Adultery

Adultery is harmful to self and other. Buddhists consider it sexual misconduct.

If I HAD to choose between cheating on my loved one, or him cheating on me, I would take the latter. I could not forgive myself. I wouldn't. It would haunt me and I am not into rationalizing my choices or living with regrets. :)

I've been married for over 25 years and I've been faithful the whole time. I've been tempted a few times.

Just think, there was a time when that was nothing to be proud of. Times have really changed and I am happy for you that you haven't disappointed yourself. I was reading a love letter from a husband from a few years ago and it surprised me when he said, he had never thought of being with another woman other than me, and how it hurt him when I had told him I had thought of being with another man once, but that's as far as it went.

So much for honesty....:lol: The positive side of that is I learned one doesn't always have to confess everything, if it serves no positive purpose. [We had been in marriage counseling]
 
If I HAD to choose between cheating on my loved one, or him cheating on me, I would take the latter. I could not forgive myself. I wouldn't. It would haunt me and I am not into rationalizing my choices or living with regrets. :)

I've been married for over 25 years and I've been faithful the whole time. I've been tempted a few times.

Just think, there was a time when that was nothing to be proud of. Times have really changed and I am happy for you that you haven't disappointed yourself. I was reading a love letter from a husband from a few years ago and it surprised me when he said, he had never thought of being with another woman other than me, and how it hurt him when I had told him I had thought of being with another man once, but that's as far as it went.

So much for honesty....:lol: The positive side of that is I learned one doesn't always have to confess everything, if it serves no positive purpose. [We had been in marriage counseling]

I didn't say I was proud that I was tempted. I'm human.
 
I've been married for over 25 years and I've been faithful the whole time. I've been tempted a few times.

Just think, there was a time when that was nothing to be proud of. Times have really changed and I am happy for you that you haven't disappointed yourself. I was reading a love letter from a husband from a few years ago and it surprised me when he said, he had never thought of being with another woman other than me, and how it hurt him when I had told him I had thought of being with another man once, but that's as far as it went.

So much for honesty....:lol: The positive side of that is I learned one doesn't always have to confess everything, if it serves no positive purpose. [We had been in marriage counseling]

I didn't say I was proud that I was tempted. I'm human.

And I meant to imply that being faithful for 25 years in a marriage was something taken for granted, in the past, by women especially.[not proud of] My familial role models were exemplary, as far as I know..lol.
 
Adultery is one of those things that is common and all too human, and God's not going to strike you dead for engaging in it, but it always has negative repercussions, both immediate, and often down the road. It's damaging both to the betrayed person and also to the one who does the betraying. It's really a heart-breaking situation, but it is survivable given enough time and insight.

I had a private conversation with a Catholic priest and told him the down and dirty of the situation. You know what he said? "I won't reject you". Think about that. I'll never forget it.

Yes damaging to all parties involved. And yes time heals.

My vindication (of sorts) was when, years later, I read a newspaper story about domestic violence. It was titled "The Seven Signs of Emotional Abuse". I remember thinking my God that was my entire 13 year marriage.
 
Mr. H, if any of us said we were perfect we'd be lying. How freaking stupid do you think I feel, to have endured my ex-husband's cheating and abuse and then fall for a line from a married man and be The Other Woman? It ain't about what you have done, I don't think. It's about what you are doing now.

Whatever anger you think your kids etc. may have for you, you can only do so much to heal. At some point, adult kids have to forgive their parents.

Personally I think it's brave of you to even be willing to discuss adultery as much as you have. I bet there's not one person who has read this thread who doesn't identify with you in some way.
 
Yeah, and if you choose not to decide you still have made a choice.

My point was that it's often a long slow process that can culminate in a sexual relationship. It could start with a casual conversation innocent enough, and morph in to a full blown affair.

And the tug of war of emotions is a head trip in itself. Or maybe there's the push of a failed marriage or an abusive relationship that leaves a person no other avenue.

If you're having sex with someone, you've decided.

I don't care how "long and slow" the process is. At some point, you decide to get naked and groiny. It's never accidental. You chose it.

"No other avenue"? Really? You really think there's ever a situation in which the only choice available is to remain married to one person while having sex with another person? Seriously?

Nope. I'm referring to divorce.

I guess I'm trying to deftly avoid telling "my story" LOL. It's.... complicated.

Oh, divorce, sure. I'm all over the idea that sometimes, it's just hopeless and you have to call it quits. In fact, this being a thread about adultery, my whole point is that if you're going to run out and betray your marriage vows, you're better off just calling it quits.
 
OK Maybe you can answer this. I have had extramarital trysts about every five or six years since the late eighties. My husband had one and I want him out. That lying, cheating, whoring .... You get the picture.

The one thing I will say is that he told me long ago if I were comfortable with what I chose to do, then it was all good. I did not specifically discuss the fact I have followed through. I did say that I was not comfortable with him out screwing around. This discussion DID happen before my first infidelity.

Why am I so angry at him when I actually have cheated more times than he has?
 
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rikules, I'm happy that you and Mrs rikules are so contented. But not everyone is. My marriage lasted 13 years and I despised him every day of it...I can't have been much of a wife, and I surely thought he was a bad husband.

When he was "under pressure" he cheated, and then walked. When my turn came, I just walked. One of the things I am proudest of is that I kept my word even when there was no reason to do so other than my own honor.

Before I pat myself on the back, I have to admit I was The Other Woman. Except I didn't realize it, because the guy I loved was such a fine man surely would never, ever step out on his wife to be with me unless he was ready to divorce her. Right? I was the unique one, right? Wrong....but I imagine this what every chick who gets involved with a married man thinks.

So I have had the "Man, I think he's lying to me" head trip twice in my life...not fun. I fucked up another woman's home....not something to be proud of.

I gotta say, I just do not see any excuse for adultery.

I'm very sorry you had this experience.

i truly do hope the REST of your life is full of joy

life is too darn short to have to waddle through bad crap like that
 
Just because it's not premeditated doesn't mean it isn't chosen. There's no such thing as "accidental sex".

Yeah, and if you choose not to decide you still have made a choice.

My point was that it's often a long slow process that can culminate in a sexual relationship. It could start with a casual conversation innocent enough, and morph in to a full blown affair.

And the tug of war of emotions is a head trip in itself. Or maybe there's the push of a failed marriage or an abusive relationship that leaves a person no other avenue.

If you're having sex with someone, you've decided.

I don't care how "long and slow" the process is. At some point, you decide to get naked and groiny. It's never accidental. You chose it.

"No other avenue"? Really? You really think there's ever a situation in which the only choice available is to remain married to one person while having sex with another person? Seriously?

I only had one sexual relationship in my life and I was cheated. It seems to me those that cheat haven't developed their control beyond the adolescent stage.
 
Done it? Had it done to you? Considering it?

What is your stance on adultery?

Here's mine (gained after a lifetime of sorrows of all sorts): There is no excuse. If you are unhappy, fix it or move on. Lying and cheating are so destructive to everyone involved they can never be justified.

I agree with you.
 

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