| Early Retirement
The Royal Navy found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus. They promised any officer who volunteered for retirement, a bonus of £1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points on his body. The officer got to choose what those two points would be.
The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of £72,000. The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked out with £96,000. The third one was a grizzly, old, long-in-the-tooth Sea King pilot who,when asked where he would like to be measured replied, 'From the tip of my willy to my testicles.' It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider, explaining about the nice big cheques the previous two officers had received. But the old boy insisted and they decided to go along with him, providing the measurement was taken by a medical officer.
The medical officer arrived and instructed him to 'drop 'em,' which he did. The medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip of his willy and began to work back. 'Dear Lord!' he suddenly exclaimed, 'Where are your testicles?' The old boy calmly replied 'The Falklands'.
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You know you’re a Taliban if:
You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to alcohol.
You own a 3000 dollar machine gun and 5000 dollar rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes.
You wipe your arse with your bare left hand, but consider bacon 'unclean.'
You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing
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