I thought these were pretty good. Eightballsidepocket :usa: http://www.rinkworks.com/said/bulletins.shtml Church Bulletin Quotations ............................... "Say 'hell' to someone who doesn't like you." "Mr. Smith is also a close relative of his brother Wilbur in the church." "Thursday night - Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow." "Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community." "O come all ye faithful, sin in exultation." "After today's service, coffee and donuts will be served in the basement. Please come down and say hell to the pastor." "Don't let worry kill you -- let the church help." "For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs." "The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer." "Children will be led in sinning and Bible study." "This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends." "This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar." "There will be a baked bean supper next Sunday at 6:00 p.m. Music to follow." "At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice." "Life groups meet on Wednesday evening at 7:00 PM for food, fun, and fellowwhipping." "Marriage: An Institution To Be Endured." -- The subject of a sermon that should have read, "An Institution To Endure." ........................... Church Anecdote: A preacher was completing a temperance sermon: with great expression he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." With even greater emphasis, he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." And then, finally, he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." He sat down. The song leader then stood very cautiously and announced with a pleasant smile, "For our closing song, let us sing Hymn #365: 'Shall We Gather At the River.'"