50 Ways to Please Your Lover Compiled by The Indiana Living Task Force Dedicated to Preserving Romance. February 6, 2005 Singer Paul Simon once sang about "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover." We're more optimistic as this Valentine's Day approaches. Here are 50 ways to please your lover, all dedicated to the men and women of America who have given their all for love. 1. Write a romantic short story while sitting together on a bench in front of the computer. Clothing optional. 2. Talk to her friends to find out what she really wants for Valentine's Day. But don't get too friendly -- this is not "Desperate Housewives." 3. What better time to finally toss those old love letters from your former boyfriend than Valentine's Day! 4. Invent a new board game. How about 'Strip Scrabble'? 5. Go ahead, tell him he's built Ford Tough. 6. Watch "Sex and the City" reruns together. Take notes. 7. An overnight trip for two to Las Vegas. 8. While en route, join the Mile-High Club. 9. Read Cosmo together in bed. 10. Remember Spin the Bottle? 11. Tell her you're really looking forward to seeing "Titanic" again. 12. Buy him a cable TV subscription to NBA League Pass. 13. Learn to do the "Boot Scootin' Boogie" together. 14. "Nooner" 15. C U 2NITE @ The Casba 16. "A Man, a Can, a Plan: 50 Great Guy Meals Even You Can Make" (Rodale, $15.95). Follow all label directions. 17. Honey on your honey. 18. Or, chocolate body paint with FDA- approved food dyes. 19. What happens in Greenwood stays in Greenwood. 20. Buy tickets to the symphony and surprise her with a horse and carriage ride around the Circle and a flask filled with 86 proof. 21. Renew your wedding vows. Or just run off together a second time. 22. Buy her a great pair of stilettos. 23. Or buy yourself a great pair of stilettos. 24. Hair Club for Men? 25. Scatter Valentine's Day cards all over the house in unexpected places. Leave some at his/her place of work, too. 26. "Why don't you come up and see me sometime?" (Mae West) 27. Read The Art of Kissing by William Cane, then practice on each other. 28. Read John Donne poems in bed. 29. Start sending flowers that say "I desire you madly" and the like a few days before Valentine's Day. But don't sign the cards. 30. "Yes, yes, yes!" (think Meg Ryan in "When Harry Met Sally.") 31. Let the man in your life sleep on the right side of the bed. Comedian Rita Rudner, noting research showing men like to sleep on the right: "Even in their sleep, they have to be right." 32. Serve him the finest single malt Scotch whiskey -- Glenlivet should do fine. 33. Buy (and follow) "Booty Food," a nibble-by-nibble guide to love and passion through food. 34. Download love songs onto his iPod. 35. your best Usher imitation for her on karaoke night. 36. Take his car to have it detailed inside and out -- there's nothing like a "new car smell" to get his motor running. 37. Sing "I can be your hero, baby" in your best Enrique Iglesias voice. 38. Alternatively, do your best Barry White imitation while whispering sweet nothings into her ear. 39. If you're both over 40, rent "Barefoot in the Park," starring Jane Fonda and Robert Redford. If you're between 20 and 40, rent "91/2 Weeks" with Mickey Rourke and Kim Basinger. If you're younger than 20, rent any video you want. 40. Next time she schedules her hair appointment, call ahead and add a pedicure, manicure or facial to the order. 41. Give him a pedicure -- once you do it, he'll want you to hold his feet all the time. 42. Do the laundry or dishes for her for a week. 43. When you wake up with her on Valentine's Day, tell her she looks beautiful. 44. When she arrives home from a hard day at work, have a bubble bath filled with scented salts. Light some candles, turn on some jazz, and hand her a glass of wine. 45. Beg! 46. Return to the place where you spent your first night together and spend the night together. 47. Feed strawberries, melons, whipped cream and white wine to each other. 48. Travel to any body of water that's not a retention pond and soak in the view together for hours. 49. Find those old photos from your early days together; enlarge the best ones on any digital scanner/copier; then frame and hang them on the wall. 50. Before you open the Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition, throw it in the trash in front of her and repeat these words: "Who needs pictures of swimsuit models when I have the most beautiful woman in the world standing right here?"!