyone how independent they are. Societal expectations are viewed as something that can be rebelled against. Looking back to my own teens, I can't remember exactly why I behaved the way I did on some occasions, but I think it was to do with showing people I didn't care what they thought. The irony is of course that I cared desperately. Everything was done for effect.

I don't know a single person (who has talked to me about this) that does not regret the way they occasionally behaved as a teen. But when they were teens, they used to dismiss the advice / observations / comments of their parents' generation with responses like "it's different now" or "you can't possibly understand".

That is the way my daughter will probably be responding to me in 5 years time (or earlier!). The reality is that it hasn't changed as much as they think. It's just that their lives have changed immeasurably between the ages of say 10 and 15, and they can't fathom how a parent can fail to recognize how hugely complex their lives are, certainly more complex than it must have been during the ice-age of their parents' youth.

This is not to say that parents have all the answers, just that they have a huge amount of familiarity with most of the questions, which tend to be the same generation after generation, and have mused on the answers and outcomes for a lot longer.

I realize I'm drifting off topic a bit here. Oh well.

 

[tigerbob]

Well, of course England isn't a polite society.

They're not well armed society.

Pfft...

 

[random3434]

TigerBob is another person who I know would always give up his seat for someone if needed.

It's weird, you can tell someones character through an internet message board,eh?

 

[alan1]

Well, of course England isn't a polite society.

They're not well armed society.

I'd give up my seat to the armless and legless alike. But if you are headless and still walking around, I'd be kind of freaked out.

 

[Amanda]

I've witnessed some bad manners on the subway and on the bus.

Call me old-fashioned, but shouldn't someone who is able to stand give up his/her seat to a pregnant lady? I know a pregnant lady when I see one and I couldn't believe not one person would give up his/her seat. I would have given up my seat if I had one, but there were many strong-able bodied people who pretended not to notice a pregnant woman holding onto a pole on the subway.

This probably won't be well received but... I think the equality movements have had a big effect on politeness. I come from where it's still "backward" and there is a lot of politeness (also a lot off guns, LOL). We didn't have commuter trains and things like that, but if we had you can be damn sure there wouldn't have been 1 woman, any woman not just pregnant or whatever, standing if a man could have given up his seat. Any guy that thought that was going to fly probably would have got a severe beatdown.

Now I live in the enlightened city. I don't hate it or anything, but I have zero expectation that anyone will even hold a door for me if my hands are full. But I guess I'm much more equal.

Doesn't anyone (except my daughter and myself) write hand written thank you notes anymore?

I do. It only takes a moment to show someone you appreciate their thoughtfulness.

 

[xsited1]

I've notice impoliteness in many European countries and in many places in the States, although Southerners in the US are usually very polite. Having lived in Little Rock for a few years, I'm still amazed at how polite people are to one another.

 

[editec]

Somehow I think editec would give his seat up to someone who needed it.

Especially if they were heavily armed.

 

[PoliticalChic]

This probably won't be well received but... I think the equality movements have had a big effect on politeness. I come from where it's still "backward" and there is a lot of politeness (also a lot off guns, LOL). We didn't have commuter trains and things like that, but if we had you can be damn sure there wouldn't have been 1 woman, any woman not just pregnant or whatever, standing if a man could have given up his seat. Any guy that thought that was going to fly probably would have got a severe beatdown.

Now I live in the enlightened city. I don't hate it or anything, but I have zero expectation that anyone will even hold a door for me if my hands are full. But I guess I'm much more equal.



I do. It only takes a moment to show someone you appreciate their thoughtfulness.

I think I hear what you are saying, but honestly, I think that is a phony excuse. What about an elderly man or an elderly lady? They shouldn't have to ask anyone for a seat. It's common courtesy.

BTW, strange that you mention people holding doors. People always hold doors for each other in my neighborhood. And please hold the door for the women with strollers. It's so hard to manage to hold a door open and push a stroller through at the same time.

Perhaps, I'm preaching to the converted, because I can't imagine anyone who has replied to this thread would be rude in any shape or form.

 

[editec]

A little courtesy costs us nothing, but it can mean a lot to the people on the receiving end of it, I think.

I'm sometimes ostentagiously courteous or engaging with people just going through the motions of their dead end jobs.

I know what a soul deadening experience it can be to have that kind of job where much of the public treats you like a public urinal.

Never trust ANYONE who is pointlessly rude to a waitress, a maid, a bartender or any person doing a menial task for them.

Sooner or later, you're just one of the help to them, too. They're NOT to be trusted.