A Necessary Sadness

[Joz]

Alot of you know, that I am a bereaved parent. These last few days have been difficult. The grief goes in cycles so some days are more tolerable than others.
I know you've heard the statement that "it's a parents worse nightmare". I will tell you this, that statement doesn't even come close. The only way I've been able to describe it is the scene from "The Temple of Doom". When the witch doctor reaches in & pulls the heart out of the sacrafice & the guy is still living. And you wonder how?

Kathianne said she thinks people don't know what to say. A sincere "I'm sorry", goes a long way. I'm sharing this poem I have by Rith Moran. Might help you to understand. BTW, if any of you have questions or want to talk about it with me, it's okay.

Please, don't ask if I'm over it yet. I'll never be over it.
Please, don't tell me he's in a better place. He isn't here with me.
Please, don't say he isn't suffering. I haven't come to terms with why he had to suffer at all.
Please, don't tell me you know how I feel; unless you've lost a child.
Please, don't ask if I feel better. Bereavement isn't a condition that clears up.
Please, don't tell me you've had him for so many years. What year would you chose for your child to die?
Please, don't tell me God never gives us more than we can bear.
Please, just say you are sorry.
Please, just say you remember my child, if you do.
Please, just let me talk about my child.
Please, just let me cry.

 

[Annie]

I'm sharing this poem I have by Rith Moran. Might help you to understand. BTW, if any of you have questions or want to talk about it with me, it's okay.

Please, don't ask if I'm over it yet. I'll never be over it.
Please, don't tell me he's in a better place. He isn't here with me.
Please, don't say he isn't suffering. I haven't come to terms with why he had to suffer at all.
Please, don't tell me you know how I feel; unless you've lost a child.
Please, don't ask if I feel better. Bereavement isn't a condition that clears up.
Please, don't tell me you've had him for so many years. What year would you chose for your child to die?
Please, don't tell me God never gives us more than we can bear.
Please, just say you are sorry.
Please, just say you remember my child, if you do.
Please, just let me talk about my child.
Please, just let me cry.

Joz, I am so sorry. I hope you feel more happy soon, is this an 'anniversary'? If you want to talk, feel free to pm or email. Prayers for you and your son.

 

[Joz]

Joz, I am so sorry. I hope you feel more happy soon, is this an 'anniversary'? If you want to talk, feel free to pm or email. Prayers for you and your son.

Thank you. June 10 was the 'anniversary' & July 1 was his birthday. He died 3 weeks before he was 15. He'd have been 20 this year.

 

[Annie]

Thank you. June 10 was the 'anniversary' & July 1 was his birthday. He died 3 weeks before he was 15. He'd have been 20 this year.

I can't imagine, but my heart goes out, having kids just above and below that age. You missed so much!

 

[Joz]

You are so right! It's hard to look around & see kids/people who are truly mean, still drawing air. God & I aren't on the best of terms at the moment. As you know, I do have an older son. But that's him. He doesn't replace Zachary.

 

[Annie]

You are so right! It's hard to look around & see kids/people who are truly mean, still drawing air. God & I aren't on the best of terms at the moment. As you know, I do have an older son. But that's him. He doesn't replace Zachary.

No one, not even a grandchild can replace your own. God and I have had our problems for several reasons, my guess, He's 'bigger' than I and can take the nastiness I throw HIS way, your's too. There is no 'understanding' of this.

 

[remie]

Joz I am so sorry. I cant begin to understand the depth of your pain. I sincerely dont know what I would do if anything ever happened to any of my four children. Bless you and your son.

 

[Joz]

I've come to the conclusion that things were pretty much set when sin entered the world. I (we) just got caught in the crossfire of the way this world is. God stays His hand over the world, but He cannot intervene, this world must play out the role it chose. (This is the sensible me.)

With all that said, I'm still upset with Him. I worked for our church for many, many years. Which proves 'works are as filthy rags'. Both of my boys went to a prochial school. I sacraficed for that. I voluntarily taught Art for 11 years. Zachary had just graduated from eighth grade, 4 days before he died. His gradutation speech ended, " This is the beginning of the rest of our lives". I expected more from God.

Yes, I realize God gave His son, & I'm grateful for that. For without that we are all doomed. But I've given my son, too. And God got his back in three days. I must spend a lifetime without mine. (this is the angry & sarcastic me)

 

[Annie]

I've come to the conclusion that things were pretty much set when sin entered the world. I (we) just got caught in the crossfire of the way this world is. God stays His hand over the world, but He cannot intervene, this world must play out the role it chose. (This is the sensible me.)

With all that said, I'm still upset with Him. I worked for our church for many, many years. Which proves 'works are as filthy rags'. Both of my boys went to a prochial school. I sacraficed for that. I voluntarily taught Art for 11 years. Zachary had just graduated from eighth grade, 4 days before he died. His gradutation speech ended, " This is the beginning of the rest of our lives". I expected more from God.

Yes, I realize God gave His son, & I'm grateful for that. For without that we are all doomed. But I've given my son, too. And God got his back in three days. I must spend a lifetime without mine. (this is the angry & sarcastic me)

Hugs & kisses & prayers.

 

[dilloduck]

Thanks for sharing your grief! My 15 year old will receive extra special attention today when he gets home from school because of YOU.

 

[dmp]

I've come to the conclusion that things were pretty much set when sin entered the world. I (we) just got caught in the crossfire of the way this world is. God stays His hand over the world, but He cannot intervene, this world must play out the role it chose. (This is the sensible me.)

With all that said, I'm still upset with Him. I worked for our church for many, many years. Which proves 'works are as filthy rags'. Both of my boys went to a prochial school. I sacraficed for that. I voluntarily taught Art for 11 years. Zachary had just graduated from eighth grade, 4 days before he died. His gradutation speech ended, " This is the beginning of the rest of our lives". I expected more from God.

Yes, I realize God gave His son, & I'm grateful for that. For without that we are all doomed. But I've given my son, too. And God got his back in three days. I must spend a lifetime without mine. (this is the angry & sarcastic me)

what makes you think you are without him? If you believe in God you'll know that the eternity you and your son will have together with Christ will make this VERY short period of time here on earth seem like a long-ago dream.

 

[Annie]

what makes you think you are without him? If you believe in God you'll know that the eternity you and your son will have together with Christ will make this VERY short period of time here on earth seem like a long-ago dream.

I agree with you -=d=-, but you are teary eyed over the start of kindergarten, which I'm sure Joz was too, I know I was. 15 is too young, actually any age before I am gone is too young for my children.

 

[dmp]

I agree with you -=d=-, but you are teary eyed over the start of kindergarten, which I'm sure Joz was too, I know I was. 15 is too young, actually any age before I am gone is too young for my children.

Nobody is saying not to grieve...what I'm saying is to rejoice over the time she'll get to spend with her son in Eternity. Look forward to that time, as an expectant parent looks forward to the day of the birth of their child.

 

[Annie]

Nobody is saying not to grieve...what I'm saying is to rejoice over the time she'll get to spend with her son in Eternity. Look forward to that time, as an expectant parent looks forward to the day of the birth of their child.

I hear you. I even understand the message, in the cognitive sense. I will not put forth a scenario dealing with your adorable daughter. But if you can't understand being angry at G-D under Joz's circumstance, well, you have to work on your empathy factor. I think that G-d does understand.

 

[dmp]

I hear you. I even understand the message, in the cognitive sense. I will not put forth a scenario dealing with your adorable daughter. But if you can't understand being angry at GOD under Joz's circumstance, well, you have to work on your empathy factor. I think that God does understand.

Are you not reading what I'm typing? Adding words ? somewhere there is a disconnect...

Here's me telling Joz to try to look at things from a new perspective; Here's you telling me I'm not empathetic to her suffering?


wow. weird.

Anywho Joz - take my words and maybe you can use some of them, or all of them, or whatever and junk; but perhaps you can work on adjusting your perception of the events in your life; knowing full well that if you believe, you know that God works 'every' situation for Good, to those who love Him. Even if you don't 'feel' it...remind yourself of it. God doesn't require a whole lot of faith - just a little...

"Lord I believe, help my unbelief"

 

[Joz]

...what I'm saying is to rejoice over the time she'll get to spend with her son in Eternity.....

I DO look forward to seeing my son again!!! I'm without him NOW!! That's a lifetime away. And don't think think I've not tho't about closing the gap.

I'd call you a name, but I won't resort to that.

Not only is this emotional, there is actual physical grieving. An actual physical pain. You bury your child and then tell me how I should rejoice.

 

[dmp]

I DO look forward to seeing my son again!!! I'm without him NOW!! That's a lifetime away. And don't think think I've not tho't about closing the gap.

I'd call you a name, but I won't resort to that.

Not only is this emotional, there is actual physical grieving. An actual physical pain. You bury your child and then tell me how I should rejoice.

wow woman...Basically here's what I see:

You post up about a tragedy...why? Maybe you were looking for words of comfort...I offer heart-felt comfort based on how i took your posting to begin with, and you in-not-so-many-words tell me to get off the puter, go outside and play a game of hide-and-go-fuck myself.

Cool. Yippy.

:shrug:

Sorry for trying to help.

 

[Joz]

Sorry for trying to help.

But that isn't how it came across. You made it sound like, "What's the big deal"? You get eternity. Even Kathianne said you needed to work on your empathy.

Comfort, no, no one can give that to me. I posted it because there are alot of people who don't know how to deal with it when it happens to their friend. No parent should have to bury their child, but they do. Today, someone's life was changed forever.

 

[dmp]

screw what Kathy said...perhaps she reads what she 'wants to read' too.

Empathy flees fast in the face of ungracious recipients.

Add two more to 'ignore'. I hope we can add 'mods' to the ignore list...

 

[Annie]

screw what Kathy said...perhaps she reads what she 'wants to read' too.

Empathy flees fast in the face of ungracious recipients.

Add two more to 'ignore'. I hope we can add 'mods' to the ignore list...

Hey, I didn't dis you. You are flaming, and right now, stop it.