A marine dies and goes to hell. As he looks around with a degree of trepidation and fear, Lucifer appears beside him. "Whats the matter?" Lucifer asks. "Well I'm worried about the suffering I'll go through here." the marine replies "Ah, don't worry about that." Lucifer replies. "A lot of what you probably heard topside is bullshit, this really isn't such a bad place." "Really?" the marine asks. "Really, for example, do you like to drink?" "Of course, I'm a marine, I love to drink!" "Well," Lucifer replies "You'll love Tuesdays here, all day long we sit around getting drunk." "Awesome" replies the marine. "Do you like to gamble?" Lucifer asks. "Of course I love to gamble, I'm a marine!" "Well, on Wednsdays, we have our weekly poker tournament, nothing but gambling all day long." "Pretty sweet" the marine says. "Do you like to fight?" Lucifer asks. "I'm a marine, of course I like to fight" "Well on Thursdays, we spend the whole day in knock down, drag out fights." Lucifer tells him. "Well damn," the marine says "This place might be pretty cool after all." Then Lucifer asks, "Are you gay?" The marine stares at him a moment and says "Hell no!" Lucifer pauses a moment and says "Well you probably won't like Fridays very much then"