A Wall Street Detox

Discussion in 'USMB Lounge' started by Abishai100, Sep 14, 2017.

  1. Abishai100
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    Abishai100 VIP Member

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    This is a commerce-omen tale inspired by the film Trading Places.


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    A psychotic Santa was roaming around the shopping malls of NYC and hawking the passerby on Wall Street. 'Santa' was full of fury and carried a sabre, an axe, a machine-gun, and a Satanic pendant. Why? Santa was convinced that American capitalism had become a den of pure mischief and malicious profiteerism, which is why perhaps the Taliban attacked the World Trade Center in 2001. Santa wondered if there would be any beacon of hope/light amidst all this urban flurry of moral degradation and high-speed piracy.

    Well, Santa was about to get his wish (maybe). A savvy and cutthroat sports agent named Jerry Matthews was busy negotiating lucrative Wall Street insider-trading deals for his top-rated high-profile athletes (as a luring candy to win more clients for his dubious 'roster'). However, an idealistic stockbroker named Ajay Satan (no relation to the Devil) caught wind of these plans of Matthews and decided to go on a personal crusade to ensure no corrupt dealings went on involving Matthews' celebrity-athletes. Ajay wanted to rescue the conscience of Wall Street.

    Ajay decided to storm into the trading-floor one Monday morning (after opening-bell) wearing a ski-mask and carrying a briefcase filled with water-pistols. He also had a megaphone. He pulled out two of his water-guns and used his megaphone to tell the trading-floor crowd, "My water-guns are filled with corrosive acid, and I fitted each gun with acid-insulating tubes, so the guns shoot very reliably. All I want is your promise not to conduct insider-trading with money-hoarding celebrities!" Ajay then promptly disappeared.

    Jerry Matthews read the news of Ajay's incredible 'stunt,' which many believed was a simple and harmless PR-stunt orchestrated by a Wall Street firm as a media-relations 'idealism-joke.' Matthews believed Ajay was actually a real crusader/vigilante and wondered if Ajay's deed served as some kind of ominous omen for some danger looming for un-penitent stockbrokers doing profit-minded corrupt dealings (e.g., with celebrities!). Matthews became very worried and decided to walk around NYC during lunch-break and clear his mind.

    Matthews came up to Santa (our evil Santa introduced before) on that cold December morning and asked him why he was carrying a big bag with what seemed like toy guns and wearing a Satanic pendant. 'Santa' explained he was in NYC to deliver his message of the wrath of the Devil unleashed upon America in a time of great capital greed, something TrumpUSA was turning a blind eye towards, and then Santa giggled (since he didn't suspect Matthews had any solution to the problem). Matthews looked Santa in the eye and told him seriously, "I'm about to bet on a life-changing hermitic resolution." Santa disavowed his own frowns.

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