Ozarka and why I don't buy into green corporations

Prefx · #1 (**permalink**) 08-05-2008, 02:14 AM

On occasion I grant myself the opportunity to destroy Mother Nature with a water bottle. Rarely do I go out and purchase one for myself. Faith-based money can be spent on something better. Instead I'll seek out the company of friends and family members susceptible to buying packaged air if marketed correctly. They always have bottled water stored around somewhere.

While we're at it, I have a theory that water bottles monopolize on regions through peer pressure. Every time said family member (or friend) gives me a water bottle, it's Ozarka. Apparently I'm rogue if I look for something else. Perhaps culture dictates that it's not cool to carry around that water bottle with a different color paper on it. You're sticking out, and the fasces is waiting.

In my local jurisdiction, Ozarka is the dihydrogen monoxide of choice. It's pretty good; I sometimes pretend like I'm a wine tester, which annoys my girlfriend to no end - reportedly my lips don't close all the way. Oh well. Others do it too. I don't think it's a coincident that Ozarka's big brother, Nestle, stalks shopping malls with these contaminants. People wanting sympathy pay Pepsi to turn on a faucet and label it Aquafina. Screw these people. I reserve my sympathy for children with cancer and grown men named Sunny.

Yet, for all my devotion to the O brand, I'm still trying to struggle over Ozarka's marketing. This odd shape - you may have seen it - probably does reduce plastic by 30%, but unless my physics is wrong, it also reduces the amount of water by the same amount.

http://www.globalpackagegallery.com/...serialNumber=2

So inevitably, you're going to buy even more water because you're [expletive] thirsty, and that remaining 30% H2O could have been just the remedy. Now you have to buy a completely new water bottle, and 70% of that is going to drown your senses. And unless you're in a contest to win a Wii, you're not interested in drowning from bottled water. So if you're like most people - you have a water bottle, you don't need it, you're not near a refrigerator - you dump it in grass.

Environmentalism, or just profit maximization? Well, I guess the grass gets water.

editec · #2 (**permalink**) 08-05-2008, 06:49 AM

Quote:

Screw these people. I reserve my sympathy for children with cancer and grown men named Sunny.

Nestle is busy sucking every drop of Poland Springs, too, last I heard.

Where is Maines's environmental community while this is going on?

Living off the largess of Nestle which periodically buys them a piece of conservation conservency land so that these pseudo environmentalists can create their own little an empire of land preserves.

Water, or so we're informed, will become the next commodity which people will kill or die for.

Maine is apparently the Saudi Arabia for clean fresh drinking water.

Eventually, we're informed, Nestle intends to stop bottling Poland Springs water here, and simply run a pipeline from it to Massachusetts, from whence they will distribute it (one assumes in bottles) to people dumb enough (or thirsty enough) to pay for it.

Drink accordingly, as you see fit.

Cheers!