a lonely day in hell

[strollingbones]

today was my day off....no dealing with mom...no dealing with anything...just gonna do housework and forget the cursing i took yesterday for trying to take her shopping...i ask her to put her seat belt on...her reply....'your a controlling bitch' i was told to go to hell...never come back and to fuck myself....ahhh feel the love...i know ...its the disease but that is hard to understand when someone you are trying to do the best you can for ...is telling you how worthless you are...

11:15 the phone rings...i see its her aid calling..the aid tells me my mother has 900 bucks in cash and somehow has been to the bank....i flip....the aid is telling me she has gotten my mother to take the 900 dollars to the front desk of the alf...they are holding it for me...but my mother cashed a check for 1000...

i call the clerk of court who fusses at me for not making this account a guardianship one....hey i am new at this and didnt know you could convert an account...anyways...i call the bank and the lady tells me she is the one who cashed the check...i ask who was with my mom...she tells me the young lady that is always with her..

the aids have instructions never to take my mother to a bank etc...the aid lied and said first she didnt take her...the aid was fired and reported to the registry.....

so right when i think...this day cant get any worse ...my son calls...he tells me will is dead...killed saturday in a car wreck...i read about the wreck but at that time no names were released...i have known will's family for over 30 years.....will was 29...and the apple of his mother's eye...his 5 yr old son survived....he was in his car seat...will had on his seat belt..his air bags did not deploy....

i see no end in sight for the misery....no end at all....i am beginning to realize how hopeless it all is

 

[Ravi]

Make it so your mother has no access to funds. You cannot trust people that work in retirement homes, sadly.

 

[ConHog]

Bones, always remember that no matter HOW bad it seems it's never worth giving up. And yes you need to get power of attorney for your mom's affairs.

 

[strollingbones]

yea i did that today.....you really just cant trust anyone anymore

 

[strollingbones]

Bones, always remember that no matter HOW bad it seems it's never worth giving up. And yes you need to get power of attorney for your mom's affairs.

i had a durable power of attorney and a health care power of attorney...her siblings forced me to have her declared incompetent and get a full guardianship....no matter how prepared you are...someone will try to fuck with you

 

[The Infidel]

Damn Bones…. Sorry to hear you are having a rough day (that’s putting it lightly)

I will send you some good vibes (prayers).

Keep your head up though…. Good things happen to good people.

 

[ConHog]

Bones, always remember that no matter HOW bad it seems it's never worth giving up. And yes you need to get power of attorney for your mom's affairs.

i had a durable power of attorney and a health care power of attorney...her siblings forced me to have her declared incompetent and get a full guardianship....no matter how prepared you are...someone will try to fuck with you

If worse comes to worse, just take her name off of everything.

 

[The Infidel]

Bones, always remember that no matter HOW bad it seems it's never worth giving up. And yes you need to get power of attorney for your mom's affairs.

x2

 

[Mr.Fitnah]

Ive been a lot happier since I gave up hope.

 

[Vel]

Wow.. what a miserable day. Wishing you a better tomorrow.

 

[Zoom-boing]

Definitely not a good day. So sorry things are shitty and very sorry for your loss.

 

[xotoxi]

i ask her to put her seat belt on...her reply....'your a controlling bitch' i was told to go to hell...

So you took her suggestion literally and decided to come to The USMB.



But seriously...it's hard work dealing with dementia. You can never take it personally, even though it is hard not to.

 

[strollingbones]

ahh i know xox...its the disease...that is hard to remember when you are standing in belk's being called a stupid bitch or the one i love.....when she tells me to fuck off...and i tell her to use her inner voice....she tells me i can fuck that inner voice too.....ahhh such a lovely time....good times...good times

my marriage is on the verge of ending...hell i dont blame him...if i could leave i would.....it hard on him...he wants to protect me...and he is just as helpless as i am

 

[strollingbones]

we are close to being back to the sticky buns and lemonade days....expending energy on anything is just beyond me....

 

[strollingbones]

my mother always conducted herself with humor and dignity....dressed well and kept herself up very well.....

now she curses .... gets food all over her and refuses to bath or change clothes

 

[Sunni Man]

Hey, my bets always on you Bones.

You're tough as nails country gal and the salt of the earth.

 

[AllieBaba]

today was my day off....no dealing with mom...no dealing with anything...just gonna do housework and forget the cursing i took yesterday for trying to take her shopping...i ask her to put her seat belt on...her reply....'your a controlling bitch' i was told to go to hell...never come back and to fuck myself....ahhh feel the love...i know ...its the disease but that is hard to understand when someone you are trying to do the best you can for ...is telling you how worthless you are...

11:15 the phone rings...i see its her aid calling..the aid tells me my mother has 900 bucks in cash and somehow has been to the bank....i flip....the aid is telling me she has gotten my mother to take the 900 dollars to the front desk of the alf...they are holding it for me...but my mother cashed a check for 1000...

i call the clerk of court who fusses at me for not making this account a guardianship one....hey i am new at this and didnt know you could convert an account...anyways...i call the bank and the lady tells me she is the one who cashed the check...i ask who was with my mom...she tells me the young lady that is always with her..

the aids have instructions never to take my mother to a bank etc...the aid lied and said first she didnt take her...the aid was fired and reported to the registry.....

so right when i think...this day cant get any worse ...my son calls...he tells me will is dead...killed saturday in a car wreck...i read about the wreck but at that time no names were released...i have known will's family for over 30 years.....will was 29...and the apple of his mother's eye...his 5 yr old son survived....he was in his car seat...will had on his seat belt..his air bags did not deploy....

i see no end in sight for the misery....no end at all....i am beginning to realize how hopeless it all is

Oh honey, prayers and hugs!

And honestly, you should keep your FB or at least create a blog and post pics of this stuff...there are lots of people in your position, you'll get moral support.

Don't feel bad, my mother, who doesn't even have the excuse of being an Alzheimer's patient, fights with my 7 y.o. and calls him names. Seriously.

It's not hopeless...my son's best friend (and a boy I'd known since age 10) committed suicide in a spectacular away (lots of witnesses!) last year, my son was closer to him than anyone and was absolutely crushed. We all were; my last conversation with the friend he had said he was just going to kill himself and I pooh-poohed him. We all deal with these things and it's maddening and frustrating. But you're strong and you'll come through and be a rock for your own children and grandchildren, and that will make it worthwhile.

 

[syrenn]

Hugs

 

[strollingbones]

and everyone assures me its gonna get a lot worse

there seems to be two kinds of people now...those who have dealt with this disease...who understand you do what you have to do ...to get thru the day.....i cant imagine having her at home....hell its all i can do with full support of the alf staff....

and those who have no clue what you are dealing with.....who cant believe my mother would just cuss me for no reason...surely i did something.....yea i ask her to put on a seat belt

 

[Madeline]

Man, bones, I am so sorry to hear all this. I send you....