Alerts to threats in 2012 Europe.

[tigerbob]

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the last final escalation level.

-- John Cleese - British writer, actor and tall person

A final thought -“ Greece is collapsing, the Iranians are getting aggressive, and Rome is in disarray. Welcome back to 430 BC."

John Cleese: Alerts to threats in 2012 Europe - Democratic Underground

 

[Jos]

Fake cigarette triggers major M6 anti-terror incident

Armed police, the Army and emergency services launched an enormous response and closed part of the M6 Toll road after a passenger on board raised the alarm after seeing a "vapour" coming from a bag.

A large stretch of the route near Lichfield in Staffordshire was closed for several hours as the police, army bomb squad and fire service swamped the scene.

Sniffer dogs were deployed, tents were erected and the 48 passengers on board the Megabus coach were searched one by one before being made to sit on the carriageway in a cordoned off area.

But some five hours late the police concluded the incident was not a terror attack but a "health improvement aid for smokers" that was emitting a "vapour" from a passenger's bag.

Fake cigarette triggers major M6 anti-terror incident - Telegraph