Anybody ever?

[Si modo]

Has anybody ever given a friend or family member an ultimatum about going into alcohol rehab? I just did it to a ex-colleague (and friend). Took him into a hospital this morning. I'm pretty numb because I am beyond frustrated.

 

[xotoxi]

Has anybody ever given a friend or family member an ultimatum about going into alcohol rehab? I just did it to a ex-colleague (and friend). Took him into a hospital this morning. I'm pretty numb because I am beyond frustrated.

Nice job! It must have been very hard for you, but I'm pretty sure after he gets the treatment he needs, he will thank you.

 

[Sarah G]

Has anybody ever given a friend or family member an ultimatum about going into alcohol rehab? I just did it to a ex-colleague (and friend). Took him into a hospital this morning. I'm pretty numb because I am beyond frustrated.

Good for you!

 

[random3434]

Not for alcohol rehab but for mental health issues, so she wouldn't try to harm herself again.

Good for you, I hope he is strong enough to want to change for himself and his loved ones.

 

[Si modo]

Man, thanks guys. I am so tired and so numb. On the one hand I feel bad because I scared the crap out of him with the ultimatum (his job), on the other hand, I gave it a week's thought and concluded yesterday that it was the right thing to do.

Now, who knows. He's scared about his job anyway.

Eh, I'm just babbling. I heard so much irrationality from him and I kept my cool until the last hour of it. I was so worn out from it that I just couldn't hear one more whine and I told him to just STFU that I was sick of his bullshit and his job was finished.

It's not finished, though, because he was at 'intake', so I said that out of pure meanness and feel a bit like shit for it.

I will get over it, though.

 

[xotoxi]

Man, thanks guys. I am so tired and so numb. On the one hand I feel bad because I scared the crap out of him with the ultimatum (his job), on the other hand, I gave it a week's thought and concluded yesterday that it was the right thing to do.

Now, who knows. He's scared about his job anyway.

Eh, I'm just babbling. I heard so much irrationality from him and I kept my cool until the last hour of it. I was so worn out from it that I just couldn't hear one more whine and I told him to just STFU that I was sick of his bullshit and his job was finished.

It's not finished, though, because he was at 'intake', so I said that out of pure meanness and feel a bit like shit for it.

I will get over it, though.

I have dealt with similar situations when dealing with patients. Although I didn't have as close a personal stake in their issues, it can be extremely exasperating in dealing with someone who is being controlled by an addiction or a psychiatric disorder. Everything that they say is irrational, but that is only because they are trying to rationalize something that is clearly wrong.

It's sort of like trying to argue with Terral.

 

[Si modo]

Man, thanks guys. I am so tired and so numb. On the one hand I feel bad because I scared the crap out of him with the ultimatum (his job), on the other hand, I gave it a week's thought and concluded yesterday that it was the right thing to do.

Now, who knows. He's scared about his job anyway.

Eh, I'm just babbling. I heard so much irrationality from him and I kept my cool until the last hour of it. I was so worn out from it that I just couldn't hear one more whine and I told him to just STFU that I was sick of his bullshit and his job was finished.

It's not finished, though, because he was at 'intake', so I said that out of pure meanness and feel a bit like shit for it.

I will get over it, though.

I have dealt with similar situations when dealing with patients. Although I didn't have as close a personal stake in their issues, it can be extremely exasperating in dealing with someone who is being controlled by an addiction or a psychiatric disorder. Everything that they say is irrational, but that is only because they are trying to rationalize something that is clearly wrong.

It's sort of like trying to argue with Terral.

[Emphasis added] I can't thank you enough for the laughs.

And, physicians have their work cut out for them. Not only do they have to practice the medicine, they have to deal with the human personality and all that may bring. (I prefer the lab for good reason, I guess. )

 

[actsnoblemartin]

youre an excellent example of a true friend

 

[Mr. H.]

My oldest brother had terrible bouts with booze. We were sharing an apartment at the time and lived outside the city limits. I called the Sheriff's office and was told they would come lock him up if I thought he'd do harm to himself or others. Well, I put that ultimatum to him and he straightened up- for a while. He eventually reverted to his ways, had a heart attack, and was dead at 49. I still feel guilt over it.

 

[Si modo]

My oldest brother had terrible bouts with booze. We were sharing an apartment at the time and lived outside the city limits. I called the Sheriff's office and was told they would come lock him up if I thought he'd do harm to himself or others. Well, I put that ultimatum to him and he straightened up- for a while. He eventually reverted to his ways, had a heart attack, and was dead at 49. I still feel guilt over it.

I'm sorry for your loss - a brother, no less.

That alcohol addiction is something else. I am amazed how it gets a grip on some. I've never seen it up close and personal like that, and I drink from time to time.

The alcohol killed him. Of course you know that and I wish you the best in getting some peace from guilt - the guilt won't do you or your brother (or his memory) any good because the guilt lies squarely on ethanol.

 

[Zander]

youre an excellent example of a true friend

I agree 100%. It takes guts to really help someone.

 

[Said1]

Has anybody ever given a friend or family member an ultimatum about going into alcohol rehab? I just did it to a ex-colleague (and friend). Took him into a hospital this morning. I'm pretty numb because I am beyond frustrated.

Yes, and it didn't work out so well.

Not to be cynical, but for most who have serious problems, it takes a few stabs a rehab until they get it. Rome wasn't built in a day, etc, etc. Good for you though, most people give up - be patient, but not in an enabling way. LOL.

 

[Wry Catcher]

Ultimatums rarely work; interventions can and have worked wonders. I'd suggest anyone in a similar situation do some research before acting.

 

[Mr. H.]

My oldest brother had terrible bouts with booze. We were sharing an apartment at the time and lived outside the city limits. I called the Sheriff's office and was told they would come lock him up if I thought he'd do harm to himself or others. Well, I put that ultimatum to him and he straightened up- for a while. He eventually reverted to his ways, had a heart attack, and was dead at 49. I still feel guilt over it.

I'm sorry for your loss - a brother, no less.

That alcohol addiction is something else. I am amazed how it gets a grip on some. I've never seen it up close and personal like that, and I drink from time to time.

The alcohol killed him. Of course you know that and I wish you the best in getting some peace from guilt - the guilt won't do you or your brother (or his memory) any good because the guilt lies squarely on ethanol.

Thanks. I recently visited a Tarot reader. It helped tremendously. This thread helps too.

 

[Si modo]

Has anybody ever given a friend or family member an ultimatum about going into alcohol rehab? I just did it to a ex-colleague (and friend). Took him into a hospital this morning. I'm pretty numb because I am beyond frustrated.

Yes, and it didn't work out so well.

Not to be cynical, but for most who have serious problems, it takes a few stabs a rehab until they get it. Rome wasn't built in a day, etc, etc. Good for you though, most people give up - be patient, but not in an enabling way. LOL.

Thanks, Said1. I have a friend who is a recovering alcoholic (didn't find out until after fives years into our friendship that she is in recovery) so she sort of talked me through this. She warned me about relapses.

He's just a friend (we used to date about a year and a half ago, but I've moved on since then and kept him as a friend). I've done the most that I can do for him at this point and accept the fact that the rest is on him. I can't and won't get sucked in further than this. I was joking with her that this 'good deed' (pfftt...doesn't feel that way) should do me until about March of next year. LOL.

Anyway, today's his springboard. He knows how to do the rest somewhere inside of himself and he has to find that to be able to live again.

 

[Luissa]

We did to my uncle, and my family almost sent me. I got pregnant instead.
I saw pregnancy has a nine month drug rehab for me.
I have gone through this with my kids dad, just remember I believe on average they fall of the wagon seven times, you just have to be there to help them get back the wagon but don't give them money or anything that will help there habit and never let them move in. And don't forget about them when they come out because that is when they need you the most.

 

[Midnight Marauder]

Twice in my life I have taken friends into my home and dried them out, rehabilitated them. Success rate? 100%. Both had hit absolute rock bottom, had no job, no prospects, no future. Both stayed with me about seven months to get turned around.

Neither has touched a drop since. One is 25 years sober, the other is 22. Both are successful, now are married and have kids, and it's a good deal all around.

/own horn toot.

Excellent work Si Modo, it IS a tough thing to do no matter how it's done.

 

[Luissa]

Twice in my life I have taken friends into my home and dried them out, rehabilitated them. Success rate? 100%. Both had hit absolute rock bottom, had no job, no prospects, no future. Both stayed with me about seven months to get turned around.

Neither has touched a drop since. One is 25 years sober, the other is 22. Both are successful, now are married and have kids, and it's a good deal all around.

/own horn toot.

Excellent work Si Modo, it IS a tough thing to do no matter how it's done.

that is awesome!

 

[JD_2B]

Has anybody ever given a friend or family member an ultimatum about going into alcohol rehab? I just did it to a ex-colleague (and friend). Took him into a hospital this morning. I'm pretty numb because I am beyond frustrated.

YEP.

I refuse to be one of those "enablers" willing to remain in a codependent situation..

Profile of a codependent from my personal and educated perspective: (I use the word you, because I am speaking to you, directly, but please consider this as an in general overview of codependency, rather than me making assumptions about you personally)

Frustrated you should be. People with addictions have a tendency to put the agent before everything and everyone in their lives. They are so rigid about using it, that it becomes a pathology for them.

Don't be frustrated.. You can love and support someone your whole entire life, without them ever doing the same for themselves. Breaking a cycle of codependency is very difficult, and you are expected to have a lot of mixed feelings about it.

On one hand, you feel bad that you are "kicking" someone out of your life, potentially.. You feel that they may not be able to survive or thrive without you- that you are their protector, etc.. I am putting this in very general terms, of course.

On the other hand, you know based on the shared history alone, along with any knowledge you might also have about substance abuse and codependency, that there is NOTHING short of an ultimatum or kicking them out of your life, that can possibly save them, and that the only way to spare yourself a life of misery is to do this very thing.

You may have a past history of being underappreciated, and, during the relationship (to whatever extent or deepness your friendship went- it still counts as a relationship, because it is interpersonal) this person probably made you feel as if you were helping them out from time to time, or even regularly. Even giving a friend a couch to sleep on when they were having a fight with a lover, or helping them with certain repairs they needed, or just whatever- made you feel needed and appreciated. The good thing is that you know now that you were not in a healthy relationship.. You needed that person to do wrong whatever they did wrong, in order to feel appreciated by them. This is generally who gets involved in this type of situation anyways.. maybe not you, I dont know.. But it is something to remain open minded to, so that it does not happen again.

I do want to say, I am very proud of anyone who makes the right decision. I think you did make the right decision here.

For all any of us know, this person may get out of rehab and go back to using the agent (alcohol or even drugs, gambling, sex, etc- addicts will often just switch addictive agents, generally switch from drugs to drinking, or one drug to another, etc, but you have to look for signs that they are gambling, or anything else- remember, they are not addicted to alcohol, they are addicted to substituting something for real life responsibility and interpersonal relationships, possibly because they have deep rooted issues that need to be addressed, also). If this happens, the only thing you SHOULD do is to call that friend on his addiction, and let him know that "switching" addictions will not stop his problems.. Tell them that they may not come around until they are clean, sober, and without any other addictions that interfere with their lives.

You have the animal right to protect the life of yourself and your offspring. Pat yourself on the back.. You did the right thing!!! =)

 

[JakeStarkey]

Has anybody ever given a friend or family member an ultimatum about going into alcohol rehab? I just did it to a ex-colleague (and friend). Took him into a hospital this morning. I'm pretty numb because I am beyond frustrated.

Man, that is hard on you, for you. I will keep you in my thoughts. And stay strong for your friend as you do the right thing. Hang in there.