A question...

[JBeukema]

For those of you who've loved someone- be it romantic or platonic- and had a falling out, I have a question. People talk of 'moving on' and 'letting go', so my question is this: do you still find that something will remind you of that person? Do you find that thought of them are always in the back of your mind, just below consciousness, waiting to be brought forth by something and drive you mad? If such was once the case, yet you no longer find yourself wondering where and how they are or feeling their absence, how long did they linger? How long did it take for their memory to stop feeling like something was missing from your chest? Do you find that you still care, that they still feel like a part of your very essence and you're simply not complete without them? If you did manage to 'let go' and 'move on' without something lingering or being saddened by their memory, how long did it take?

It seems like a lot of people I know convince themselves to hate those they once held dear as though it were some sort of defense mechanism against that very sort of sorrow. Do you find yourself doing the same?

 

[xsited1]

For those of you who've loved someone- be it romantic or platonic- and had a falling out, I have a question. People talk of 'moving on' and 'letting go', so my question is this: do you still find that something will remind you of that person? Do you find that thought of them are always in the back of your mind, just below consciousness, waiting to be brought forth by something and drive you mad? If such was once the case, yet you no longer find yourself wondering where and how they are or feeling their absence, how long did they linger? How long did it take for their memory to stop feeling like something was missing from your chest? Do you find that you still care, that they still feel like a part of your very essence and you're simply not complete without them? If you did manage to 'let go' and 'move on' without something lingering or being saddened by their memory, how long did it take?

It seems like a lot of people I know convince themselves to hate those they once held dear as though it were some sort of defense mechanism against that very sort of sorrow. Do you find yourself doing the same?

I was looking for a question and found several. I've "moved on" many times. Depending on the depth of the relationship, it can sometimes take several months or longer to get over them. Of course, memories can be reignited by just about anything, like a song or place. And if there are common friends or children, you will never be able to fully move on. I have never 'hated those once held dear'. I just never saw the need. It was a learning experience that helped me grow. I certainly would not be the husband and father I am today without all those learning experiences.

So who dumped you?

 

[JBeukema]

Actually, X, I've never been 'dumped' by a lover. I was technically the one who ended my last relationship.

 

[xsited1]

Actually, X, I've never been 'dumped' by a lover. I was technically the one who ended my last relationship.

 

[Grace]

Once someone comes into your life..good or bad..they are there forever. Maybe in fleeting moments or longer periods, but its hard to forget someone once they are initially "let in".

 

[trams]

Once someone comes into your life..good or bad..they are there forever. Maybe in fleeting moments or longer periods, but its hard to forget someone once they are initially "let in".

This I feel is right.

 

[Barb]

For those of you who've loved someone- be it romantic or platonic- and had a falling out, I have a question. People talk of 'moving on' and 'letting go', so my question is this: do you still find that something will remind you of that person? Do you find that thought of them are always in the back of your mind, just below consciousness, waiting to be brought forth by something and drive you mad? If such was once the case, yet you no longer find yourself wondering where and how they are or feeling their absence, how long did they linger? How long did it take for their memory to stop feeling like something was missing from your chest? Do you find that you still care, that they still feel like a part of your very essence and you're simply not complete without them? If you did manage to 'let go' and 'move on' without something lingering or being saddened by their memory, how long did it take?

It seems like a lot of people I know convince themselves to hate those they once held dear as though it were some sort of defense mechanism against that very sort of sorrow. Do you find yourself doing the same?

I couldn't hate him if I wanted to, and I don't. Some of the hardest times I've had were gotten through by remembering happier days. The worst thing is finding out that I hurt him in some way(s?) that made it necessary to hate me. That guilt will never let me rest. If I could fix that, I could let it go. I only ever wanted what was best for him. That wasn't me at the time. It isn't me now, either, I guess, but if I could make him understand a couple things, it would be that he was never unwanted, and that the only thing I was ever afraid of was seeing him go away. I tried at the time, but I wasn't very good at it. It wasn't ALL my fault either, because when he got mad, he was moving at quite a clip in the other direction.

Most days, my heart breaks all over again, and there isn't shit I can do or say about it.