After years of my parents taking care of me....

[tycho1572]

.... I’m now taking care of my dad.

I’m just now starting to experience the time involved with taking care of a parent. Has anyone here been in this position?

I’m lucky to work at a place that offers support and resources. There’s a lot I need to learn in short period of time.
For instance... I recently learned that a stairlift will cost ~$12,000. I’m hoping to have it installed before he gets home next week.

I’m gonna be busier than usual for an undetermined amount of time.

 

[tycho1572]

I’m also fortunate to have friends that can help.
One is a neighbor who is the wife of a doctor and nursing administrator at a VA hospital. Another neighbor who has been helping is my old folklore and mythology teacher from HS.

 

[Tijn Von Ingersleben]

God Bless You.

 

[DrLove]

Long story short - Around 15 years ago I flew down to SoCal to take care of my Dad at age 80 after he had quadruple bypass surgery. He had this little bell by his bed that he rang about every 5 minutes when he needed something. By the time flew home three weeks later I was literally fried with stress.

A few years later my siblings and I had to put him in assisted living. Early onset Alzheimers had him playing foreign lotteries and ordering butt-tons of crap because scammers had him believing that the more crap he bought, the better his chance of winning.

It all came to a screeching halt when the bank called my sis because when for the second day in a row he was pulling out ten grand to take to Western Union and wire to Sri Lanka in order to pay the taxes on a foreign lottery he just "won" before they could send him millions. That was when we had to take over his finances.

The one piece of advice I might offer is not to take too much of it on yourself. Consider hiring someone to come in a few days a week to cook, clean, and help out your Dad. Medicare may pay for a percentage of that.

Good luck, and good for you! I just wasn't enough of a saint to permanently offer a home for my Dad. Plus, at the time we just didn't have the space and were sharing a single bathroom among four of us already.

 

[JustAnotherNut]

I have......both my mother & husband.

Just be sure, no matter how much time & effort you are determined to care for them & their needs...….make sure to make time for yourself & have someone available as back up, so you can get away for atleast a few hours downtime.
And no matter how good of a relationship you've had with them, taking care of them is very draining on you. Not just physically, but mentally & emotionally as well. It's a very hard job. I wish you the best

 

[tycho1572]

Long story short - Around 15 years ago I flew down to SoCal to take care of my Dad at age 80 after he had quadruple bypass surgery. He had this little bell by his bed that he rang about every 5 minutes when he needed something. By the time flew home three weeks later I was literally fried with stress.

A few years later my siblings and I had to put him in assisted living. Early onset Alzheimers had him playing foreign lotteries and ordering butt-tons of crap because scammers had him believing that the more crap he bought, the better his chance of winning.

It all came to a screeching halt when the bank called my sis because when for the second day in a row he was pulling out ten grand to take to Western Union and wire to Sri Lanka in order to pay the taxes on a foreign lottery he just "won" before they could send him millions. That was when we had to take over his finances.

The one piece of advice I might offer is not to take too much of it on yourself. Consider hiring someone to come in a few days a week to cook, clean, and help out your Dad. Medicare may pay for a percentage of that.

Good luck, and good for you! I just wasn't enough of a saint to permanently offer a home for my Dad. Plus, at the time we just didn't have the space and were sharing a single bathroom among four of us already.

Getting help is something I’m working on right now.
The VA nurse administrator is getting forms together that will provide him help with stuff I’ve been doing. Grocery shopping, laundry, cooking, etc...
I hired a cleaning crew about a year ago.

 

[bluzman61]

.... I’m now taking care of my dad.

I’m just now starting to experience the time involved with taking care of a parent. Has anyone here been in this position?

I’m lucky to work at a place that offers support and resources. There’s a lot I need to learn in short period of time.
For instance... I recently learned that a stairlift will cost ~$12,000. I’m hoping to have it installed before he gets home next week.

I’m gonna be busier than usual for an undetermined amount of time.

I didn't have to take care of either of my parents, but I did have to take care of my sister for about a year while she battled a pain killer addiction. She luckily recovered and is doing well now.

 

[tycho1572]

I have......both my mother & husband.

Just be sure, no matter how much time & effort you are determined to care for them & their needs...….make sure to make time for yourself & have someone available as back up, so you can get away for atleast a few hours downtime.
And no matter how good of a relationship you've had with them, taking care of them is very draining on you. Not just physically, but mentally & emotionally as well. It's a very hard job. I wish you the best

My boss said the same thing. He said I could take time off whenever I needed it.

 

[DrLove]

Long story short - Around 15 years ago I flew down to SoCal to take care of my Dad at age 80 after he had quadruple bypass surgery. He had this little bell by his bed that he rang about every 5 minutes when he needed something. By the time flew home three weeks later I was literally fried with stress.

A few years later my siblings and I had to put him in assisted living. Early onset Alzheimers had him playing foreign lotteries and ordering butt-tons of crap because scammers had him believing that the more crap he bought, the better his chance of winning.

It all came to a screeching halt when the bank called my sis because when for the second day in a row he was pulling out ten grand to take to Western Union and wire to Sri Lanka in order to pay the taxes on a foreign lottery he just "won" before they could send him millions. That was when we had to take over his finances.

The one piece of advice I might offer is not to take too much of it on yourself. Consider hiring someone to come in a few days a week to cook, clean, and help out your Dad. Medicare may pay for a percentage of that.

Good luck, and good for you! I just wasn't enough of a saint to permanently offer a home for my Dad. Plus, at the time we just didn't have the space and were sharing a single bathroom among four of us already.

Getting help is something I’m working on right now.
The VA nurse administrator is getting forms together that will provide him help with stuff I’ve been doing. Grocery shopping, laundry, cooking, etc...
I hired a cleaning crew about a year ago.

You're a few steps ahead of where I was 15-20 years ago. Kudos!

 

[DrLove]

I have......both my mother & husband.

Just be sure, no matter how much time & effort you are determined to care for them & their needs...….make sure to make time for yourself & have someone available as back up, so you can get away for atleast a few hours downtime.
And no matter how good of a relationship you've had with them, taking care of them is very draining on you. Not just physically, but mentally & emotionally as well. It's a very hard job. I wish you the best

My boss said the same thing. He said I could take time off whenever I needed it.

THAT right there is a very cool boss!

 

[tycho1572]

I

I have......both my mother & husband.

Just be sure, no matter how much time & effort you are determined to care for them & their needs...….make sure to make time for yourself & have someone available as back up, so you can get away for atleast a few hours downtime.
And no matter how good of a relationship you've had with them, taking care of them is very draining on you. Not just physically, but mentally & emotionally as well. It's a very hard job. I wish you the best

My boss said the same thing. He said I could take time off whenever I needed it.

THAT right there is a very cool boss!

He also knows I love being at work.

 

[JustAnotherNut]

I have......both my mother & husband.

Just be sure, no matter how much time & effort you are determined to care for them & their needs...….make sure to make time for yourself & have someone available as back up, so you can get away for atleast a few hours downtime.
And no matter how good of a relationship you've had with them, taking care of them is very draining on you. Not just physically, but mentally & emotionally as well. It's a very hard job. I wish you the best

My boss said the same thing. He said I could take time off whenever I needed it.

The physical stuff is no biggy…….cooking, cleaning, shopping, bathing, dressing, etc

It's the mental & emotional toll that can do you in.


Also, while it's still early in the game...…...you need to set a limit of what you will do to care for him, or at what point you're willing to provide care and when you're in over your head & need out and then stick with it.

Are you prepared to do all of his toileting & bathing, feeding him, staying up all night to watch in case he wanders off, cleaning up whatever kind of messes he makes, etc More than likely he's no where near that far gone now, but do understand that time will come.

If you think you will care for his every need until the very end......well, I wish you luck, but unless you are a professional and/or a heart of stone, you might reconsider that. Just sayin.

 

[DrLove]

I have......both my mother & husband.

Just be sure, no matter how much time & effort you are determined to care for them & their needs...….make sure to make time for yourself & have someone available as back up, so you can get away for atleast a few hours downtime.
And no matter how good of a relationship you've had with them, taking care of them is very draining on you. Not just physically, but mentally & emotionally as well. It's a very hard job. I wish you the best

My boss said the same thing. He said I could take time off whenever I needed it.

The physical stuff is no biggy…….cooking, cleaning, shopping, bathing, dressing, etc

It's the mental & emotional toll that can do you in.

Also, while it's still early in the game...…...you need to set a limit of what you will do to care for him, or at what point you're willing to provide care and when you're in over your head & need out and then stick with it.

Are you prepared to do all of his toileting & bathing, feeding him, staying up all night to watch in case he wanders off, cleaning up whatever kind of messes he makes, etc More than likely he's no where near that far gone now, but do understand that time will come.

If you think you will care for his every need until the very end......well, I wish you luck, but unless you are a professional and/or a heart of stone, you might reconsider that. Just sayin.

Mostly agree, but every situation is different. If Dad is in reasonably sound mental shape, it may go fairly smoothly.

If not (as mine wasn't his last 6 years) - It can be hell on wheels

 

[tycho1572]

I have......both my mother & husband.

Just be sure, no matter how much time & effort you are determined to care for them & their needs...….make sure to make time for yourself & have someone available as back up, so you can get away for atleast a few hours downtime.
And no matter how good of a relationship you've had with them, taking care of them is very draining on you. Not just physically, but mentally & emotionally as well. It's a very hard job. I wish you the best

My boss said the same thing. He said I could take time off whenever I needed it.

The physical stuff is no biggy…….cooking, cleaning, shopping, bathing, dressing, etc

It's the mental & emotional toll that can do you in.


Also, while it's still early in the game...…...you need to set a limit of what you will do to care for him, or at what point you're willing to provide care and when you're in over your head & need out and then stick with it.

Are you prepared to do all of his toileting & bathing, feeding him, staying up all night to watch in case he wanders off, cleaning up whatever kind of messes he makes, etc More than likely he's no where near that far gone now, but do understand that time will come.

If you think you will care for his every need until the very end......well, I wish you luck, but unless you are a professional and/or a heart of stone, you might reconsider that. Just sayin.

My parents took care of me for many years. They changed my diapers and taught me invaluable and important lessons about life and stuff like caring about others.
Are you suggesting I now limit my time for helping him?

 

[JustAnotherNut]

I have......both my mother & husband.

Just be sure, no matter how much time & effort you are determined to care for them & their needs...….make sure to make time for yourself & have someone available as back up, so you can get away for atleast a few hours downtime.
And no matter how good of a relationship you've had with them, taking care of them is very draining on you. Not just physically, but mentally & emotionally as well. It's a very hard job. I wish you the best

My boss said the same thing. He said I could take time off whenever I needed it.

The physical stuff is no biggy…….cooking, cleaning, shopping, bathing, dressing, etc

It's the mental & emotional toll that can do you in.


Also, while it's still early in the game...…...you need to set a limit of what you will do to care for him, or at what point you're willing to provide care and when you're in over your head & need out and then stick with it.

Are you prepared to do all of his toileting & bathing, feeding him, staying up all night to watch in case he wanders off, cleaning up whatever kind of messes he makes, etc More than likely he's no where near that far gone now, but do understand that time will come.

If you think you will care for his every need until the very end......well, I wish you luck, but unless you are a professional and/or a heart of stone, you might reconsider that. Just sayin.

My parents took care of me for many years. They changed my diapers and taught me invaluable and important lessons about life and stuff like caring about others.
Are you suggesting I now limit my time for helping him?

I fully understand, all of our parents took care of us growing up and it's now come full circle for us to care for them...…..Really there isn't anything I can say one way or another and you will have to learn this one on your own. As I said, I wish you the best of luck. Just keep an open mind to the possibility it may become more than you're prepared for and IF it should come to that, that you can make the decision to do what's in his best interest.

Then again...…..you may not have to deal with those types of issues. As Dr said, everyone is different.

 

[EvilCat Breath]

I had to take care of my dad. It was a complete nightmare. He refused to take his medicine. Would not permit a doctor to touch him. Wouldn't bathe change his clothes or use a toilet. No home nurse would come. He was taken in on a 5150 many times and released. I was in the process of having him put in a lock down when he walked out the door and I never saw him again.

 

[tycho1572]

I have......both my mother & husband.

Just be sure, no matter how much time & effort you are determined to care for them & their needs...….make sure to make time for yourself & have someone available as back up, so you can get away for atleast a few hours downtime.
And no matter how good of a relationship you've had with them, taking care of them is very draining on you. Not just physically, but mentally & emotionally as well. It's a very hard job. I wish you the best

My boss said the same thing. He said I could take time off whenever I needed it.

The physical stuff is no biggy…….cooking, cleaning, shopping, bathing, dressing, etc

It's the mental & emotional toll that can do you in.


Also, while it's still early in the game...…...you need to set a limit of what you will do to care for him, or at what point you're willing to provide care and when you're in over your head & need out and then stick with it.

Are you prepared to do all of his toileting & bathing, feeding him, staying up all night to watch in case he wanders off, cleaning up whatever kind of messes he makes, etc More than likely he's no where near that far gone now, but do understand that time will come.

If you think you will care for his every need until the very end......well, I wish you luck, but unless you are a professional and/or a heart of stone, you might reconsider that. Just sayin.

My parents took care of me for many years. They changed my diapers and taught me invaluable and important lessons about life and stuff like caring about others.
Are you suggesting I now limit my time for helping him?

I fully understand, all of our parents took care of us growing up and it's now come full circle for us to care for them...…..Really there isn't anything I can say one way or another and you will have to learn this one on your own. As I said, I wish you the best of luck. Just keep an open mind to the possibility it may become more than you're prepared for and IF it should come to that, that you can make the decision to do what's in his best interest.

Then again...…..you may not have to deal with those types of issues. As Dr said, everyone is different.

I apologize if I came off as being a bit terse. I really do appreciate the sound advice you shared.

 

[tycho1572]

I had to take care of my dad. It was a complete nightmare. He refused to take his medicine. Would not permit a doctor to touch him. Wouldn't bathe change his clothes or use a toilet. No home nurse would come. He was taken in on a 5150 many times and released. I was in the process of having him put in a lock down when he walked out the door and I never saw him again.

Wait... what??

 

[JustAnotherNut]

I had to take care of my dad. It was a complete nightmare. He refused to take his medicine. Would not permit a doctor to touch him. Wouldn't bathe change his clothes or use a toilet. No home nurse would come. He was taken in on a 5150 many times and released. I was in the process of having him put in a lock down when he walked out the door and I never saw him again.

Wait... what??

Yeah.....that ^^^

Regardless of whether it's the disease, or just them aging or how they cope with what's happening to them...…….things can get rather bizzare.

As I said...……..draw your limit line now and hope to God you never have to come to it.

 

[tycho1572]

I had to take care of my dad. It was a complete nightmare. He refused to take his medicine. Would not permit a doctor to touch him. Wouldn't bathe change his clothes or use a toilet. No home nurse would come. He was taken in on a 5150 many times and released. I was in the process of having him put in a lock down when he walked out the door and I never saw him again.

Wait... what??

Yeah.....that ^^^

Regardless of whether it's the disease, or just them aging or how they cope with what's happening to them...…….things can get rather bizzare.

As I said...……..draw your limit line now and hope to God you never have to come to it.

I'm hoping things won't get too bad.
The last thing my brother and I want is to put him in nursing home. He's still very mentally sound and alert.

He told me about the nurses taking pictures of his butt to post on the internet. lol