A Christmas story...

**Count Dracula** · #1 (**permalink**) 12-08-2009, 08:49 AM

It was Christmas Eve and in Germany, an old German gentleman was sitting in his favorite chair, reading the paper, smoking his pipe and keeping warm sitting near the fireplace. All of a sudden, he heard the most awful crashing sound you could imagine and it sounded like it came from his back yard. He jumped up and ran to the back door and opened it to look outside. What he saw was very alarming. There was scattered wooden boards laying all over the yard. His outhouse was completely destroyed. Near the destroyed outhouse was a huge pile of snow and there was some slight movement coming from beneath it. In just a few moments, Santa Claus staggered out from under the snow pile and it appeared that he had some bleeding from a cut on his head, a broken arm, and his red suit was torn and badly damaged. As Santa staggered around in the backyard he saw a red pulsating glow coming from under the snow pile. He kicked some of the snow away to reveil the flashing red nose of Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer. It also appeared that Rudolph was stunned from the apparent accident. Santa sort of kicked Rudolph in the head and said, "Damn it, Rudolph, I said land on the Schmidt house!"

**Sarah G** · #2 (**permalink**) 12-08-2009, 09:13 AM

Quote: Originally Posted by Big Black Dog

It was Christmas Eve and in Germany, an old German gentleman was sitting in his favorite chair, reading the paper, smoking his pipe and keeping warm sitting near the fireplace. All of a sudden, he heard the most awful crashing sound you could imagine and it sounded like it came from his back yard. He jumped up and ran to the back door and opened it to look outside. What he saw was very alarming. There was scattered wooden boards laying all over the yard. His outhouse was completely destroyed. Near the destroyed outhouse was a huge pile of snow and there was some slight movement coming from beneath it. In just a few moments, Santa Claus staggered out from under the snow pile and it appeared that he had some bleeding from a cut on his head, a broken arm, and his red suit was torn and badly damaged. As Santa staggered around in the backyard he saw a red pulsating glow coming from under the snow pile. He kicked some of the snow away to reveil the flashing red nose of Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer. It also appeared that Rudolph was stunned from the apparent accident. Santa sort of kicked Rudolph in the head and said, "Damn it, Rudolph, I said land on the Schmidt house!"

Phoenix · #3 (**permalink**) 12-08-2009, 09:26 AM

Congress' Night Before Christmas

"Twas the week before Christmas and those sly little elves,
Our congressmen, labored to better themselves.
They cared not a whit what the public might think
"Let them eat cake," some said with a wink.

And putting their thumbs to the tip of their nose,
they waved as they shouted "Anything goes!"

They scoffed at the thought that we might object,
to a tax cut for the wealthy of a posh percent.
They've got prerequisites-franking, per diem, and more --
bargain-priced haircuts and gyms (three or four!)

Paid speaking engagements and meals on the cuff,
celebrity status -- (they've sure got it tough!),

Yet they claim they're in touch with the man on the street,
as John Q. Public struggles to make both ends meet.
If all workers decided what they were due,
they'd be getting those fat paychecks too!

But while we take cutbacks or raises quite small,
and one out of 20 has no job at all,
our millionaire Congress decides on the budget
land trimming Medicare and Medicaid will do it, they say.

In this season for giving, our Congress is taking.
We've had it with them and our backs are breaking.
With hard times, disasters, and layoffs on our dockets,
we bit the bullet and they fill their pockets!

Oh jobless, oh homeless, oh desperate and needy -
dare anyone say our Congress is greedy?

If in this feeling I'm not alone,
take up your pen or pick up your phone.
As dry leaves before the wild hurricane fly,
let the road of your anger mount to the sky.

Indignant, outraged, appalled and beset
let your congressman know that you won't forget!
When election times comes -- and certain it will --
you're voting him out for passing that bill.

More rapid than eagles, their elections assured
they toasted each other and laughed at the herd.
And I heard them exclaim with adjournment at hand,

"Merry Christmas to us, and the public be damned!