A Necessary Sadness

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Joz, Aug 17, 2004.

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  1. Joz
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    Joz Senior Member

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    Alot of you know, that I am a bereaved parent. These last few days have been difficult. The grief goes in cycles so some days are more tolerable than others.
    I know you've heard the statement that "it's a parents worse nightmare". I will tell you this, that statement doesn't even come close. The only way I've been able to describe it is the scene from "The Temple of Doom". When the witch doctor reaches in & pulls the heart out of the sacrafice & the guy is still living. And you wonder how?

    Kathianne said she thinks people don't know what to say. A sincere "I'm sorry", goes a long way. I'm sharing this poem I have by Rith Moran. Might help you to understand. BTW, if any of you have questions or want to talk about it with me, it's okay.

    Please, don't ask if I'm over it yet. I'll never be over it.
    Please, don't tell me he's in a better place. He isn't here with me.
    Please, don't say he isn't suffering. I haven't come to terms with why he had to suffer at all.
    Please, don't tell me you know how I feel; unless you've lost a child.
    Please, don't ask if I feel better. Bereavement isn't a condition that clears up.
    Please, don't tell me you've had him for so many years. What year would you chose for your child to die?
    Please, don't tell me God never gives us more than we can bear.
    Please, just say you are sorry.
    Please, just say you remember my child, if you do.
    Please, just let me talk about my child.
    Please, just let me cry.
     
  2. Annie
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    Annie Diamond Member

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    Joz, I am so sorry. I hope you feel more happy soon, is this an 'anniversary'? If you want to talk, feel free to pm or email. Prayers for you and your son.
     
  3. Joz
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    Joz Senior Member

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    Thank you. June 10 was the 'anniversary' & July 1 was his birthday. He died 3 weeks before he was 15. He'd have been 20 this year.
     
  4. Annie
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    Annie Diamond Member

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    I can't imagine, but my heart goes out, having kids just above and below that age. You missed so much!
     
  5. Joz
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    Joz Senior Member

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    You are so right! It's hard to look around & see kids/people who are truly mean, still drawing air. God & I aren't on the best of terms at the moment. As you know, I do have an older son. But that's him. He doesn't replace Zachary.
     
  6. Annie
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    Annie Diamond Member

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    No one, not even a grandchild can replace your own. God and I have had our problems for several reasons, my guess, He's 'bigger' than I and can take the nastiness I throw HIS way, your's too. There is no 'understanding' of this.
     
  7. remie
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    remie Member

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    Joz I am so sorry. I cant begin to understand the depth of your pain. I sincerely dont know what I would do if anything ever happened to any of my four children. Bless you and your son.
     
  8. Joz
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    Joz Senior Member

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    I've come to the conclusion that things were pretty much set when sin entered the world. I (we) just got caught in the crossfire of the way this world is. God stays His hand over the world, but He cannot intervene, this world must play out the role it chose. (This is the sensible me.)

    With all that said, I'm still upset with Him. I worked for our church for many, many years. Which proves 'works are as filthy rags'. Both of my boys went to a prochial school. I sacraficed for that. I voluntarily taught Art for 11 years. Zachary had just graduated from eighth grade, 4 days before he died. His gradutation speech ended, " This is the beginning of the rest of our lives". I expected more from God.

    Yes, I realize God gave His son, & I'm grateful for that. For without that we are all doomed. But I've given my son, too. And God got his back in three days. I must spend a lifetime without mine. (this is the angry & sarcastic me)
     
  9. Annie
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    Annie Diamond Member

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    Hugs & kisses & prayers.
     
  10. dilloduck
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    dilloduck Diamond Member

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    Thanks for sharing your grief! My 15 year old will receive extra special attention today when he gets home from school because of YOU.
     
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