A Priest, A Minister and a Rabbi

Discussion in 'Humor' started by jillian, Aug 20, 2009.

  1. jillian
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    jillian Princess Supporting Member

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    A priest, a minister, and a rabbi want to see who's best at his job. So they each go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it. Later they get together.

    The priest begins: "When I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his First Communion."

    "I found a bear by the stream," says the minister, "and preached G-D'S Holy Word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him."

    They both look down at the rabbi, who is lying on a gurney in a body cast. "Looking back," he says, "maybe I shouldn't have started with the circumcision."
     
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  2. Valerie
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    Valerie Gold Member

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    :lol:
     
  3. Valerie
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    Valerie Gold Member

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    So a rabbi, a priest, and a minister are attending an ecumenical conference in another town, and they stop at a bar at the end of the day. The priest pulls out a deck of cards and pretty soon they've got a little poker game going -- only to be busted by an overzealous policeman enforcing the town's strict anti-gambling laws. So they're hauled before a judge the next morning, and everybody's kind of embarrassed about it, including the judge.

    "Look," he says, "just tell me you weren't gambling, and I'll let you go."

    "Well," says the priest, "gambling qua gambling seems to me to imply some sort of intent to win money or with the idea that it would exchange hands at the end of the evening, whereas considering a hypothetical situation such as the one we were engaged in where the money is taking on more of the role of a token merely for tracking the interplay of the game and the relative ..." and so on.

    "Fine," says the judge, "You can go."

    The minister steps up. "It seems to me that given divine foreknowledge of all events, even if we mortals are not so gifted raises the question of whether gambling as a concept can really .." and so on also, and is similarly dismissed by the judge, just leaving the rabbi in the courtroom.

    "Well?" asks the judge. "Rabbi, were you gambling?"

    The rabbi looks around and shrugs his shoulders. "Gambling? With who?"
     
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  4. jillian
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    jillian Princess Supporting Member

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    :clap2:
     
  5. Valerie
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    Valerie Gold Member

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    A minister, a priest and a rabbi went for a hike one day. It was very hot. They were sweating and exhausted when they came upon a small lake. Since it was fairly secluded, they took off all their clothes and jumped in the water. Feeling refreshed, the trio decided to pick a few berries while enjoying their "freedom." As they were crossing an open area, who should come along but a group of ladies from town. Unable to get to their clothes in time,the minister and the priest covered their privates and the rabbi covered his face while they ran for cover. After the ladies left and the men got their clothes backon, the minister and the priest asked the rabbi why he covered his facerather than his privates. The rabbi replied, "I don't know about you, but in MY congregation, it's my face they would recognise."

    :redface:
     
  6. Dante
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    Dante On leave Supporting Member

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    A ship is sinking and there aren't enough life boats for everyone. Three men come into focus .. a Rabbi, a Minister, and a Priest.

    The Rabbi is over heard to say "Woman and children first" and the Minister says "Fuck the children" while after a few seconds pause, the Priest chimes in with "You mean we have time for that too?"
     
  7. VoteForTheDucks
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    VoteForTheDucks Rookie

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    Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to
    convert to Catholicism or leave Italy. There was a huge outcry from
    the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal: he'd have a
    religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community. If the Jews
    won, they could stay in Italy; if the Pope won, they'd have to convert
    or leave.

    The Jewish people met and picked an aged and wise rabbi to represent
    them in the debate. However, as the rabbi spoke no Italian, and the
    Pope spoke no Yiddish, they agreed that it would be a 'silent' debate.

    On the chosen day the Pope and rabbi sat opposite each other.
    The Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers.
    The rabbi looked back and raised one finger.
    Next, the Pope waved his finger around his head.
    The rabbi pointed to the ground where he sat.
    The Pope brought out a communion wafer and a chalice of wine.
    The rabbi pulled out an apple.
    With that, the Pope stood up and declared himself beaten and said that
    the rabbi was too clever. The Jews could stay in Italy .

    Later the Cardinals met with the Pope and asked him what had happened.
    The Pope said, "First I held up three fingers to represent the
    Trinity. He responded by holding up a single finger to remind me there
    is still only one God common to both our faiths.
    Then, I waved my finger around my head to show him that God was all
    around us. The rabbi responded by pointing to the ground to show that
    God was also right here with us.
    I pulled out the wine and host to show that through the perfect
    sacrifice Jesus has atoned for our sins, but the rabbi pulled out an
    apple to remind me of the original sin. He bested me at every move and
    I could not continue."

    Meanwhile, the Jewish community gathered to ask the rabbi how he'd won.
    "I haven't a clue," said the rabbi. "First, he told me that we had
    three days to get out of Italy, so I gave him the finger.
    Then he tells me that the whole country would be cleared of Jews
    but I told him emphatically that we were staying right here."
    "And then what?" asked a woman.
    "Who knows?" said the rabbi. "He took out his lunch, so I took out mine."
     

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