a lonely day in hell

[strollingbones]

thanks yall....i have lost most of my real life friends....i cant spend the day at the lake or going to lunch or ...anything else.....i am no longer the fun girl...

on the upside....i am down another pants size....amazing how stress and all can be a great diet....and i eat whatever i want....sometimes it is the only comfort i have..

 

[syrenn]

and everyone assures me its gonna get a lot worse

there seems to be two kinds of people now...those who have dealt with this disease...who understand you do what you have to do ...to get thru the day.....i cant imagine having her at home....hell its all i can do with full support of the alf staff....

and those who have no clue what you are dealing with.....who cant believe my mother would just cuss me for no reason...surely i did something.....yea i ask her to put on a seat belt

Belligerence is all part and parcel of the progression of the disease ....so is hording... They can get angry and violent and down right mean!.

I know its hard to not listen...but try not to.

 

[Ravi]

Syrenn is correct. And it will get worse, Bones. But in a way when it gets worse for her it will be easier for you in the sense that you wouldn't be taking her out and she will become less verbal.

Sigh.

I really feel for you.

 

[AllieBaba]

and everyone assures me its gonna get a lot worse

there seems to be two kinds of people now...those who have dealt with this disease...who understand you do what you have to do ...to get thru the day.....i cant imagine having her at home....hell its all i can do with full support of the alf staff....

and those who have no clue what you are dealing with.....who cant believe my mother would just cuss me for no reason...surely i did something.....yea i ask her to put on a seat belt

Hopefully you'll develop the gallows humor that all of us who take beatings for a living do. I've spent many quality hours trapped in a van with abusive, spitting, screaming, violent, filthy mouthed lunatics. True, they weren't my relatives and I got to go home after 8-16 hours, but still. It sort of gets to you to have someone screaming insults at you (and they can be creative) from about 2 inches behind your right ear.

 

[syrenn]

Syrenn is correct. And it will get worse, Bones. But in a way when it gets worse for her it will be easier for you in the sense that you wouldn't be taking her out and she will become less verbal.

Sigh.

I really feel for you.

Thanks Ravi.

 

[AllieBaba]

Actually, during that period of time I was going home to exactly the same thing from my insane, spittle-spewing, screaming, physically abusive spouse! I'd blacked that out...joyful all around.

 

[strollingbones]

she insisted on riding in the back seat....the other day...like driving miss daisy....i kept thinking she was gonna go upside my head at any minute...

i have told her she will not hit me again...period....she raises her fist but so far she has not hit me....well after the full attack....which happened a few months ago

 

[Annie]

today was my day off....no dealing with mom...no dealing with anything...just gonna do housework and forget the cursing i took yesterday for trying to take her shopping...i ask her to put her seat belt on...her reply....'your a controlling bitch' i was told to go to hell...never come back and to fuck myself....ahhh feel the love...i know ...its the disease but that is hard to understand when someone you are trying to do the best you can for ...is telling you how worthless you are...

11:15 the phone rings...i see its her aid calling..the aid tells me my mother has 900 bucks in cash and somehow has been to the bank....i flip....the aid is telling me she has gotten my mother to take the 900 dollars to the front desk of the alf...they are holding it for me...but my mother cashed a check for 1000...

i call the clerk of court who fusses at me for not making this account a guardianship one....hey i am new at this and didnt know you could convert an account...anyways...i call the bank and the lady tells me she is the one who cashed the check...i ask who was with my mom...she tells me the young lady that is always with her..

the aids have instructions never to take my mother to a bank etc...the aid lied and said first she didnt take her...the aid was fired and reported to the registry.....

so right when i think...this day cant get any worse ...my son calls...he tells me will is dead...killed saturday in a car wreck...i read about the wreck but at that time no names were released...i have known will's family for over 30 years.....will was 29...and the apple of his mother's eye...his 5 yr old son survived....he was in his car seat...will had on his seat belt..his air bags did not deploy....

i see no end in sight for the misery....no end at all....i am beginning to realize how hopeless it all is

Oh I am so, so sorry. His poor parents.

 

[Ravi]

Bones, here are two things you might try. Ask her doctor to put her on mood stabilizers. My auntie was cranky as hell until she started on them and now her personality is much changed. She is on the lowest dose of something they give to people that are bi-polar. Lymectril or something like that.

Also, let her watch lots of funny and/or uplifting movies, listen to music that she likes and associates with good times, and/or listen to books on tape that do the same. Even if she can't remember them they will improve her mood.

And encourage and/or force her to interact with others at the place.

Ooops...that's three.

 

[random3434]

bones, talk to us here. You say you've lost all your RL friends, well, WE are here for you darling.

Cry, cuss, vent, kick, scream, drink, smoke, rant, rave, whatever it is you want to do, just let it out~



XOXOXOXOXOXO

 

[syrenn]

she insisted on riding in the back seat....the other day...like driving miss daisy....i kept thinking she was gonna go upside my head at any minute...

i have told her she will not hit me again...period....she raises her fist but so far she has not hit me....well after the full attack....which happened a few months ago

If she becomes physically violent bones, you may want to consider a full time home for her.

 

[strollingbones]

o she is in assisted living....i am not crazy...she would have killed me by now....or i would have killed her....i cant imagine how people do this for years at home....

 

[syrenn]

o she is in assisted living....i am not crazy...she would have killed me by now....or i would have killed her....i cant imagine how people do this for years at home....

Does she "know" who you are?

 

[The Infidel]

This is a heartwrenching read.... My prayers go to you tonight Bones.

 

[strollingbones]

yea she is a mixed bag...if you talk to her for a few minutes she seems fine...on clear days she is good to go.....but on bad days...she confuses me with her sister...she got all pissed off when i said that in court...so her lawyer ask her to id people starting on her left...i raised my hand to help her...she goes...'that is my sister peggy' ...it was me...i dont worry about her day of clarity....its the other days that worry me...i know now she is safe and secure...happy is just a hope...she is one of the 'better' patients in the alf...her siblings want me to move her to dependant living...but she cant do that...
even with the stove disabled...she takes otc....and will take 8 to 16 pills a day left on her own..her head hurts she takes a couple of pills....she forgets she took them and takes more...

xox knows this...cause i have worried him to death for advice and help reading test results....the doctors dont say much...seems like they just know not much can be done to help...she has kidney problems...
she has a hard mass on her left kidney....which they are watching....the specialist...(what a dick) was basically...nothing can be done..take her to a urinologist..which i did...he told her that mass could be cancer...she cussed me...for taking her for the test and told him she wanted to see her own urinologist...
ooo she got made when i said she has diminished vision...hell she is legally blind in her left eye....you know that fucking large E on the chart...that you go..who the hell cant see that? well my mom cant

 

[strollingbones]

ahh infie i get by with the help of a lot of my cyber friends...yall seem to take it a wee bit better than the real life friends....and when my son told me will was dead...i realized i didnt have the worse day in the world...my friend did...i cant imagine how she is doing...she stayed in a bad marriage because of her sons...i noticed in the guest book on line...everyone addresses her....very few mention the father....

i am resisting the urge to drink....i just cant go back to bottles of vodka a day...that aint even helping reality....and i am proud of myself....i am still not smoking ciggies....i think those two vices are ones i really need to avoid...and i dont mean to sound holier than thou....i have hit the patron on some nights...
and i really do want a ciggie....

i can almost remember the feeling of that warm smoke..filling my lungs....i can close my eyes and almost smell it....exhaling the smoke...i am joe cool...but it aint gonna happen...if i dont turn yellow and the lungs dont fail....i am happy

 

[strollingbones]

damn i really want a ciggie.....

 

[Mr.Fitnah]

my mother always conducted herself with humor and dignity....dressed well and kept herself up very well.....

now she curses .... gets food all over her and refuses to bath or change clothes

Ah one of my followers

 

[strollingbones]

my mother always conducted herself with humor and dignity....dressed well and kept herself up very well.....

now she curses .... gets food all over her and refuses to bath or change clothes

Ah one of my followers

you made me laugh..that is worth a lot to me right now

 

[SFC Ollie]

Bones you know I've been through this with Dad, Thankfully my older sister took care of most of the Dr appointments and such. But I was the number 2 guy on all the paperwork.

It isn't easy, and they don't know how you are hurting when they say or do things. But you know all that. Stay strong girl it's all you can do.

And when you need to cuss someone bring it on. I got big shoulders and thick skin.

Prayers for ya.