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Two of the Best Jokes Ever!!!

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Old 07-28-2012, 06:35 AM
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Two of the Best Jokes Ever!!!

Two of the biggest jokes ever!!!

I never cease to marvel at the unique capacity humans have to make others laugh. But humor is serious stuff.

OK….here’s the first one:
1. A wife walks in on her husband and finds him in bed with another women…’You..you…you promised you’d never cheat on me!” she cries. He answers, "Who are you going to believe? Me, or your lying eyes?"




2. Yesterday, I offered an OP about Obama’s claim that no hard working, innovative, entrepreneur should get credit for a successful business...
‘If you’ve got a business — you didn’t build that. Somebody else made that happen.’

3. Several of the Obama defenders actually claimed that if one reads the full speech in a certain way, Obama wasn’t saying what he said.

a. From one: “You left off the antecedent of "that". A pronoun is almost meaningless without its antecedent.”

b. And, another: “This speech was not about someone else building businesses… a completely different meaning, … It is simply the truth.”



4. “…you didn’t build that. Somebody else…” Meaningless?
5. “ This speech was not about someone else building businesses. … It is simply the truth.” “Somebody else made that happen.”




6. Now, the truth is that Obama slipped, as he is wont to do without his teleprompter, and he actually revealed his belief. He got back and the handlers went nuts…”What did you do????”

a. “ President Barack Obama‘s campaign officials are trying to minimize the damage caused by his campaign-trail comments that downplayed entrepreneurship.” Romney jumps on Obama's 'you didn't build that' comment | The Daily Caller


b. “What do you do when everybody's claiming your president said something, and you just know he didn't really say it, but all the video and all the audio and all the transcripts show that he did say it? ….comments that are on their face
contemptuous of individual merit and out of step with American popular opinion.” How "You didn't build that" became "He didn't say that" - Hit & Run : Reason.com


7. OK…it’s one thing when paid apparatchiks of the Obama campaign try to muddy the water to save the flubber-in-chief…..but what to think of the lackeys who will buy any conjured mistruths, and lap it up like a hungry cur?
a. Is there a “Jim Jones- People’s Temple gene” in part of the population???




8. No….these folks are the’second joke’….,

"Who are you going to believe? Me, or your lying ears?"
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Old 07-28-2012, 06:53 AM
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Who do you think that comment is going to bother? Certainly not the liberals they rely so heavily on the government that they have to think what he said is true. The independents might have a problem with what he said. Conservatives are not going to change their mind about Obama regardless of what he says. So the target audience is true independents.
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Old 07-28-2012, 06:56 AM
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Bizarro Girl lives in a world where businesses can survive without government.

Forgetting that these "rugged individualists" wouldn't last a week without legal protections, law enforcement, patent rights, and of course, the lucrative government contracts they all compete for.
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Old 07-28-2012, 06:58 AM
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I only know two political jokes:

1. Barack

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2. Obama

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Funny ****.
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Old 07-28-2012, 07:00 AM
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Yes, Obama is anti-capitalist, anti-private sector, and anti-individual. He slipped up and showed it to us. The left is in full damage control mode and will say the stupidest **** with a straight face if they have to.
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Old 07-28-2012, 07:02 AM
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Actually, people owned businesses for thousands of years without government.

True story..........
Um, actually, no, they didn't.

Even back to ancient times, most of the laws were designed to protect commerce.
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Old 07-28-2012, 07:02 AM
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Bizarro Girl lives in a world where businesses can survive without government.

Forgetting that these "rugged individualists" wouldn't last a week without legal protections, law enforcement, patent rights, and of course, the lucrative government contracts they all compete for.
Actually, people owned businesses for thousands of years without government.

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Old 07-28-2012, 07:07 AM
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Who do you think that comment is going to bother? Certainly not the liberals they rely so heavily on the government that they have to think what he said is true. The independents might have a problem with what he said. Conservatives are not going to change their mind about Obama regardless of what he says. So the target audience is true independents.

See....now you're gonna make me be serious, here.

1. While I fully admit that I enjoy riling up those folks, our main function as I see it is education.

Now, I regularly conflate Liberalism with the Left, communism, socialism, etc., because of limitations of space, and for emphasis....but,....

2. ...Dennis Prager recently said the following:

"Recognize that we are fighting the left, not liberals.
Conservatives and centrists are no longer fighting liberals. We are fighting the left.
Liberalism believed in American exceptionalism; the left not only does not believe in it, the left opposes it. President Obama, when asked if he believes in American exceptionalism, replied, "I believe in American exceptionalism, just as I suspect that the Brits believe in British exceptionalism, and the Greeks believe in Greek exceptionalism."
Liberalism believed in creating wealth; the left is interested in redistributing it.
Liberalism believed in a strong defense. The left believes in cutting defense and a strong United Nations."

3. And, this,...

"FDR's liberalism, however, was so much more accepting of God (see his national radio prayer on D-Day, for example) so much more pro-work and so much more concerned with defending America...that the modern Left can honestly be characterized as a radical break from FDR's worldview."
Gingrich, "To Save America," p. 36.


My point is that not just independents, but many Liberals....not Leftists....will not vote for Obama again.
And that is my audience....I hope.
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Old 07-28-2012, 07:07 AM
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Our Government is by the people for the people so um yeah, Mr President, WE built all that!!!

Federal State Local Government Revenue in United States for 2012 - Charts Tables

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Old 07-28-2012, 07:08 AM
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waiting for the punchline. Man...if you think those are the best jokes ever, no wonder you're a bunch of assholes.
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Old 07-28-2012, 07:16 AM
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Bizarro Girl lives in a world where businesses can survive without government.

Forgetting that these "rugged individualists" wouldn't last a week without legal protections, law enforcement, patent rights, and of course, the lucrative government contracts they all compete for.

Y'know, just like you, ErroneousJoe, I get up every day and say "Thank goodness for Big Government!!!!"



1. In-state tuition for illegal immigrants is preserved with California Supreme Court ruling [Updated] In-state tuition for illegal immigrants is preserved with California Supreme Court ruling [Updated] - latimes.com

2. SAN FRANCISCO - The City Council of San Francisco voted yesterday to outlaw circumcision.
The new law makes it a misdemeanor to “circumcise, excise, cut or mutilate the…genitals” of all minors, and does not make exceptions for religious reasons.
The decision to permanently remove a boy’s foreskin should not be made by parents, says William Barfield, the author of the new law.
SAN FRANCISCO BANS CIRCUMCISION | Weekly World News

3. City puts a stop to homeless outreach
Couple must have proper permit to continue feeding dozens each day
That ended two weeks ago when the city shut down their "Feed a Friend" effort for lack of a permit. And city officials say the couple most likely will not be able to obtain one.
"We don't really know what they want, we just think that they don't want us down there feeding people," said Bobby Herring, a Christian rapper who goes by the stage name Tre9.
Anyone serving food for public consumption, whether for the homeless or for sale, must have a permit, said Kathy Barton, a spokeswoman for the Health and Human Services Department. To get that permit, the food must be prepared in a certified kitchen with a certified food manager.
Houston permit rule stops couple's effort to feed homeless - Houston Chronicle

4. NEW YORK (CBSNewYork) – After targeting distracted drivers, some New York lawmakers want to go after distracted walkers. They are looking to ban them from using iPods, music players and cell phones while walking and crossing the street.
Sen. Kruger Wants To Ban Chatting On Cell Phones While Crossing Street « CBS New York

5. “Every two to three years, Eddie Sales trims and prunes the crape myrtles at his church, Albemarle Road Presbyterian Church.
But this year, the city of Charlotte cited the church for improperly pruning its trees.
"We always keep our trees trimmed back because you don't want to worry about them hanging down in the way," said Sales, a church member.
The church was fined $100 per branch cut for excessive pruning, bringing the violation to $4,000.”
Read more: http://www.charlotteobserver.com/201...#ixzz1NmdeIchz

6. An inspector in Maryland sparked a public relations nightmare when he ordered kids to shut down a lemonade stand -- and fined their parents $500.
Even worse, the adorable children weren't just marketing a tasty treat. They were raising money for a pediatric-cancer charity.
WUSA9 reported that the inspector shut down the lemonade stand in Bethesda, Md., ear the U.S. Open because the pint-size entrepreneurs didn't have a vendors' license.
Read more: Kids' lemonade stand raising money for pediatric cancer charity shut down by inspectors in Maryland - NY Daily News

7. Tricia Conlon shares custody of her two boys, ages 13 and 14, with her ex-husband, Lt. Col. John P. Cushing Jr.
Before they wed, Cushing was married to a woman named Kristine. Twenty years ago, Kristine Cushing shot and killed the couple's two daughters in their sleep. She was later found not guilty by reason of temporary insanity.
Now, John Cushing has reunited with Kristine and Conlon is terrified that her two boys are living in the same home with her.
Conlon has asked the court to change the custody agreement she shares with Cushing, Jr. But so far, her requests have been denied.
In court documents, the ex-husband said that his first wife’s sanity has been restored and she’s is enjoying life again.
“I’m not willing to risk my kids lives on speculation. When a person is capable, they're capable,” Conlon said, during an interview on NBC’s Today Show Tuesday.
Silverton mom fights to get her boys out of killer's home | kgw.com Portland
So these two boys, by the order of a judge, will be forced to 'sleep' in the same house where a woman killed her own daughters as they 'slept' -an all because the mother didn't actually commit a crime?

Is that judge totally deranged?

He even admits he wouldn't want his kids around her - but then adds 'that's just an emotional reaction from a parent' - DUH! It's also called A GOOD JUDGMENT CALL on the parents side!

I would like to think I would be strong enough to take my boys and run like hell. This really enforces my belief and support for underground organizations that help parents accomplish just that. I hope this woman finds such an organization - fast!

I mean come on! What else can she do???

Kid-Killer Mom Wins Custody of Teen Boys She was just 'temporarily insane,' says judge, page 1

8. Kid's Hot Dog Stand Shut Down by City Officials Before It Even Opens
Katherine Mangu-Ward | July 26, 2012
This summer, 13-year-old Nathan Duszynski wanted to make some money to help out his disabled parents—his mom has epilepsy and his dad has multiple sclerosis. So he decided to open a hot dog stand. He saved $1,200, mostly money made by mowing lawns and shoveling snow. He checked with the city to make sure he didn't need any licenses or permits, even going to city hall in person with his mom. And then he bought a cart. (Yep, that's hot dog's from Nathan's, for those who are keeping score at home.)
He arrived to set up shop on his first day and 10 minutes later, a zoning official arrived to shut him down. The problem: The cart, which is in the parking lot of a sporting goods store, is on the edge of official downtown commercial district of Holland, Michigan. The city bans food carts in that area in order to minimize competition for the eight tax-paying restaurants a couple of blocks away.
Kid's Hot Dog Stand Shut Down by City Officials Before It Even Opens - Hit & Run : Reason.com
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Old 07-28-2012, 07:18 AM
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waiting for the punchline. Man...if you think those are the best jokes ever, no wonder you're a bunch of assholes.
Seeing your language....it's easy to guess the kind of family you were brought up in....
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Old 07-28-2012, 07:20 AM
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waiting for the punchline. Man...if you think those are the best jokes ever, no wonder you're a bunch of assholes.
Seeing your language....it's easy to guess the kind of family you were brought up in....



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Old 07-28-2012, 07:21 AM
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Two of the biggest jokes ever!!!

I never cease to marvel at the unique capacity humans have to make others laugh. Humor is serious stuff.

OK….here’s the first one:
1. A wife walks in on her husband and finds him in bed with another women…’You..you…you promised you’d never cheat on me!” she cries. He answers, "Who are you going to believe? Me, or your lying eyes?"




2. Yesterday, I offered an OP about Obama’s claim that no hard working, innovative, entrepreneur should get credit for a successful business...
‘If you’ve got a business — you didn’t build that. Somebody else made that happen.’

3. Several of the Obama defenders actually claimed that if one reads the full speech in a certain way, Obama wasn’t saying what he said.

a. From one: “You left off the antecedent of "that". A pronoun is almost meaningless without its antecedent.”

b. And, another: “This speech was not about someone else building businesses… a completely different meaning, … It is simply the truth.”



4. “…you didn’t build that. Somebody else…” Meaningless?
5. “ This speech was not about someone else building businesses. … It is simply the truth.” “Somebody else made that happen.”




6. Now, the truth is that Obama slipped, as he is wont to do without his teleprompter, and he actually revealed his belief. He got back and the handlers went nuts…”What did you do????”

a. “ President Barack Obama‘s campaign officials are trying to minimize the damage caused by his campaign-trail comments that downplayed entrepreneurship.” Romney jumps on Obama's 'you didn't build that' comment | The Daily Caller


b. “What do you do when everybody's claiming your president said something, and you just know he didn't really say it, but all the video and all the audio and all the transcripts show that he did say it? ….comments that are on their face
contemptuous of individual merit and out of step with American popular opinion.” How "You didn't build that" became "He didn't say that" - Hit & Run : Reason.com


7. OK…it’s one thing when paid apparatchiks of the Obama campaign try to muddy the water to save the flubber-in-chief…..but what to think of the lackeys who will buy any conjured mistruths, and lap it up like a hungry cur?
a. Is there a “Jim Jones- People’s Temple gene” in part of the population???




8. No….these folks are the’second joke’….,

"Who are you going to believe? Me, or your lying ears?"
dumb
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Old 07-28-2012, 07:27 AM
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Quote: Originally Posted by PoliticalChic Guests cannot see images in the messages. Please register to forum by clicking here to see images.
Two of the biggest jokes ever!!!

I never cease to marvel at the unique capacity humans have to make others laugh. Humor is serious stuff.

OK….here’s the first one:
1. A wife walks in on her husband and finds him in bed with another women…’You..you…you promised you’d never cheat on me!” she cries. He answers, "Who are you going to believe? Me, or your lying eyes?"




2. Yesterday, I offered an OP about Obama’s claim that no hard working, innovative, entrepreneur should get credit for a successful business...
‘If you’ve got a business — you didn’t build that. Somebody else made that happen.’

3. Several of the Obama defenders actually claimed that if one reads the full speech in a certain way, Obama wasn’t saying what he said.

a. From one: “You left off the antecedent of "that". A pronoun is almost meaningless without its antecedent.”

b. And, another: “This speech was not about someone else building businesses… a completely different meaning, … It is simply the truth.”



4. “…you didn’t build that. Somebody else…” Meaningless?
5. “ This speech was not about someone else building businesses. … It is simply the truth.” “Somebody else made that happen.”




6. Now, the truth is that Obama slipped, as he is wont to do without his teleprompter, and he actually revealed his belief. He got back and the handlers went nuts…”What did you do????”

a. “ President Barack Obama‘s campaign officials are trying to minimize the damage caused by his campaign-trail comments that downplayed entrepreneurship.” Romney jumps on Obama's 'you didn't build that' comment | The Daily Caller


b. “What do you do when everybody's claiming your president said something, and you just know he didn't really say it, but all the video and all the audio and all the transcripts show that he did say it? ….comments that are on their face
contemptuous of individual merit and out of step with American popular opinion.” How "You didn't build that" became "He didn't say that" - Hit & Run : Reason.com


7. OK…it’s one thing when paid apparatchiks of the Obama campaign try to muddy the water to save the flubber-in-chief…..but what to think of the lackeys who will buy any conjured mistruths, and lap it up like a hungry cur?
a. Is there a “Jim Jones- People’s Temple gene” in part of the population???




8. No….these folks are the’second joke’….,

"Who are you going to believe? Me, or your lying ears?"
dumb
He sure is, rocks....but, fear not....just three more months of it.
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