Angry Women

I just wanted to make this thread 100.. silly really.. but when you get to know me, it all makes sense...
 
I just wanted to make this thread 100.. silly really.. but when you get to know me, it all makes sense...

:) Makes sense to me.

However, if any of you guys really want to understand women and/or understand why the woman in your life may be a bit cranky, can I encourage you to volunteer for the next "Survivor" series?

It will go something like this (origin unknown or I would properly credit it):

THE NEXT SURVIVOR SERIES

Twenty married men will be dropped on an island with one car and 3 kids each for six week..

Each kid will play two sports and take either music or dance classes.

There is no fast food.

Each man must take care of his 3 kids; keep his assigned house clean,

correct all homework,

complete science projects,

cook three nutritious meals a day plus prepare appropriate nutrious snacks,

do laundry,

and pay a list of 'pretend' bills with not enough money.

In addition,

each man will have to budget in money for groceries each week.

Each man must remember the birthdays of all their friends and relatives, and send cards out on time--no emailing.

Each man must also take each child to a doctor's appointment,

a dentist appointment

and a haircut appointment.

He must make one unscheduled and inconvenient visit per child to the Urgent Care.

He must also make cookies or cupcakes for a social function.

Each man will be responsible for decorating his own assigned house,

planting flowers outside, and keeping it presentable at all times.

The men will only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done.

The men must shave their legs,

wear makeup daily,

adorn themselves with jewelry,

wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes,

keep fingernails polished,

and eyebrows groomed

During one of the six weeks, the men will have to endure severe abdominal cramps, back aches, head aches, have extreme, unexplained mood swings, but never once complain or slow down from other duties.

They must attend weekly school meetings

and get the kids to church,

and find time at least once to spend the afternoon at the park or a similar setting.

They will need to read a book to the kids each night and in the morning,
feed them,
dress them,
brush their teeth and
comb their hair
by 7:00 am.

A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each father will be required to know all of the following information:
each child's birthday,
height,
weight,
shoe size,
clothes size,
doctor's name,
the child's weight at birth,
length, time of birth,
and length of labor,
each child's favorite color,
middle name,
favorite snack,
favorite song,
favorite drink,
favorite toy,
biggest fear,
names of their best friends,
and what they want to be when they grow up.

The kids vote them off the island based on performance.

The last man wins only if he still has enough energy to be intimate with his spouse at a moment's notice.

If the last man does win,
he can play the game over and over and over again for the next 18-25 years, eventually earning the right to be called Mother!
 
Want to make your wife angry? Just tell her that Wal-Mart called and said that she's been banned from shopping there anymore.
 
I just wanted to make this thread 100.. silly really.. but when you get to know me, it all makes sense...

:) Makes sense to me.

However, if any of you guys really want to understand women and/or understand why the woman in your life may be a bit cranky, can I encourage you to volunteer for the next "Survivor" series?

It will go something like this (origin unknown or I would properly credit it):

THE NEXT SURVIVOR SERIES

Twenty married men will be dropped on an island with one car and 3 kids each for six week..

Each kid will play two sports and take either music or dance classes.

There is no fast food.

Each man must take care of his 3 kids; keep his assigned house clean,

correct all homework,

complete science projects,

cook three nutritious meals a day plus prepare appropriate nutrious snacks,

do laundry,

and pay a list of 'pretend' bills with not enough money.

In addition,

each man will have to budget in money for groceries each week.

Each man must remember the birthdays of all their friends and relatives, and send cards out on time--no emailing.

Each man must also take each child to a doctor's appointment,

a dentist appointment

and a haircut appointment.

He must make one unscheduled and inconvenient visit per child to the Urgent Care.

He must also make cookies or cupcakes for a social function.

Each man will be responsible for decorating his own assigned house,

planting flowers outside, and keeping it presentable at all times.

The men will only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done.

The men must shave their legs,

wear makeup daily,

adorn themselves with jewelry,

wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes,

keep fingernails polished,

and eyebrows groomed

During one of the six weeks, the men will have to endure severe abdominal cramps, back aches, head aches, have extreme, unexplained mood swings, but never once complain or slow down from other duties.

They must attend weekly school meetings

and get the kids to church,

and find time at least once to spend the afternoon at the park or a similar setting.

They will need to read a book to the kids each night and in the morning,
feed them,
dress them,
brush their teeth and
comb their hair
by 7:00 am.

A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each father will be required to know all of the following information:
each child's birthday,
height,
weight,
shoe size,
clothes size,
doctor's name,
the child's weight at birth,
length, time of birth,
and length of labor,
each child's favorite color,
middle name,
favorite snack,
favorite song,
favorite drink,
favorite toy,
biggest fear,
names of their best friends,
and what they want to be when they grow up.

The kids vote them off the island based on performance.

The last man wins only if he still has enough energy to be intimate with his spouse at a moment's notice.

If the last man does win,
he can play the game over and over and over again for the next 18-25 years, eventually earning the right to be called Mother!

If I wanted to do all of this stuff I would have been born a girl...
 
Ok, you leave the seat up or down?

My wife has fluffy girl stuff on the lid so the seat just falls down....:eusa_eh:

Hate that stuff, gotta use one hand to keep the lid up all the time. I cut the strings once and told my wife i was cleaning the toilet and the strings broke. She knew better.

Take if off, tell her that the seat won't stay up while your peeing and that if she leaves it there you are not responsible if it falls down while your peeing and get piss on the seat... simple... um, I just looked at the title of the thread... maybe I should revise my strategy?

Immie
 
Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death.

The question?...What do women really want? Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.

He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the priests, the wise men and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.

Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would have the answer.

But the price would be high; as the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.

The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to her price first.

The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend!

Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc. He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life.

He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden; but Lancelot, learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur.

He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round Table.

Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered Arthur's question thus:

What a woman really wants, she answered...is to be in charge of her own life.

Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared.

And so it was, the neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom and Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding.

The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed. The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened

The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared as a witch, she would henceforth, be her horrible deformed self only half the time and the beautiful maiden the other half.

Which would he prefer? Beautiful during the day....or night?

Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old witch? Or, would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day, but by night, a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous intimate moments?

What would YOU do?

What Lancelot chose is below. BUT....make YOUR choice before you scroll down below. OKAY?


Noble Lancelot said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself.

Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.

Now....what is the moral to this story?
Scroll down














The moral is.....
If you don't let a woman have her own way....
Things are going to get ugly!!!
 
[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q3iorVlGPR4&feature=related]YouTube - Dusty Springfield - I am woman[/ame]
 
He was an arrogant, selfish, unappealing bastard, but was quite taken with the flaxen haired beauty with a body to die for. She listened to his proposal.

My father is quite elderly and in very poor health and he is extremely wealthy. He won't last much longer, and his will specifies that his estate passes first to his wife and then to his only son IF the son is married. Otherwise his estate all goes to charity. And my mother is long gone. So marry me and you will soon be married to a very wealthy man. She agrees to meet his father.

Two weeks later she is married to the father.

Women are so much smarter than men.
 

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