26 Things NO Guy Would Do

[Hobbit]

I just found on the internet this list of "26 things the perfect guy woud do" and I have to know, do you girls REALLY want this crap straight out of a bunch of romantic comedies and soap operas?

Comments in bold are mine:

1. Know how to make you smile when you are down.
This constitutes mind reading. Maybe you should work on letting him know when you're down and why.

2. Try to secretly smell your hair, but you always notice.
SMELL you HAIR?! WTF?! That sounds a bit creepy to me. Besides, that stuff's so full of hair spray and other crap that I can barely breathe when I get too close. Why would I WILLINGLY subject myself to that.

3. Stick up for you, but still respect your independence.
Umm, so, in other words, defend you unless you feel like defending yourself, or defend you and then apoligize. This constitutes either mind-reading or castration.

4. Give you the remote control during the game.
First off, I'm not usually watching 'the game.' Second, no matter who's playing, I'd rather watch 'the game' than some cooking show, soap opera, or frickin' Oprah. Do I ask for the remote during chick flick matinee? Then do what I do, go find something else to do or learn how to put up with watching it.

5. Come up behind you and put his arms around you.
If I ever do this. I'm warning you first. I've been hit by my sister too many times for 'sneaking up on her.'

6. Play with your hair.
Again with the hair? The only time I play with hair is when my hand's already there and only because I'm fidgety. I always stopped because I thought you'd find it annoying.

7. His hands always find yours.
This is so pathetically cute I want to barf and sounds like a line from a sappy movie/book/soap opera. I'll hold hands during a walk, but that serves the double purpose of being romantic and marking my territory. Having hand-seeking fingers, though, seems a little pathetic.

8. Be cute when he really wants something.
I assume you mean begging? No....and again no. If I want something, I'll trade money for it, not my dignity.

9. Offer you plenty of massages.
Doesn't sound like too bad an idea, but the plenty part has me worried. I'm not a spa, and if I'm handing them out, I expect them in return. My muscles get sore, too.

10. Dance with you, even if he feels like a dork.
Dancing typically consists of contorted movements designed to be next to impossible to look good while doing or an exercise in concentration to avoid a massive, uh, rush of excitement. Either one makes me feel like a dork, and the latter is borderline sinful. No thanks.

11. Never run out of love.
This is seriously going to make me puke. I don't even know what it means, nor do I mean to.

12. Be funny, but know when to be serious.
More mind-reading. Your definition of serious time is typically a lot broader than mine

13. Realize he's being funny when he needs to be serious.
Again with the mind-reading. Here's a though: TELL me when you think I'm not taking something seriously enough.

14. Be patient when you take forever to get ready.
Here's an idea: Try getting ready faster. From what I see, the girl usually nags the guy into going to get ready, then takes 4 times as long. If you could be ready at the same time I am consistently, I'll be more likely to be patient if there are unexpected delays.

15. React so cutely when you hit him and it actually hurts.
Umm, domestic violence anybody? How about you act 'cutely' when I hit you and it hurts instead of calling the cops.

16. Smile a lot.
I smile when I have a reason. If you don't think I smile enough, give me a reason to.

17. Plans a romantic date full of cheesy things he wouldn't normally like to do, just b/c he knows it means a lot to you.
First of, anyone who uses the abbreviation 'b/c' should be lined up with the 'ur' crowd to be shot. Second, what 'cheesy' things would you be referring to? Would anything he doesn't like do? If that's the case, you have a funny way of showing affection if your date's misery turns you on.

18. Appreciate you.
I get so sick of hearing this. What it typically means is "I am an attention whore and he spends more that 0 time with people who aren't me." You're a big part of his life, but not the whole thing. Get over it.

19. Help others out.
Most guys do help others out. If the guy doens't ever help anyone, break up with him. If he does help, don't be a jerk about him not helping the people you want him to help. Tell him what you really mean instead of listing this headache inducing sentence.

20. Drive 5 hours just to see you for 1.
If I can set aside 5 hours of time just to drive to where you are, you better set aside more than an hour just to see me. What kid of attention whore are you that you'd expect a guy to do this. Would you do it for him? This is a two-way street, you know. You're not the center of the universe.

21. Always gives you a peck on the cheek when you depart from each others company, even when his friends are watching.
Who isn't doing this? Any guy who won't kiss his girlfriend/wife when other guys are watching is either an idiot or gay. It's like holding hands. You get to be romantic, mark your territory, and you get a kiss, to boot.

22. Sing, even if he can't.
Why? Why why why why why? So you can laugh at his humiliation at singing? Why don't you ask him to do something he's good at?

23. Have a creative sense of humor.
As opposed to a non-creative sense of humor? What does this even mean?

24. Stare at you.
WTF?! This sounds like a stalker, not a boyfriend! You actually WANT him to stand there drooling at your hot body like some pathetic low-life looking at porn? WHY?!

25. Call for no reason.
Ok, it's bad enough when you call for no reason, now you want him to do the same? That is one of the single most annoying things about a relationship is the calling for no reason. When guys talk on the phone, they get down to business. If you just want to have an empty conversation, do it face to face, or over the internet so it's not so awkward. Only in long distance relationships is this even tolerable.

26. Quit smoking, chewing, drinking, or drugs-Just because he loves you that much to quit it.
If he's smoking, chewing, drinking, or doing drugs, why are you dating him? Go find somebody worth your time.

So many of these things seem to play off of a standard theme I see in modern women's ideals, and that is, the more miserable the guy, the happier the girl. A woman will love you more for a dandelion you mutilated yourself to get than a dozen roses you blew a wad of cash on. Do you really derive that much pleasure from your guy's misery? If so, you're sick.

Seriously, I want female input on this. It scares me.

 

[Shattered]

If doing most of those things makes you miserable, you haven't found the right girl. (The remote during the game is a little off the wall - most girls bail when there's a game on)...

 

[dilloduck]

Never EVER go back to this site !!!

 

[Hobbit]

If doing most of those things makes you miserable, you haven't found the right girl. (The remote during the game is a little off the wall - most girls bail when there's a game on)...

Most of them sound romantic on face value, but the ones that don't fall apart on examination typically fall apart in practice, like the appreciation thing. I've heard so many girls play the appreciation card, and when I get to the heart of the matter, what's really bothering her is that the guy went to have fun that didn't involve her, even though she does such things without him all the time.

Also, smelling hair? Please tell me this isn't normal.

I'm perfectly willing to fall all over myself trying to please the right girl, but not only do I expect a little in return, but this list seems to hold up the impossibly high standard set by chick flicks, romantic comedies, and soap operas. To be honest, that standard's about as realistic as the one set by the airbrushed bimbos in Playboy and Hustler.

Maybe I came off a little too hostile, but some of the things on this list are just ridiculous.

 

[Shattered]

Most of them sound romantic on face value, but the ones that don't fall apart on examination typically fall apart in practice, like the appreciation thing. I've heard so many girls play the appreciation card, and when I get to the heart of the matter, what's really bothering her is that the guy went to have fun that didn't involve her, even though she does such things without him all the time.

Also, smelling hair? Please tell me this isn't normal.

I'm perfectly willing to fall all over myself trying to please the right girl, but not only do I expect a little in return, but this list seems to hold up the impossibly high standard set by chick flicks, romantic comedies, and soap operas. To be honest, that standard's about as realistic as the one set by the airbrushed bimbos in Playboy and Hustler.

Maybe I came off a little too hostile, but some of the things on this list are just ridiculous.

...and again, if you're not getting anything in return, you haven't found the right girl.

As for smelling hair, some of us use really good shampoo. Mine smells like coconut mango..

 

[Hobbit]

...and again, if you're not getting anything in return, you haven't found the right girl.

As for smelling hair, some of us use really good shampoo. Mine smells like coconut mango..

Ah, I think we have now reached an agreement. I've done karaoke for a t-shirt. I'd do similarly dumb things for affection.

If I'm dating a girl who's hair smells like, oh, I dunno, fresh Georgia peaches (man, I love those things), I may sneak a whiff (I'd feel wierd, though), but most of what I have to go on comes from my sister, whose hair treatment takes at least 1/2 an hour to stop stinking up the bathroom.

 

[dilloduck]

Be yourself dude----maybe try some of this other crap once in awhile but never often enough for them to think they can expect it or you will either be killed or go crazy.

 

[manu1959]

i do 15 of those on a regular basis

the other 9.................... fuck it

 

[Gunny]

I just found on the internet this list of "26 things the perfect guy woud do" and I have to know, do you girls REALLY want this crap straight out of a bunch of romantic comedies and soap operas?

Comments in bold are mine:



So many of these things seem to play off of a standard theme I see in modern women's ideals, and that is, the more miserable the guy, the happier the girl. A woman will love you more for a dandelion you mutilated yourself to get than a dozen roses you blew a wad of cash on. Do you really derive that much pleasure from your guy's misery? If so, you're sick.

Seriously, I want female input on this. It scares me.

:rotflmao:

 

[manu1959]

...and again, if you're not getting anything in return, you haven't found the right girl.

As for smelling hair, some of us use really good shampoo. Mine smells like coconut mango..

no just stop it :kiss2:

 

[Shattered]

no just stop it :kiss2:

Shoo! You only do 15 of them. :tng:

 

[Hobbit]

i do 15 of those on a regular basis

the other 9.................... fuck it

15+9=26? Must be some of that new math...

 

[Shattered]

15+9=26? Must be some of that new math...

Maybe the drive for 5 hours, and the remote ones just don't compute...

 

[no1tovote4]

I have done most of these on occassion.

As for the hair thing. Hair is often a turn-on. If they don't solidify it with hairspray running your fingers through long luxruiant hair is very conducive to other more popular activities enjoyed by adult couples. When my wife returns from the hair dresser's I definitely smell her hair. I keep telling her to get that shampoo, she says I won't like it as much if I get to smell it daily... She's wrong. It smells like peaches...

 

[manu1959]

Shoo! You only do 15 of them. :tng:

it is which 15 that is important

 

[NATO AIR]

its all bullshit

9 out of 10 under the age of 30 want money, status, attention and good sex

they don't give a damn about any of this little shit.

 

[no1tovote4]

15+9=26? Must be some of that new math...

Must be using Hitchhiker's guide math.

What do you get when you multiply 6 by 9?

 

[KarlMarx]

Since there is a list of silly, unrealistic qualifications for men, I thought I'd come up with a list of silly, unrealistic qualifications for women

Hey... since guys are expected to be entertainment centers, massage spas, psycho-analysts, empty headed boobs to satisfy women, then it's only fair that women should be expected to be f***-machines and the equivalent of a door mat for men, too.

1. Lets you watch sports as much as you want

2. Is ready for sex 24x7 (never has a headache)

3. Willing to fetch your beer and the remote.

4. Will help you fix the sink or the car

5. Doesn't want you to do housework

6. Great cook and always cooks big meals with lots of food

7. Looks like a centerfold from Playboy magazine

8. Always agrees with you and never argues

9. Offers you plenty of *******s

10. Picks up after you without complaining

11. Is ready for sex 24x7 (in spite of her period)

12. Knows how to tell a lot of good dirty jokes

13. Good drinking buddy

14. Is ready for sex 24x7 (never gets depressed)

15. Doesn't nag

16. Smiles a lot.

17. Doesn't want you to remember her birthday or anniversary

18. Is ready for sex 24x7 (especially after watching porno with you)

19. Knows the difference between a "crescent wrench" and a "monkey wrench"

19. Hates watching "chick flicks" and rather watch your favorite TV show

20. Doesn't like to shop (except for tools)

21. Doesn't spend hours getting ready (but looks like a Playboy centerfold anyway)

22. Doesn't want you to share your feelings or any of that mushy girl stuff

23. Is ready for sex 24x7 (even if she has been working all day)

24. Routes for your team

25. Is ready for sex 24x7 (even if she's sick in bed with the flu)

26. Doesn't mind if you stay out late with the boys

 

[Hobbit]

A *little* more unrealistic, but not a bad start. One trait I see of the ideal woman is the ability to tell the "I had a good day" face from the "I had a bad day" face, and then act accordingly. If the boss has been on my back, I won't really be in the mood for anything cute, but if you feel like blowing away some aliens on a mysterious ringworld in co-op mode, that's all good. I'll pretend the covenant elite are the boss. They probably look like him.