A Heads-Up For the Holiday Movie Season

Discussion in 'Media' started by PoliticalChic, Dec 24, 2009.

  1. PoliticalChic
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    PoliticalChic Diamond Member

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    Things We've Learned from the Movie Industry

    -Large, loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the price range of most people - whether they are employed or not.

    -Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications system of any invading alien society.

    -It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts — your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out them out one at a time.

    -When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.

    -Radiation causes interesting mutations — not to your future children, but to you, right then and there.

    -If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a world expert on nuclear fission at the age of 22.

    -Honest and hard working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.

    -Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their archenemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers, and man-eating sharks, which will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.

    -During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.

    -All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets that reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.

    -All grocery shopping bags contain at least one loaf of French bread.

    -It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.

    -Once applied, lipstick will never rub off — even while scuba diving.

    -The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.

    -You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

    -Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.

    -The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.

    -If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.

    -If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.

    -Word processors never display a cursor on screen but will always say: Enter Password Now.

    -Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.

    -A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

    -Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.

    -When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.

    -An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight-year-old child.

    -All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
     
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  2. Sunni Man
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    Sunni Man Diamond Member

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    That was a great list. But here is one they forgot:

    Any car wreck that would be just a fender bender in real life.

    In the movies will explode like it just ran over an IED and was carrying 500 gallons of gasoline in the trunk.

    Resulting in a giant fireball that can be seen for miles. :eek:
     
  3. mudwhistle
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    mudwhistle Diamond Member

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    A freak accident is when 2 freaks in a sedan crash into 6 freaks in a van.
     
  4. Cecilie1200
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    Cecilie1200 Gold Member

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    Here's another you forgot. Any time a crazed serial killer is stalking and killing people, the woman in the group with the biggest breasts should immediately get in the shower and start lathering up.
     
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  5. G.T.
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    G.T. Diamond Member

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    You're not supposed to learn from the movie industry. It's a movie, it's fantasy world, it's not a Documentary..................it's mockumentary.
     
  6. Zoom-boing
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    Zoom-boing Gold Member

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    Anytime the phone rings in the middle of the night while you are sleeping, you must turn on the light to answer it. Always, without fail. The phone cannot be answered otherwise.

    Bad guys wearing masks and carrying chain-saws or pointy knives only show up when the lights go out and the lights always go out.
     
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  7. mudwhistle
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    mudwhistle Diamond Member

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    In New York if someone smiles at you they're ether crazy or want to kill you.


    In New Jersey you have to ether learn how to fight, run like a Deer, or be real funny.
     
  8. editec
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    editec Mr. Forgot-it-All

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    In some places everybody is beautiful except for those who provide comic relief. Ergo, ugly (or just not drop dead gorgeous people) are funny.

    When a person has to go on the run from the law or the bad guy, all laws regarding personal economics are suspended.

    So...if you are on the run from the mob or the cops, even people who previously couldn't afford to live in anything but a slum can get on planes, travel around the world, stay at hotels and so forth.

    NOBODY ever has to go to the bathroom.

    Last evening I learned that Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson, too, were both a mixture of James Bond and some character from Dick Tracy who nearly always mumble their lines.

    Oh yeah! I also learned that Sherlock Holmes had the fashion sense of a gay fashion designer who must have loved the "Little Tramp" look, too
     
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  9. noose4
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    noose4 Senior Member

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    You can escape by jumping off of very high cliffs or bridges into water and just swim away without sustaining much bodily damage or dying.
     
  10. PoliticalChic
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    PoliticalChic Diamond Member

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    And, when receiving a mysterious phone call, one must stare at the phone mouthpiece before hanging up!
     

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