advice on aging parent

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by strollingbones, Apr 30, 2009.

  1. strollingbones
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    strollingbones Diamond Member

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    my parent lives alone has for nearly 28 years...we have begged her to move she refuses to leave the place she has lived for over 40 years...i got an email today from a childhood friend saying parent is worse and should not be living alone...i am making appt with assit and indep liviing places....my parent is not going to agree to any of this..but i have to do something...any advice or experience would help...i feel so helpless..there are no siblings...just me and my son
     
  2. Xenophon
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    Xenophon Gone and forgotten

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    Any chance of getting a home care worker, something like that, to watch over her?

    The woman down the street from me has that.
     
  3. del
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    del BANNED

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    that's really hard. both my parents died a long time ago, so i've only really dealt with it from my wife's perspective and her parents are in pretty good shape for their ages (83 and 90).

    talk with the VNA and see if there are any resources available to come to your mom's house, nurses, home health aides, etc. maybe something like that would make it possible for her to stay in her home awhile longer.
    i'll keep you in my thoughts, bones.
     
  4. AllieBaba
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    AllieBaba BANNED

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    Make a referral to Seniors and People With Disabilities, have them evaluate her and see if she qualifies for an in-home care provider. If she was a member of the service, or is the widow of a vet, call your local VA service officer, and see if she is eligible for an in-home-care stipend.

    I know that for SPD they will only qualify if she is having difficulty with ADLs..bathing, eating, etc. THe VA is a little more flexible.
     
  5. Care4all
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    Care4all Warrior Princess Supporting Member

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    Strolling...here is my, real life story....don't know if it can help or there are any lessons to be had, but here goes...anyway!

    my grandfather in to his 90's passed away when my grandmother was 84 or so....she and he were still living in their home, about a mile and a half from my mother's home....my mom did all for them, like taking them to the bank, dentist, doctor, grocery shopping etc and called them every day, if she did not see them every day, if not for just a bit....

    They insisted on living alone, on their own....

    Then, when my grandfather died, my mother brought my grandmother in to her and dad's home, to grieve....

    My grandmother insisted on NOT moving in with them, and insisted on her keeping the home she and grandpa had....And I do not mean in a nice way either....she was downright cruel to my mother, who had done nothing but taken care of both of her parents near 24/7 for a better part of 20 years before they passed along...and all of their lives since they got here in the 60's... to a degree... because she always had to be their translator, they only spoke italian when they got here in their nearing senior years.

    (My mother is multi lingual and she is their only living child)

    Soooooo, my grandmother lived with my mom and dad, and my mom drove her to her house at least once a week for a few hours stay at a time so my grandma could keep her memories alive...paying taxes, and utilities etc on a place she didn't even live in....like i said, she was an sob about it, so my mom backed off and said fine, let her keep her home and not sell it, as long as she would stay with my parents.

    Then a couple years of this charade continued, until my parents wanted to move from the town where they and my grandparents lived....OH BOY OH BOY! talk about an 87 yr old having a tizzy fit about leaving this town and the home of hers and said she would NOT move there with my parents and she would just stay there in her house by herself....

    my parents called her bluff, moved anyway, had a home built with a wing for my grandmother, and my grandmother went with them but still insisted she keep her home....which she did, and my mother and father drove my grandmother down to this home of hers that she refused to sell once every month or two, until my grandmother finally passed on.... it was holy hell for my parents, though my mother really got depressed when her mom finally died.

    My parents knew the right thing to do was move my grandmother in with them. Mom and dad made certain this happened, regardless of what my grandmother wanted or what kind of tizzy fit she caused.

    don't be worrying about what your mother wants, if what she wants is not the best thing for her.

    If she insists on not giving up her home, let her keep it, so she could go and visit it, but do look in to assisted living or other means of help, if you know this is what is good for her own well being...there comes a time when the child has to take control of matters....this could be it.

    Care
     
  6. strollingbones
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    strollingbones Diamond Member

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    my dad served 30 years...e9....so she could use va services....i will have to look into that..thanks guys...for the suggestions....i had to work today....the email arrived 15 minutes before i went to work...my first four customers...got there to me bawling my eyes out...i was amazed they all cut off their cars and talked to me..about places to consider and this wasnt the end of the world....hell one went and got me some valium..its just gonna be hard....she lives 4 hours away...she doesnt want to leave...she cant drive real well cause she doesnt see real well.....so she wants to stay someone familiar
     

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